tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25377844358561921072024-03-19T15:27:26.540+08:00rants with substancethe story of a lousy engineer transformed into a seasoned aviator, finally turned to be a father and now a traderkukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-50974668098883666432016-10-08T07:40:00.000+08:002016-10-13T12:15:52.571+08:00It Is What It Is<div class="MsoNormal">
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After all these
years, after all the dates and the girls (not that I'm proud or bragging of) I've met or communicated with, I
still found myself in no man’s land about how they think or what really
attracts them. Still clueless, about the DOs and the DON’Ts, how to react
smartly or manly if things go sideways, and the list goes on and on. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As you probably
know by now, I’m single and back in the dating game. I used to keep doing the
wrong things, saying the wrong things, to say them inappropriately or ill-timely kind of things. Or acting needy, insecure, totally no self-control, blurting
everything on the table, or being too nice like a therapist, or an emotional
tampon to the girls, or projecting too much affection, over pursuing, talking
my way towards liking her. Becoming the “mangina” or the male girlfriends. Weak,
rushing and boyish. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You see, all
these beta male behaviours really didn’t get me anywhere with girls. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Well, they said
repetition is the mother of all skills. Rinse, cycle, and repeat. Doing something
over and over again until we really be good at it, and get good things out of
it. And they also said, you need to get to the noses in order to get to the
asses. LOL. I just made that up. The truth is, we need to get the NOs before we
get the YESes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, am I saying
that I finally get it by now? Well, not entirely. But slowly bit by bit I’m getting on it. It is much better now. That's for sure. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And somehow, my
daughter Insyirah and having her in my life really helps. It “accelerates” the
learning process and absorption speed to the next level.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Oh wait, how is
this have anything to do with courtship? Why the 4 years old girl got anything
to do with THE game? Well, allow me to cuddle you with the elaboration, like I
always do. Like the way I always do best :-P<o:p></o:p></div>
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Believe me dear
reader(s), buckle up as this might take a while. <b><i>Somos listos? Vamos!</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Having a daughter
and raising her teach me about the dynamic relationship between a girl and her
father, or whoever the father figure during her growing up years. It doesn’t
necessarily need to be a biological father. But in my case, I’m the biological
father and ALSO the only parent she has most of the times. Her mother is living
300 plus kilometers away, and our daughter spends bulk of her growing days and hours
with me and my parents. I can see that I’m her hero, the mountain, the sun, that unmovable roots and for her I am the alpha male, the centred male figure,
someone she can look up to, someone she adores most, her core, her everything.
It’s natural, in a sense, it’s effortless, and I didn’t have to crack my head
to be those and she doesn’t have to think or to learn those. It is what it is. <b><i>Es destino que no nos puede separar</i></b>. It is destined like that, and things are flowing and she will continue to grow
under my guidance, and nurturing (since I have to take up her mother’s role to
be the motherly figure) while I will continue to grow old learning new things
everyday bout parenting, just by having her around in my life, which the best thing that can happen to any dad.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Insyirah is a
very smart girl, an independent sassy and mature girl way ahead of her age. She
knows bout her parents, she knows bout what’s going on, and she did well to understand the
situation, and she adapts well, juggling her schedules between me and going
back to visit her mother and brother. She knows where she is standing, she
knows what her roles are as a daughter, and I can see that she just knows what
to say and what to do in those complicated moments. And my god, we are talking about
a 4 and a half year old kid, mind you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Every day she
knows what to do, her routine, she knows how to keep herself occupied, being
the only child in the house. She likes to color, and to draw. She acts like
she doesn’t really need me to be around twenty four seven, but when I got back
from work, she will greet me at the door and runs towards me, asking for the self-validation,
the love, the assurance, the manly presence. We usually continue chit chat about
what she learned on that particular day at school, what did she had for lunch,
did she had an ice cream after school, whether Johan (a boy at school, and yes,
I know! They are supposed to be in a kindergarten and remain four years old!) teased her at school, or did Arissa (probably one of her
best friends at school since she keeps mentioning her) gave her the new Frozen stickers again and so forth. I just
keep asking the questions, and let her babbling about the details and those too
much info or TMI stories over and over. I literally did nothing. I keep asking
questions from what she answered. And repeat. Rinse, cycle, and repeat,
remember? When she had all she wanted to say heard, or she feels heard, she will stop and jump down and run away.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Same goes when she plays with her second cousins, Danish and Qaisara. She usually will be the one being teased and she bursts into tears every time this happens. Guess what? When it happens, she will run towards me, and ask me all those questions, the typical why and why those two kids said such things and bla bla bla. When I comforted her and she feels better, she will jump down from my arms, and run back to the siblings and continue playing. She will say, “Okay, I want to continue playing with Abam Nish and Kak Omei” or continue to finish her colouring or continue whatever she was doing before. She will hop off from my lap and run away and resume her things. </div>
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Sometimes, I even had to beg her to give a kiss. Imagine that, I am her father,
her core, her mountain, what not, and yet I had to ask for a little act of love
from my own 4 year old girl?? Sometimes, she does it, sometimes she just shrugs
me off and ignores me. I was like, seriously?? But I never take it personally. <o:p></o:p>That really hit me hard. Every time. Without fail. But somehow, it teaches me something, every time.</div>
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And WOW! And there and then, that was when the magic moment kicks in. And now, I know. Like really really understand this shit. Girls are like that! Nothing personal, but they are just born like that.</div>
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It is
scientifically proven that the dynamic is the same when a girl gets into a
romantic relationship with a boy. She will act and react towards him exactly how
she grows up with her father. She tends to look for the same qualities. She tends
to dislike or at least be able to see the things that are lacking in that boy’s
core, his values, and etc. And it is not her fault if she expects or having a
set of expectations of how the boy to treat her. Because she is so
accustomed to this. She is used to this. Same goes to my daughter. Any girl for
that matter. Insyirah will come to me at her will. Whenever she feels like,
wherever she wants to. At her own PACE, SPACE and TIME. She doesn’t need me to
say the magic three little words or the famous four letter word all the time. She
will ask for it whenever she wants it, when she feels like the need to hear it
from me. Other than that, she will continue to be her space, doing things she
likes. Without me or me pestering her. I love it when I pretend to be a nosy
little boy, tickling her, distracting her, just trying to get into her way
especially when she is watching her cartoons in YouTube. She hates me when I do
that. And I’ll usually stop when she about to cry or when my mom yells at me to
stop! LOL.<br />
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Now, you see, a
girl doesn’t want us boys to say nice things to her all the time. Let alone saying
that we like them, right away in the first date. They know it. It is like a common
sense to them. But not to us. They do not need us to say that we like them to
know it. They are trained to read the signs, our body languages, both our verbal
and non-verbal signs, the glow in our eyes, the tone when we talk on the phone,
how we text, the frequency of our text, the speed of our reply, simply
EVERYTHING. The fact that we ask them out, they know straight away that we are
into them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Girls or women,
go on dates to see what it is about the guy, what is he made of. Not to be in a
relationship straight away. Guys go on dates to lock the girl into labels and commitment. It takes more than that to get them in love, to
have them emotionally engaged. We got to balance it all. Between too much and not enough.</div>
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This is actually unavoidable since men are meant to break barriers, achieving goals in life, to provide, etc. It comes together with the ego as a package. Oh well. Hehe. Meanwhile women are meant to receive, to bond, to nurture, to love and to trust. I'm not being sexist here but just stating my observations and what I've learned over the years. </div>
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They said, women are like cats and men are like
dogs. Dogs are loyal, they like it when people show affection to them, and they
run after the bone people throw for them to chase. They go nuts when people pet
them, or have them pampered. They show it straight away that they like it and
love their master who smothered them with affections. And dogs are loyal to their masters. But women on the other
hand, are like cats, a curious creature. How many times when we chase a cat and
they stop and let us hold them like dogs? Yeah, exactly, ZERO! <b><i>Si, nunca!</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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They usually walk
in circle, lurking, stalking, analysing, and don’t be surprised if you see a
cat comes and rubs her fur at someone’s feet and that person is the one in the
whole room who paid least attention to it. Basically a girl, needs to feel
safe, and sure that they guy is good enough for her in order to help her to
grow more, and be better. She doesn’t need another younger brother, for her to
babysit. She doesn’t have time to wait for the guy to grow into the man she
hopes him to be. She definitely doesn’t want to teach him about life or how to
be a man. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Yes, she wants
another sun, to shine and to light her paths. The same mountain like how her dad treats her. The man, who is
centred at his core and values, that man who she can always feel safe and
assure of herself. She needs a substitute to her dad. A similiar father-esque figure, whom she
can rely upon, but in a romantic manner. She looks for another alpha male. Not
a boy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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How many times we hear that girls talk about that confidence in men is the sexiest thing that attracts them most above other things? Not money, and definitely not looks. But men, on the other hand are visual
creatures. Well, I hate to admit this but it is true. When a guy sees a girl,
he knows already whether he likes her or not. If he likes her, he will let the
clouds smother him, only to find him day dreaming, wondering on how great the
sex will be, how many kids he will have with her, how great the wedding
ceremony will be, how adventurous the life growing old will be, simply everything. LOL! For some
reason, blame the movies, the chick flicks that we see day in day out for
years. In the movie, a boy meets a girl, the boy likes the girl, pursues her,
says the typical <b><i>you-are-the-last-beautiful-girl-on-earth</i></b> poetic kind of words right away and the girl smiles, he dines her, wines
her, buys her flowers, they fall in love, and the boy does more and the girl
can’t help herself to fall in love more and more, says to herself "oh well, MAYBE I do like this guy" and they got married and live
happily ever after. Oh yes, plain daylight robbery kinda lie. In real life,
this doesn’t happen all the time. Seldom there is a maybe case. Probably 90 percent of the times, not the
case. Not by chance, not at all. Big bull shit billboard there. <b><i>Lo siento!</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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In real life, the
only way for a girl to fall for a boy is, the boy to be her mountain. He takes his time,
slowly she feels comfortable and more comfortable with him until she knows that
she feels safe to be around him. How she felt safe to be around her father. She doesn’t need the wine
dine and flower yet. Not just yet. Those vain efforts are usually perceived as bribery for sex. And act of neediness. And over pursuing will definitely turns her
off. She only wants him to get to know her. She wants to see whether he is
compatible with her for her to open up. To be emotionally engaged. She wants to
see what the boy is made of. His values. His aspiration about life. Is he
having his shits in life all together? Can he provide? Can he remain composed and unmoved in hard times? If the boy continues to do everything right and timely right, she will continue to feel comfortable with him and feels that she wants more and more. Too much until she is all over him. She will starts to pursue and do all the pursuing. When all these assurance creep in little by
little, then only she will brings out the exclusivity topic, the “now what are we”
talks. And this probably takes months. Hence, only then, the dines, wines and
flowers are permitted. Really, it is what it is. This is how attraction works. The
law of attraction.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So for those guys
out there reading this, do take your time and do not over pursue. RELAX. Take a thing,
one step at a time. Just go out and have fun. This is also scientifically proven that couples who play and do fun physical activities together will naturally bond better. Laughs and jokes around. Nothing
serious. Banter, tease and banter. No politics, religions, or ideologies. Save those for your best male buddies during <i>teh tarik</i> session after <i>futsal</i>. Just be yourself. Nothing fancy. Let it flow, naturally, like the streams down the waterfall. It works like a gravity. Over pursuing will only leads to rejection. She will back off, fearing for many things. Over pursuing or rushing things out only shows the lack of manhood in the guy, that he fears that she will not like him and dumps him. Well, what we fear most, will eventually gets the better of us. Careful there. What if things don't work out? Easy, lick up the wounds, and move on. Continue searching. Remember, it is nothing personal, it is just that she wasn't really into you. Do not be bitter or butt hurt bout it, be a man and continue be nice, and slowly walk away. It is just a numbers game. Purely statistic. Some girls like you, and probably, more do not. </div>
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The objective in any relationship is,
for us to give. Without having any expectation, or expecting anything in return.
We all should be in any form of relationship with the “to offer” mentality,
simply not in “what to get from this” kinda mentality. We all should be in a
relationship to grow each other. Or in other words, we should look for a relationship with someone who wants to share their completeness with us, not to complete each other. And do not get complacent, the courtship never ends! 10 months dating or 30 years marriage? It doesn't matter. The effort is still the same. It doesn't matter what you did good in the past. Always you got to be the gentleman for them to put on their make ups. It is as simple like that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After all, love
is all about giving. The unconditional love. I don’t expect my daughter to say
she loves me back every time I say that to her. Or say thank you for all what I’ve
done for her. I’m here to give. To give my all, and never expect anything in
return. The respect, the love, the appreciation will all come naturally. And a partner who is equally matured and having the same principles will reciprocate accordingly. There's no need to be fearful about that. And hopefully,
my daughter and her brother will adopt the same principle. Give from the heart,
and know the value of love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But do not
mistaken this giving it all as a weakness. It is not a sign of inadequacy or
insecurity. Not even a slight hint. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This is the true strength.
A noble sign of self-loving, self-belief, pure sign of honesty, and a great sign
of completeness. This is an abundance mentality, not scarcity mentality.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But before we
give it all, we need to know how to filter. How to remain composed during the
selection process, what to look for, what to avoid and when to stop caring,
who, how much and when to invest emotionally etc. I didn’t learn all these overnight.
It took me years to finally realize this. It took me countless of heartache,
countless of dates, and even a marriage to learn all these. I've been there done that, bought a T-shirt, took a picture and wrote a blog bout it! Kahkahkah. But I live with no regret. I never regret
myself marrying my ex wife. She taught me many things in this life. The marriage
and the divorce definitely taught me to be a better man. It is just that it didn’t
work out, and it was not meant to last longer than it is written to be. Again,
it is what it is. <b><i>Es lo que es.</i></b> We need to go through the NOs first before we got to the
YESes. Go for No because Yes is the inevitable destination, but it is the No is
how we get there. <b><i>Los NOs antes los SIs.</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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The key is to
find someone is equally excited to get know you. Someone who is interesting
enough to be interested to invest her time and emotions for you and to learn
more about you. It is whether she is interested in you or not.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Oh yes, it is.
It's either she likes you or not. Whether you are in or you’re out. She can't
choose whether she wants to like you or not. This is not a classic MAYBE or PERHAPS tragedy like in the movies. It doesn’t work that
way. Attraction is not an option, guys. Do take note of that. This is not a B rated chick flick movie. This is real life. And in real life experience, we all got
to play our cards right, keep them close to our chests in order to keep ourselves in the game, or else, we are out of
the game. It is either to out-wait or to be outwitted. Good luck! <b><i>Buena suerte!</i></b> <b><i>Adios.</i></b><o:p></o:p><br />
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Iqhbal Naeem Ismailhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11861578380926885064noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-67091310685275734172016-06-27T15:49:00.001+08:002016-06-28T11:53:46.401+08:00Mas Vale Tarde Que Nunca<div style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">We all should pick up an additional language or two. It is
never too late to learn one. No matter what age are you, what state of being
you are, it doesn't matter how busy at work or how caught up you are in the
traffic everyday, it is really never too late to learn. I've always believe in
the long life learning concept and picking up foreign language has many
benefits, more than you know, believe it or not. Of course they are never the short term kind of perks or privileges but be patience, the good
things will come, eventually. Did you know that it is scientifically
proven that people who are multilingual has far more less chance to get
Alzheimer than those who speak single language? </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I've been asked few times by friends and colleagues why do I
chose Spanish. Why not French instead, for example. Well, many reasons
actually. One of them is, apart from my perpetual quest to be a sophisticated global survivor who is capable to dress well all the time and converse deeply in multi languages (kihkih), Spanish is the third most spoken language in terms of
world population, after Mandarin and English. It's actually a close call
between Spanish & English. 20 countries in Central & South America have
had the language as their official or national language, or most utilised
language in business at the very least. Therefore, if I can master it, it means
that I've unlocked more than half of the world population. I can travel to
almost any country on this earth. </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I've also been asked frequently how do I learn Spanish. I
went to class for two months. But it didn't work out that well for me. Why?
One, it was once in a week class, on weekend only, and it was only 2 hours
class. It was so short to have me etched and immersed in the language. Two, I
have a classmate who is always "not synchronized" with my pace, and
that resulted my teacher to keep repeating what was covered over and over. So
that bored me. To death. Despite her (my classmate was a Russian girl) good
looks, I decided not to continue the class. Futhermore, it was quite expensive
to me, not justifiable, especially with that kind of pace. Not that I was being
too economical bout it, it's just that I wished I could gain more than that.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">So now how do I continue? Myriads of way to be honest. But
here are the main ones. Here are merely just my own preference. You can mixed them up with yours or scrap them totally. It's a free world where freedom is so expensive. <b><i>La libertad es cara.</i></b> Ehem.</span></div>
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<span lang="ES" style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">First, Duolingo.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b><i>Si todos de mundo, es Duolingo</i>.</b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Duolingo
has been my best friend for the past year or two. It is an application,
available in all markets, IOS and Android and even windows shop. And the best
part, it's totally free. It's very easy to use, it's fun and it offers many
languages. You can choose and learn multiple languages at one particular of
time. As long as you have the time and passion for it. They even offer Arabic
and Turkish!</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The way Duolingo is structured makes it fun and helpful. It
is colourful and the lessons are arranged step by step, you need to finish the
incumbent layer then you unlock the next layer and so forth. It's like playing
games. But in a very foreign and intellectual way of playing. It starts with
the very basic until the more complicated grammar lessons such as past
participle, subjuntive etc. It also has idioms and romance lessons, just in
case you might get sidetracked and your interest gets thinner. And who knows,
it might come handy in future. LOL. It also encourages you to repeat the course
over and over because that's the only way to train our brain to memorize.
Through repetition and endless repetition. To prevent brain decay it says.
Since it is available in mobile form, it helps me to learn Spanish whenever and
wherever I have the time. Oh and by the way, it also links up your achievement
to your LinkedIn account, another feature that might help you in future, career
wise.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Two, we all need a dictionary. The basis of a good dictionary is
of course, free, unlimited vocabulary or at least almost unlimited, easy to
access, mobile, and if possible, offers some example sentences using the word
that we looked up. For me, ¡SpanishDict! is by far one of the best interlingo
or inter idioma dictionary available in the market. Again, ¡SpanishDict! is
also available in all stores for free! Times are hard now, got to be cheap and
as thrifty as possible! Lol. I've tried all of them the English-Spanish
dictionaries available, but I personally like this one better. It also offers<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b><i>la conjugacion</i></b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>or the conjugation table for every
each verb that you search. Learning Spanish is all about mastering the verb
conjugations. That's the hardest part. It also has a function where it can give
you a daily reminder with word of the day that can be set at any point of time
in a day.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span lang="ES" style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">How's that work any better for you?<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b><i>Una palabra del dia casi a
diario, cada mañana!</i></b></span><span lang="ES" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Three, you need to practice. A lot. It is unfortunate that
I've been living in a very orthodox English speaking country where, a foreign
language is very foreign to everybody I stumbled upon, generally. So, where can
I practice my Spanish? Easy.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Es muy facil.</b> </i>Through deep immersion.<span class="apple-converted-space"><i> </i></span><i><b>La
inmersión profunda.</b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></i>Spanish
songs, Spanish articles, Spanish television series, everything in Spanish. I
even had my phone and laptop set in Spanish. What else can I do? If those are
not enough, try to read the news in Spanish. My Flipboard are set in Spanish.
Watch live stream football with Spanish commentary. Any other possible manner
that I can think of.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b><i>A
falta de pan buenas son las tortas</i></b>. Beggars can't be choosers. We have
to make do with whatever presented to us.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Four, get passionate about the cultures. As I already said
above, Spanish are the third most spoken language in the world. Those in
Central and South America speak Spanish. Except for Brazil where Portuguese is
preferred. From Spain to Venezuela, to Cuba el Caribe (the Carribeans), to
Guadalajara, Mexico and Argentina! So many things to learn and to see! Even
Spain itself is so diverse from north in the Basque Country to south in the
Andalucia. Learn to love the songs, the dance, the food. Their<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b><i>telenovela.</i></b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>There are so many things to learn and
so many ways to love the cultures, hence so many reasons not to learn the
language.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">I
even have had my own Spanish playlist in my Spotify, full of Spanish songs and
my Musixmatch linked to it so that I can listen to
my favourite Spanish songs and learn their lyrics there on the
go. Reggaeton is fun. Flamenco fusion songs are also fun to start with! </span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Five,
what happened when you get stuck and your motivation grows weary? Easy, learn
another language! Pick something harder. Life is always like that, we tend to
appreciate what we had and be in more appreciative mode when we get into
troubles. Face it, whether you like it or not. <b><i>Estas son nuestra
realidades!</i></b><i> </i>In my case, I simply went for Russian and
French. Just to make me feel that Spanish is a lot more easier. Which is the
very true case for me. It worked. I somehow regained my motivation to continue.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Six,
look for others like you. Other people who are around you and also learning the
same language. In my case, I used an app called Meetup. Yes, it is a FREE social
media app. I found a group in there for French and Spanish Speakers in Kuala
Lumpur. <b><i>Que interesante! </i></b>How interesting is that?! To
meet people of your "kind". From there, we meet up once in
every fortnight, for coffee and chit chat in the two languages. People
from various backgrounds and professions. All with one purpose, to practice
speaking. Learning a new language is all about communicating. To be able to
speak or converse. And hopefully to be fluent. We even have our own Whatsapp
groups, one for French speakers, and one for Spanish speakers. In there we
shared a lot of information, from Youtube links to articles to the very daily
basic conversations of getting to know each other. We have native speakers from
Mexico, my friend from Granada, Spain, some ex students who used to study in
Spain or France, some got married to native speaker and live in Malaysia, we have Japanese expat but wants to learn Spanish, we
got engineers, embassy staffs (from Spanish speaking countries), physiotherapist, language teachers, business man and it is all
mixed up. Jumbled but fun! <b><i>Somos como una ensalada!</i></b></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Who
ever thought learning a new language can be so fun and colourful!</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">The <a href="http://www.yearlyglot.com/10-reasons-why-spanish-is-the-best-first-choice-of-second-language/" style="line-height: 19.32px;" target="_blank">link</a> shared some insights why
Spanish is not so foreign anymore and why it should be first choice when it
comes to be second mother tongue. After almost two years of learning Spanish,
and few others "foreign languages" like Russian and French, it is
safe to say that Spanish is by far, the easiest to master. What you read is
what you pronounce. It is like a brother to English. I would say 50 percent of
the nouns and verbs are almost the same, if not totally the same. It's just the
pronunciation is a bit different since Spanish tongue don't work the same. But
you can guess what it is when you read it. At least it is not written
in Cyrillic like the Russian! And it offers more cultural
benefits than the others. From Barcelona to Chile to Puerto Rico to Panama.
That's just my personal tendency to be bias. Or it might just be me being bias.
Lol. But whatever it is, it is never too late.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span lang="ES" style="background: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">Better late than never. <b style="line-height: 19.32px;"><i>Mas vale tarde, que
nunca.</i></b> <b><i>Hasta la proxima amigos, ciao!</i></b></span><span lang="ES" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Iqhbal Naeem Ismailhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11861578380926885064noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-13085125974637905192016-01-17T20:16:00.001+08:002016-01-18T10:00:27.847+08:00Keeping It Platonic<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Platonic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If appealing is the definition to give to the word just by the spelling and the pronunciation, it is indeed a good association. Isn't it catchy and intriguing? The word itself , is already non ideal, non parochial. It's melodic and can work as a "tonic" to make it as memorable as it gets.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, that works out very well isn't it? At least by it's definition. At least for me, it is.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is it all bout being platonic? Some says that it is kinda relationship between a boy and girl, so weird that the vibes are all positives but there's no real string attached whatsoever. It's like,<b><i> I-like-being-friends-and-talking-with-you-but-I-don't-want-you</i></b> kinda relationship.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Keeping it platonic. As catchy and intriguing as it sounds, having or trying to maintain a platonic relationship is equally never an easy task. It is not a religiously straight forward concept to uphold. Well, conceptually it is already a mess.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some says it's a eccentric kinda close relationship, close enough to say " I don't want you, FYI".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But then, all the mushy elements in that particular friendship do exist only to lack the sexual perspective of it. Can this be possible? I sense this will devour me, subconsciously, without me realizing it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, as oxymoron as it sounds, as deeply confusing as it sounds, I am still intrigued to meet her. I do. Meeting this girl is the <i>"primera objectivo"</i> for me for the time being, this very much particular period of time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do want to meet this girl, personally. Period.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want her to get to know me. Vice versa. I want to unlock, unfold this <i>"travesura"</i>, I'm interested to learn more bout her. Very. I crave to lean myself towards learning on what it is that makes this girl. Who is this girl who makes me want to be bad. I want to do this so bad, in a very bad boy kinda way. Sometimes I feel I want to get bad, for her I am nasty. <i>Me pones como loco, por ti me pongo mal.</i> That sounds crazy, right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coming back to being platonic. I don't know whether it is a good idea. Whether to keep it that way. Well, honestly I don't know what I want. LOL.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But one thing for sure this what I want. Learning bout each other. Stepping out from the existing boundary of these annoying restrictive textings zone. It's suffocating.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want her to understand me, my complications, how complicated I am, my difficulties, how difficult to be me, how it is not easy to be with me, with all the history, my circumstances, my status quo, my children. I want her to know that it is okay, to be associated with someone like me. And in my deepest sincerity, I feel like pouring her with all the love within my possession. Which I doubt such exists.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the same time I don't want her to know that there's a possibility of us liking each other. I don't want to impress her, not intentionally, not when I'm in my full conscious. Which is totally crap, I think. For some unknown ambiguous reasons, I'm beating around the bushes, in my own self created maze, between reality and dream, whether to sweep this girl off her feet or to continue to be in my shitty platonic zones. <i>Estoy perdido</i>. Damn right, I'm lost.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can't stop thinking about her. I certainly don't want to this to stop. <i>No quiero dejar de pensar en su.</i> Whatever it is. Sometimes I feel out of synchronization, lost in my own translations, between my self definition of platonic, and what I really feel. It's like I'm trying to fool her in this "casino royale"-esque poker game of love, that I'm up for the challenge, with all the cards on the table. It's a perfect picturesque of how 007 got bewildered by Vesper Lynd. Whether it's working or not? I don't know. I got not a single clue. Maybe I'm just fooling around, or I am a fool to set myself for another epic series of self cremation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are times I do ask myself why am I putting myself in this cyber torture? Unnecessarily. Is it worth the time, the headache, the heartache. Why? Why do I keep getting myself into silly indescribable trouble, unrelenting, consuming, overwhelming and undoing all the hard work I've put into. Is this going to make me better? A better person, a better man? Will this condemn me into another self inflicting wounds, for wanting someone is not available?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who is this unfortunate girl? :-P</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, she is an irresistible soul. A non text book kinda girl, intangible in many ways. Disparate. She got this weird style of describing things, which I find it funny. She makes me unconsciously smile when I read her texts. Fundamentally, she's different. Different enough to get my attentions, distinct enough to get me caught. She keeps getting me in a confusion state of mind, so divergent, far away from what I think it is the "ideal" me and the old unfamiliar wild me. She is contrastive, so in congruent to make me to lose control over myself. Silly things become not silly anymore. She makes me forget many things, suddenly wrong things can be re-positioned, suddenly crazy things are not so crazy anymore. Makes me want to let go. Well, I hold back many things in my life, stacking up to become an unwanted deposition on my shoulders, dragging me backwards. She makes me want to be unstuck. If there's such word. She makes me want to want her. She's my Vesper now. <i>Mi chica ideal.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ah, crazy. I think I'm going crazy. <i>Y no me puedo contener.</i> And, I can not help myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What about her? I wonder how is she doing. Juggling between her "routines" and having me pestering her in daily frequency. I wonder what is she feeling now. Deep inside, I feel bad for putting her in this entangling situation. Maybe she doesn't have to be in this mess. For all what she is having now. All these nuisances and deceiving signals I'm sending are not what she's looking for, certainly not even par to what she's experiencing now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why am I putting her into this? Getting her to think hard, between what she already has and what I can possibly offer. Should I continue or shall I embrace the idea of retreating-is-not-so-bad kinda idea? Well, whatever it is, I hope we both will not regret it. Whatever the outcomes, the end. Hmmm. Exhale, deep purging kinda exhales.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, before I go on and on, pointless, senseless, and hopelessly relentlessly effortlessly making myself more stupid than I already am, I better stop this. Let me continue to sink myself, down in my own platonic cyber relationship. Some things in this life you don't get it twice. And this is one of them. <i>Tu amigo, loco kukubal.</i></span><br />
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Iqhbal Naeem Ismailhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11861578380926885064noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-15654520072854338392015-09-02T19:08:00.000+08:002016-01-13T15:21:35.609+08:00Endless Malarkey<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Salam all. I know. It's been ages since I last wrote here. I even forgot that I had a blog. Seriously. And more surprisingly even to myself is, this blog for some ambiguous reasons contains 157 posts already?! My god, was I <i>that</i> vocal? Or was I just being myself? Flooding rants in this very humble page that has a very limited number of readers. I am pretty positive about the statistical analysis of that. Or maybe I was just too self criticised and self analyzing, so rampant in my individualistic notions that I simply had too much to write. And<i> that </i>I can attest too :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's been a year plus since my last post. I've been busy. With many things, among all, getting to know myself. I have come to a very delicate state of mind that there is nobody worth knowing unless you know yourself. God and the prophet excluded, of course. To really know what are we really capable of, our limits and to learn to master ourselves. Age is catching up with me, to be honest with you. I've learn recently to tactfully decline to any future endeavours that might put my well being in jeopardy. Be it a strong temptation to buy unnecessary pair of new shoes or an invitation from a friend, unscheduled, for coffee hangout kinda thing, so late that I know I am so going to have a problem adhering to my morning routine the very next day. Unless, it's weekend eve's night, of course. That's different. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being routinely disciplined is good for me, and it is exactly what I need to manage myself. And my time. I simply just can't afford to live like that anymore. Going to bed late for example. And being so immersed in my perpetual desire to be a full time professional golfer competing in the European Tour which outside my liking, completely turned me into a complete mad golf scientist, if such thing exists. I spent too much time at the range, countless of hours practising, inviting for a party of bodily malfunctions. And I know my body is not in the agreeable state anymore, with my lower back being the most <i>vocal</i> about it. Too much of anything is never a good thing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I need to be in control. In a sense that being early, on top of things, being proactive not just in work but it is so extensive that all this being religiously timely applies to my personal life. From paying the bills, the groceries, my grooming, getting my haircut, servicing my car, my financial management etc.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But what is it about good practices without consistency? I'm totally passed that period of identification and self/soul searching, whatever you might want to label it. I'm bloody thirty two and not getting any younger, apparently. Divorced for almost two years, with two kids. It is just not befitting for me to be and act in slack and sluggish. I can't. Can't afford and in my conscience, I won't. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I think we've already came to the conclusion (in the previous post, at the very least) that divorce is not a good thing and there's indeed no need to dwell on it. But managing the "post-divorced" era is even tougher than I ever imagined. And to a large extent it does, and it does taking its toll on me and my family. Especially the children.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am not putting any sugar coat on this. I think the children is the most affected ones. I do however, in my usual best, sprightly appear to be well managed, somehow, emotionally and extravagantly extrovert. But the fear is always going to be there. Well, I am recovered. I go out, I golf, I work, I meet people, I talk, a lot, business as usual. But it is <i>that</i> fear, of my children imbalanced and unconventional upbringing that worry me most.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">The narrative that's been laid in front of us in recent decades is that money </span><i style="line-height: 24px;">does</i><span style="line-height: 24px;"> rule, and unfortunately to a certain extent it does. But money shall not solely define any human being self sustainability and certainly not at the expense of integrity. 2014 was tough year for me. Financially. And institutionally. I was out of job twice. In job </span><i style="line-height: 24px;">transitions</i><span style="line-height: 24px;"> I called it. I had to endure a torrid period of time of my life with no savings, fully depending on my parents' pension money (yes, I know, I should have not burden them anymore, but how I wish it was avoidable) and to my deepest shame, I had to borrow some money from my close friends I met at the range (guess, golf buddies are cool after all, isn't?) for legal fees etc since my ex-wife filed summons for custody of our daughter in court. Twice. Which in my </span><i style="line-height: 24px;">rarely</i><span style="line-height: 24px;"> issued humble opinion, a true indication of greed and relationship damaging manifesto. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">She is burning bridges. That's all. A self centered move, fully disguised in the name of </span><i style="line-height: 24px;">syariah</i><span style="line-height: 24px;"> law, taking advantage of their self proclaimed slight upper hand, only and limited to only in terms of financially. There's no rights or wrongs about the divorce decision, which in my understanding, was mutually agreed and its repercussions are to be embraced. Don't slam on the repercussions now. It's expected and of all people you should have known this since you were the one who asked for it. You can't just dragged the other party to court every time, simply just because you think things should be in certain way, or in certain manners, which are always for me, one sided, to your self benefiting only. Just because you think it is good, good for you or the children, it does not necessarily mean it is going to be good for me. And to my parents. And surprisingly, to our daughter herself. I personally don't think that she would agree with all these so called fights for rights thingy. Too bad she is too young to understand.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Enough with all the bad tones. It is just not me. You know what I've discovered recently too? You can only love yourself much and that much, above all. And self loving is the very basic love principle and loving attitude before any of us has any idea to love any other human being. Love yourself first, then talk bout loving others. Bad tones is "self-love" damaging for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let's talk bout the beautiful things that happened. Oh yes, the travels. First, Melbourne, then London. I am lucky, very lucky to be honest to have such wonderful parents who see travelling as a good thing, and I am very grateful to be given such opportunity to travel with my parents despite all the setbacks. I guess, there's no doubt whatsoever now that their love for my daughter (their one and only granddaughter by the way, for the time being) stand above all. Even higher than all my blunderbusses to date, and I was very well positioned to take advantage of that :-P Yeah, free tickets etc. Who wouldn't want those? Lol.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Melbourne trip was in August last year. It was a cold eye opening trip down south. Melbourne is such well organized especially in their CBD that it is so easy for you to get your way around. Then London was early May this year. We even went to Paris too. We celebrated Insyirah's birthday that day under the Eiffel Tower. She turned 3 that day. Took the train for a quick visit to France. I finally set foot in Europe and even though it was kinda sad that Madrid wasn't included within the itinerary but I was satisfied with the whole trip, as a whole. I learned a lot from the trip. The culture, the vast western civilization, the facilities, how they manage and juggle to balance between preserving nature within the metropolitan compound and infrastructure mega conglomerate. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I just love walking in the Hyde Park with Insyirah in the morning, with a hot latte in my hands and my mom home cooked sandwich for breakfast, spent time walking from one end to the other, sit by the lake, watching the swans and how my daughter gave them bread crumbs and chasing the squirrels and rabbits around, and passers-by talking to each others at the cafe and above all what I love most, exchanging words with any strangers that I can possibly have the opportunity to utter words with. It was just, self revealing. Talking about just about anything and to be honest, nothing in particular to some British old ladies and tourists in the bus, out of the blue in a foreign country was just fun! Some spontaneity in travel is always fun. Learned that life doesn't have to be stressful and <i>that</i> hard, you know. There's always a good side of anything even after such a bad thing. Yes, we all already know that life is hard, but being gloomy and living in the past just won't take you nowhere. Certainly not to Spain I guess :-P</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The only thing that didn't go well with the trips is, Furqan's absence. I have made it clear to myself that the next journey shall have him with us. That's a promise. Here are some pictures from both trip.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Okay, I think it is enough of these endless malarkey. I am going to excuse myself with these wise words from Bil Keane saying that, </span><span style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Yesterday’s
the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called
the present.” Till then, appreciate today and the present, be good folks. Cheers.</span></span></div>
Iqhbal Naeem Ismailhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11861578380926885064noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-76394959767681564772014-04-11T02:12:00.000+08:002014-04-11T13:01:05.910+08:00Living It BestSalam. I know. It's been ages since I last posted in here. It's been almost a year now. So many things happened in a year, even I lost track on the changes myself.<br />
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Firstly, Insyirah is going to be a year older by the end of this month. She will be two years old then. Time flies, and watching her grows everyday is the best thing to do after having her in this world was one of the best things that happened in my life. And she has a younger brother now named Furqan. Furqan was born last year, end of June to be precise. And having another breathing human being with my name as his last name is another blessing that I am so grateful for. My son, the heir of my throne.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhisVhyphenhyphenM5I_TUx23fZGzMlENr-rk6jKkD5RSWky2UdlhcDeUUagylHJOn_wWEr9KsJGcn161vRnYsQqCkiS_Mqia50EvKLT-Psld3q0Uddsw9Ab_CwFOhIUPCO9YgdqgvPU_ADFGm5I2pU/s1600/InstagramCapture_4a47cef8-7032-41ab-b42f-8ea2945b037b_jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhisVhyphenhyphenM5I_TUx23fZGzMlENr-rk6jKkD5RSWky2UdlhcDeUUagylHJOn_wWEr9KsJGcn161vRnYsQqCkiS_Mqia50EvKLT-Psld3q0Uddsw9Ab_CwFOhIUPCO9YgdqgvPU_ADFGm5I2pU/s1600/InstagramCapture_4a47cef8-7032-41ab-b42f-8ea2945b037b_jpg.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><br />
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Secondly, I just got divorced. I know, that just spoiled it all. After all the good things in the previous two paragraphs. Well, I've been wanting to write bout this much much sooner, a lot sooner than this. To express what I felt during the process, over a period of time. It when on for few months until we finally settled in court and reached sort of a mutual agreement, on the children custodies and many other things. Well, divorce is never a good thing. Never easy. And mutual was hardly in it. It was a fair and mutual kind of setlement, I think. For me, at least. Each of us get a custody for one of the children. Insyirah stays with me in the capital. Furqan stays with his mother in JB. I gave her the visitation right, unlimited, unsupervised and vice versa. She can come and visit or take Insyirah overnight. I'm planning to do the same with Furqan but decided to postpone it until he is slightly older. He needs his mother most. Too young to stay overnight without his mother.<br />
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It is not that I don't want it, god knows how bad I want to have my son sleeping over, but the timing is not just right. Not yet. I love my son and daughter equally. Not more not less.<br />
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Both of them are not the same, in my observations, limited but sure enough I know that my children have different set of being. The way they sleep, the way they look at me, the way they were born, the behaviour, the way they cried for any reason, everything. Same blood running in their veins, but different in many ways. But I love them the same. Irony.<br />
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I tried to be as fair as I can. For her, the children, my parents in law, my parents, everybody but never to myself. All my life I tried to be fair and work my best to please most people, if not everybody. Well, self sacrificing has become my repertoire lately. I guess having children changed me as a person. In a good way, of course. That I always put them infont of anything, and I will do anything that I can think of, everything in my might and within my knowledge to give them the best. Best kind of living. Anything. Even if I have to starve or die.<br />
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Okay, what really happened? What were the causes? Personally, I think let's just put it this way. Two adults just can not be together anymore, under one roof, as husband and wife. Maybe it's our fate that it only lasted for three years. That it is already written this way. Knowing me, always strive for positiveness, that I look it as a process to make me as a better person. Do not get me wrong, like I said, divorce is not a good thing, never will be, and shall not be an alternative in the first place, but I always believe that this is all within His plans. Everything happens for a reason. Anything. And my divorce is no stranger to it. It is true, that divorce is allowed in our religion but never a good thing. He hates it most. And so do I.<br />
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Why do I hate it? Because it's a failure. My failure. And god, I hate it so bad that I know, this will affect my children. If not mentally, emotionally. Sooner or later. Eventually. Or maybe it is happening. I don't know. I can not tell. It's too early. But it affected me.<br />
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Everynight when I put Insyirah to bed, it gets me to think, like, f***, what have I done?! Always ask myself that is this the right thing to do? Could I've done any better? Save the marriage. For the children? The two people that I claimed so bad to be my utmost priority in my whole entire universe. Is this a good thing, having two siblings living and growing separately? Am I greedy to take Insyirah away from her mother? Am I cruel to leave Furqan unattended? What about his unbalanced upbinging?!<br />
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Thousand and one questions keep bugging me. Every night. Without miss. Speaking of miss, god! I miss my son. It's been over a month since I held him in arms.<br />
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Well, life. This is life. My life. My fate. My challenges. To raise a kid, without her mother. To miss another one, every single day. To live and to sleep with all these burdens, not knowing what will happen tomorrow, breathing remorses and doubts, worrying bout the two people that I love the most.<br />
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I hope this all will pass. Albeit I knew that the guilt will always be there. For the rest of my life. Yet, somehow I'm living it best.<br />
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<br />kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-27064024576249655312013-05-28T10:58:00.002+08:002013-05-28T12:05:55.181+08:00An Eternal StudentI went to my old office in the twin towers yesterday. It was a good reminiscence of the good old days. It is always good to see old friends and bosses at old work place. Now I'm serving my old colleagues to supply their shortage in case there's any in the hydrocarbon finished products.<br />
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I left my previous job earlier this month to join the current one. I'm doing petroleum trading now. It was a tough decision to make, probably one of the hardest one, if there's such one. I really like what I was doing in the previous company. I like the culture, the job descriptions given, I love the liberty of control given, I was free to roam, the trust to make decisions in both commercial deals and market developments. It was fun yet full of life learning. It was the first time I'm doing sales and marketing. I took the giant leap of faith to do something I never done before, something alien to me, some tasks I never trained before, not by design or in formal educational background. But I took the challenge, to leave my comfort zones, believe in my capability and natural talents, which is, being with people.<br />
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But love affair don't last. As I was getting good in what I did, learning fast, came offers knocking on my door. I got two offers. One to be a downstream operational consultant and another one to be a petroleum trader. Both were handsome offers. Double from what I was getting. So there was I, in dilemma. Between my passion and my responsibility to my loved ones. My soon to be born son is due in July. So this has to be his, meant for my boy. My heir to my throne :) My family deserves a better life. Not to say that what we are having now is bad, but certainly an improved life and house earning will help. Well, money is not everything towards good life balance and happiness but money plays a big role in everything in life nowadays.<br />
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It took me sometime to come out with the decision. But good offers usually don't come knocking twice. It was sad to part ways with things that you like to do, especially when you were just about to get started to get better in it. I learned a lot. Tonnes of knowledge gathered. Finally I found something I like. After almost 7 years of professional career in the industry, after years of disappointments and "try and error" downfalls, I found it, the one dream job. And it is safe to say, I was happy, finally. But as we grow older there will come to a point where we have to make a decision against our own willing and put our loved ones first. I've reached to that point where I become less selfish and think more others under my care. Well, that's life.<br />
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Here I am now at G Tower, one of the famous stylish office and hotel building occupied by mostly oil and gas companies in the middle of the city. Starting all over again. Learning and learn and learn. I never seem to stop learning. For me, the learning process has no end. The curve is always going to be left open. And I feel like I am an eternal student in this life. I am still yet to seal my very first trade deal. Looking forward to that. I kind of like the culture here. Similar to what I had before but slightly different in some ways. The bosses are nice and ambitious. It is a new company with big aspirations. And I'm going to be a vital part in growing this company to be big. Hopefully.<br />
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This morning, as I was in the train to the office, scrolling down through my old music playlists, I stumbled to this song which I first listened 7 years ago. I downloaded it when I about to graduate from the university and I listened to it everyday during my days in the factory. The first job. Time really flies. Seems like it was forever. I've changed so much since then. Physically. I'm fat now. LOL.<br />
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So I want to share this song. It's a good song by a band called Nevertheless. About love and lover. It is saying that life must be spent like we are living and dying. Let us live like we are alive, nevertheless we are dying, soon. Deep :P<br />
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Being an emo band star is probably the only thing remains unfulfilled yet. I've been an engineer, an executive, been in aviation operations, did governance for a while, hated it and left for sales, still a graphic artist, in love with photography, then an avid golfer and now trading. But never been a star. Not just quite be able to continue with the band thingy when we left the university.<br />
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I now define myself as a seasoned aviator turned trader. Was a lousy engineer, a retired lover and now venture as a father and trader. But my love to my family will never cease. Enjoy the song and till then, I'm out.kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-71742738244460350702013-04-02T11:23:00.002+08:002013-04-02T11:28:00.145+08:00Effortless In ForgivenessI just don't understand why people still wants to justify when they are saying sorry.<br />
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We don't justify why we are sorry. Guilt is never to be reasoned. Forgiveness is a product of common civic value, a by product of humility. Apologies are never to be followed by proud excuses.<br />
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We are humans, we are bound to make mistakes. Error prone. When we do make mistakes, we feel sorry about them, and the guilt creeps in. And we seek for forgiveness. That is part of humanity and that is all about being a mortal. We have feelings.<br />
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We don't say "I'm so sorry for what I've done, but really, I want you to know that I did it because of I don't respect you bla bla bla.."...<br />
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Seriously, that was horrible. I doubt the sincerity of the plead for forgiveness.<br />
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And when people tries to do that, that derivation of why they are sorry, they tend to talk a lot. Tonnes of unnecessary things. Too much of a thing really will not help to ease up things.<br />
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Too much info doesn't mend, it is deteriorating instead. Bores the patch, pokes the wound.<br />
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We say sorry. Full stop. That's it. That is how it should be. And somehow it reflects true honesty.<br />
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And for that, sorry is always seems to be the hardest word. Because it is not easy. Only the strong can say sorry. Sincerely.<br />
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But it is never meant to be so expensive, let alone being cheap. Forgiveness is just priceless. And for me, it should be effortless.kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-7723188088512034062013-02-18T11:06:00.002+08:002013-02-18T11:24:03.158+08:00Marketeer : A New Found Glory<br />
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It’s been more than a month and a half. I finally got to do
sales and marketing. Well guys, stick around and see what I have to say about finally being
a marketeer.<o:p></o:p></div>
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From what I've gathered after 7 years in the oil and gas
industry, my observations tell me that it’s a task of being perseverance,
margins play-around, with the risk being rejected, or easily accepted, like gambling using soft skills, persistent follow up, getting to know
people, accommodating different people with different needs, customisation in solutions, timely delivery, bla bla bla. Long list ahead.</div>
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I've learned some of those along the way, some I've come across by many
means, and some I might not be truly familiar with, but basically I got the
whole idea. Well, me being me, with my greatest assets of persuading and being
able to see the big pictures, I had my head over my heels when I got the job offer. I knew that I can do it. Like a child riding his very first bicycle, hell I was full of joy. For some reasons, I was very confident and keen on this new adventure of mine, embarking on this thrilling journey of a game called sales! But then again, my over positivity caught me off guard.</div>
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Apparently, there's more to it. A lot of things that I didn't know back then. Now we talk bout cold calls, price validity, due diligence, market intelligence, intimacy visits or lunches, and the hardest part is, expanding the market. Sustaining existing customers is essential, don't get me wrong on that, but getting complacent with the current market is just never enough if we want to survive in this rough business. In order to maintain the competitiveness, both in terms of pricing and product availability, there's a lot to consider.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I think I've outdone myself well, for my first month. I've sold 7 units of tote tanks, with more than 150 thousands revenue. Which quite an achievement for a rookie salesman. But I will never rest and take the foot off the gas. It was considered a given sale, from a reoccurring client. I was there at the place at the right time. I need to out stretch myself more. Against the complacency which honestly started to creep in as soon as I got my first two purchase orders.</div>
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Nevertheless, what I like most bout doing sales is, meeting people. Oh, how much I thrive it. I'm surprised that I talked bout the product average of less than 5 minutes in the entire meeting. The rest is all about everything. Global. Borderless. We talked about diabetes, football, parenthood, politics and current political scenes, the jews, world economic, travelling, people and places to see, we talk bout dreams, marriage, photography and even golf! Golf topic can be long and very draggy. :) And I like that. Being able to talk about almost everything. It might not be in depth. But suffice enough to keep the interest intact, hence an enquiry for a purchase. And I learned a lot from my clientèle and the people I met everyday. Seems like there's always something new everyday. Something that you never knew you going to get to know. Bloody tongue twisting :P </div>
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Moving on. Anyway, what I love most is, instilling values in people's life, in their daily routine. Which what I do best. Inculcating positive energies for people I met and people around me. Offering solutions to fit their needs, both in terms of professionally and in personal development. Some of the things I do, or I say, might look trivial and irrelevant. But I do and say those in a platform of pure honesty and well being. And I hope this valour and noble traits of mine will continue and never meet their end. For further seems forever.</div>
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Life is good so far. I get to travel. A lot. Somehow golf becomes part of the job. My job description is very much in lined with my natural talents. All in all, I am happy, or should I say, much happier now. I'm thrilled to go to work everyday. I go to work early, without any hassle. I never drag myself to work nowadays. Anticipating new challenges everyday. It couldn't be any "perfecter" than this. Yeah, I know, I just made that word up. Lol! :P</div>
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In conclusion, this new found glory of mine is overwhelming. I'm all excited. I feel rejuvenated. Feels like I'm alive and young again. I feel relevant in everything I do. For some reasons, I feel like age will never catch me. I am just not going to get old. I level up instead. The excitement kicks start my heart, and it beats again. Breathing youth values deep from my core pinching straight to people's heart. I'm not just a trend setter, I am all a life changer.</div>
kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-5695918514897647102013-01-04T12:08:00.001+08:002013-05-28T12:06:06.149+08:00Resolutions<br />
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I know, it's kind of belated already to talk about resolutions. It's already four days past the new year's eve. But when it comes to self reflections and realizations, there's never a chance to be too late and it's better late than never. Being fashionably late somehow becoming my repertoire lately :)</div>
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Well, what can I say bout new year's resolutions. It has becoming a repetitive notion, more like a cycle, endless, and boring too. For me, listing it out alone is never enough. But achieving it all is the key. It's tough. Life is tough. And too short to make it all easy for us. And for that reason, I prefer the list to be a short as possible, concise and most importantly, achievable. Let's be realistic here.<br />
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I'm pushing for thirties this year. I'm no longer in my twenties. I found it hard to find a suitable and subtle way to say goodbyes to my mid and late twenties and a proper warm hello for my thirties. But it is all dust and done. Time flies. Like really fast. And those 10 years of late were, etching I should say. They shaped my well being, my personality, matured me up, heartbroken, joys, disappointments, achievements, etc, you name it all. But that's life, and life's like that. We can't run from all those things. I've seen the best, the worst, I wouldn't change what I've been through, I've touched the sky, I wormed myself up to leap the ground, I've fell on the floor, fell hard, hit the wall, but I did what I had to do.<br />
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Life is full of obstacles or the way I see it now, in a very positive perspective, they are challenges. Obstacle sounds too negative and too much for me. Well, I've been a fool, people called me freak, a geek, and nerd too. I've been loved, and I've been lied to. It's all like a cycle. There were ups and down. Balance. But all in all, I rather try and fail, thousand times denied. At least I know, whenever the pain felt, I'm alive. I've been right, certainly been wrong countless of times, but in the end it all worked out. The scars, are scratches of memories. They tell tales. And never healed. But time, they condone. So I can appear to be moved on. On the contrary, deep inside, I carry them all as part and parcel of my learning curve. Still do.<br />
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So what's my resolutions then? Simple, I want to get organized. And stay focused. These things don't seem to be in my list of fortes. I seem to be so incapable to stay focused. So now I want to be early. To work, for pray, family, golf, parenthood, Everything. On time for everything, in everything. Basically I want to be timely. To perfection. For me, life, it's all bout timing. And I want to be in control. On top of things. Because time is the only thing we can not buy. So priceless, that we can never turn it back. There's no rewind in life. No such thing as replay in this short span of living. I want to make it a habit. Control. I repeat, be in control.<br />
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Hence the name of the new blog layout. Breaking the habits. Since it's the second time I've chose the name, I put the 2.0 there. Just to make a difference from the previous one. I believe being timely and on time can make a huge difference and impact in my life. Hopefully it will, and I will gain control. People said, to gain control, first we have to submit. In my case, I've submitted to much, too much procrastination. I've suffered enough because of being less punctual. So now, in conjunction with me being old (lol!), I seriously don't want to be in the slavery of slackingness. I'm not doing this just for myself, but I am improving for the best for everyone, especially both in below's picture :)<br />
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kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-8357822569347604412012-12-03T13:10:00.001+08:002012-12-03T13:23:03.612+08:00Expectations Versus Confidence<div style="text-align: justify;">
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Last Saturday was a memorial day for me. For the first time in my golfing career, or my golf life persona, I played in a official golf tournament. It was MCOBA Masters, an annually held golf competition among us, the old boys. Actually, it is not really a competitive kind of tournament. The way we see it, it is more like a social gathering, a get together kind of outing in a golf course where the old ones meet the younger ones, and you know the rest :) It's my first tournament, and probably the most remembered ones for more to come in future endeavours.<br />
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But I am not writing about the tournament, the excitement, the networking, the feel and pride being part of the great MCOBA fraternity and such. I'm writing about my thousand and one failure during that particular round of golf. Let us just say, that I didn't have a good round that day. Certainly wasn't playing to my current potential. Well, I hit good drives but my short games were terrible. Duffed, I topped the ball on few occasions, I snapped during my putts, I didn't chip close to the hole like I used to do, and worst, I even shanked my pitch shots. You know, that sorts of silly but costly mistakes. By the time I reach the 9th hole, my score was already up to the target I've set earlier, with another 9 to go. Crazy.<br />
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So, what went wrong actually. Definitely I'm not that kind of player. I know I can do way better than that. I even score considerably good in my standard and potential on the same course, in a round of 18, 3 days earlier when I went for a dry run to get me well prepared. Which, makes it more unbearable. The frustration.<br />
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In the name of a game called golf, the mind plays a crucial role. The old sayings said, 90 percent of a round of golf, is played in the mind. Which I can never agree more and argue less. It is so crucial that it takes control of everything. Not just my swing, but my confidence, and definitely my pride.<br />
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So here I am, contemplating on what really happened last weekend. Was it the nerves? That rush of blood to the head? Pounding out, taking control over me and letting me down? Yes, but only in partial. It was the expectations that really killed me. The expectation is always considered by most to be working parallel with confidence. The higher the confidence is, automatically the expectation is sky high and vice versa. I beg to differ. In golf, the opposite is true. The higher the expectation we set in a round of golf, the more pressure we put on ourselves to hit great shots everytime. Which is a great recipe for failure, a cardinal's sin we call it in golf.<br />
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When I put certain expectations in this very first tournament, subconsciously I've put a certain target of score, or a particular level of play to be met during that round of golf. What happened was, when I hit a bad shot, my mind, my pre-frontal cortex ( the CEO of the brain, not the motor system that controls the body and muscles movement) quickly assessed my swing, to find the culprit, more like a fault finding process. And my mind breaks down my swing part by part to find the very mean of faultiness. When I thought that I've got the answer, subsequently I tried to correct it in "the level of my swing", not in the mind. Which resulted in doing more, or overdo, not less. Well, doing more or overly done in golf means disaster. In golf, less is more. As a result, there were worse shots, and I even missed a less than 12 inches putt. Bloody frustrating.<br />
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Why did I put too much pressure on myself? I don't know, maybe with all the preparations I've made, all the time and effort I've poured into, the equipment that I've upgraded, not to mention the apparel and garments that I've tried to match up everytime, I expected myself to put such a performance up to that "standard". But when I get too excited bout it, hence the silly mistakes, I only let myself further down, so low that I couldn't recover up to the last hole. Which is so not me. It felt like I was just started playing, like how I used to be 3 years ago. That showed how devastating it was for me.<br />
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So lesson is learnt. Now, I'm not just going to practice the swing itself, but the mental aspects as well. Recovery from a bad shot is part of the lesson plan :) You know, living in the moment, not in the future, and definitely not in the past. And try not to putt too much unnecessary pressure on myself. For a better score and the hopefully I will enjoy my golf tournament more in the future.<br />
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I know I can do better than how I performed last weekend. With the knowledge, the techniques, the equipment, the drive and with all the time and efforts I've put into, I even can play with a very low score of 88 actually. But I've to take it one step at a time. Next tournament, I better prepare myself not just in the swing perspectives, but in mind department also. Managing my expectations exponentially, maintaining my self confidence, controlling the nervous feeling, that sort of stuffs.<br />
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Golf, oh golf. I wonder, how on earth did I get so immersed into it in the first place?! Immersed and so etched that the game is shaping my personality, bit by bit :)<br />
<br />kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-26627029519100742202012-11-19T16:45:00.001+08:002012-11-19T17:06:06.889+08:00Good Things Come To Those Who WaitPeople said that God work His magic in many forms. He can bless you in many ways. Now I'm bidding on it fully. I do believe in it. No longer just a hearsay. And it is like a wonder when you think you are about to crack out and cramp in, then all of sudden He cheer us with set of good news. Irony.<br />
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Truly. I am so grateful for His blessings and favours bestowed on me. Now my 6 months old daughter, Insyirah is a sister. Last week, we found out that my wife is carrying our second baby. And in conjunction with that, I got an offer with another company. A better offer, a managerial post and finally I'm going to do something I'm naturally comfortable to perform. Sales and marketing. Utilizing my talent. I'm all comfortable meeting new people. Selling ideas, persuading, sharing thoughts and opinions, gathering info. It's all me. It's new to me as I never really do a true marketing job before. But I have a strong feeling that I'm going to do just fine. Naturally.<br />
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And for the second baby, both of us, my wife and I hope that it's going be a boy this time around. We pray for it, we work for it. Towards it. You know, things like, eating more meat, reading Surah Yusof, and so forth. But still, we leave it up to His hands to decide. We will be all happy even if it's another baby girl.<br />
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Therefore, I'm all getting ready and prepared to face these new challenges in my life. New career path, second child coming. Full of joy. Full of good hopes.<br />
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We are working hard to work things out. To get both Insyirah and Nurfirdaus getting transferred here to Kuala Lumpur. I think it is time for us to end this so called weekend husband title thingy. It didn't help and it surely doesn't going to help at all. Obviously. I need to get things sorted out. I need my family to be around me, all the time.<br />
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Good things do not happen for no reason. And good things come to those who wait. With religiously patience. Like what Sam used to nag me. And I am all thankful to Him and Haji Sam for all these. With the right attitude, right mindset, constant doa and tawakkal consistently, InsyaAllah, things will work out the way it should be best. Fingers crossed. Ameen.kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-58152202421236847622012-11-06T16:54:00.001+08:002012-11-06T17:39:02.511+08:00Golf As An Obsession Or A Lifestyle Instead?As clear as the title is, it is an obsession to me now. I am all erratically obsessed in golf nowadays. It's like I am a mad scientist trying so hard to unlock those so called mysteries or secrets of being a good golfer. Every pieces of the swing. The grip, set up, the take away, backswing, downswing, impact and release. Everything. And because of that, I've engaged a professional golf instructor for a month long to sort of like "correct" my swing. Well, I need a reference or I will never improve.<br />
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It is amazing how complicated a golf swing can be. It is not an easy movement of body parts and muscles. In that two seconds, so many muscles and things get stretched and released. It is a complicated set of movements. And after three years of golfing, I have had my ups and downs with my swing. There's a lot things to be comprehended, to juggle during that particular fractions of two seconds.<br />
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And that's the problem. Most amateur golfers out there including me, are so keen on improving our swing mechanics with the mindset of understanding those stuffs as soon as possible. It's like we want to be swinging so good, dead straight and long in one day. Like those pros in the television. Which is impossible. Twice as wrong, I used to think that I will never be as good as them. Which is bloody damn wrong. We can if we quit our job and play golf seriously full time. But then, I have to ask myself again, is it that what I really wanted or should remain as a recreational golfer. The ideal notion is, we shouldn't be thinking of competing them. We should have this objectives, which are, playing at our fullest potential and enjoying the game. Golf like any other things in life, demands dedication and patience. Of course talent, good hand-eye coordination, flexibility and athleticism play a big role in relishing our true potential in becoming a good golfer. But I do believe that good sound fundamentals of the swing bio-mechanics and proper technique and training dictates or should I say accelerates our learning curves in mastering the whole world of golfing. We got to have a good basic before we even start shaping our swing.<br />
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And that's the problem. I never really mastered my basics three years ago when I first started. So I was kind of wandering in the dark, fixing every little problems that I've encountered through out my "golfing career" by myself, or searching through the internet for quick fix tips. And those were not only left the problems unsolved permanently, it developed bad habits, set of compensations, ingrained in my mind that I should be doing this instead of this without knowing the real hard truth or reasoning of the problem itself in the first place. And yes, it created a lot tonnes of other swing problems.<br />
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And now, I've realized that all those problems actually came from a very basic section of the swing. It's not even in the swing yet. It's the grip. I'm barely swinging yet. How irony is that. How on earth a grip can lead to many swing faults, destroying or should I say hindering my development as better golfer? Well, let me deliberately explain this more.<br />
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Firstly, we have to have a correct mindset about golf. Well, I was wrong all these years. Golf is about finesse. Not power. It's about delicacy and subtleness. Meaning, we should never, ever grip the golf club hard. Instead, the more loose we grip, the better chance we have to make that smooth, effortless yet powerful impact on the ball, hence power and long shot. I know, it is hard to believe this. But it is that dead blunt true. The harder you choke the club, the more difficult for you to have full shoulder turn. Your wrists, arms, and shoulder get tensed up, limiting the flexibility, the fluidity in swinging through the ball. Yes, I said, swing through the ball, not hit the ball. I shouldn't be trying to flip the ball, or helping to hit the ball with muscular strength or trying to add more power in lifting or launching the ball up in the air. The club, because of its loft angle, shaft length and flex will deliver the descending blow itself upon impact.<br />
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So, from now on, I am practising swing my club no matter what club it is, be it the big stick the driver or even the shortest flat putter effortlessly, freely, with loosen up wrists, arms and shoulders. Relax, and breath out as I go make the swing. Not to swing so hard like I want to hit and break a wall or something. But the mindset plays a very big part in this. Change is hard. Changing or breaking a bad habit is bloody hard. I'm now instilling the idea or notion that less is more. Loose is power. Tightness is limiting. Grip the club like I'm holding a bird on its neck. I don't want to be responsible in choking a poor bird. I want to make birdies, not killing birds. And this sort of funny mental ingraining is very essential in keeping it intact.<br />
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Number two, the secret that I've overlooked, or blindly not knowing over the years is, a good golf swing is a lower body driven kind of swing. Not the upper body. Certainly not the wrist and arms. True, the arms starts the backswing, coiling for power, in my right hip and glute. But, it's the left hip that starts the down swing, hence the accuracy and effortless power. All those big muscles, not small small muscles. Golf is similar to tennis in some ways but definitely opposite of badminton where it get all wristy.<br />
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Number three, all these years, I've referred or should I say, mimicking those swing I saw in the television week in week out. I was trying to copy the feel of my golf idols, Luke Donald and Ian Poulter with the idea at the back of my mind, that if that works for them, it should work for me too. Well, one thing I've realized this late, golf swing is a unique set of body parts' movements. It may varies from one person to another. Yes, the fundamentals are the same but, it shouldn't be that rigid. There's no such thing as a textbook swing. Every swing is personally tailored for that particular golfer. It all depends on each player's flexibility, athleticism, the potential during that particular period of time, how fast they can grab the whole idea of swinging and of course height and strength.<br />
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What we should be looking for is, the best swing that works for every each of us. The swing that easy for us to do on the course every Sunday, the safest injury free kind of swing and the best part of it, the most effective swing for us during that particular period of time. I'm saying this because, every golfer has a progression in their career as they go along. Those pros, they are not as good as they are now, lets say 3 years back. What I'm trying to say, that swing is fit for me, three years back, and I was all happy. It worked totally fine back then. But we are human, endowed and blessed the capability to adapt and improve ourselves that makes us to keep learning and improving our swing. We are so designed to adapt as we go along and rising up our expectations is a bi-product of learning. What we need to do is keep looking for that middle ground or balance point where it delivers our desirable shot yet not compromising safety and accuracy. I was swinging my 5 iron to reach the 100 meters marker at the range three years ago and now I've reduced it to 9 iron. Better impact position, better ball striking, faster swing speed or many other factors that contributed to that one thing, distance. But again, golf is not all about power and distance. It's a game where smarter people excels. During that time, my expectations were different. A golf round with a hundred over score with more than a dozen balls used was totally fine for me. But not anymore. Now I want to lower down my score and complete 18 holes using only 2 balls at most. Because I'm a normal human being with a brain that capable to learn. And for that reason, my potential also keep increasing from time to time.<br />
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Which is why I love so much about this game. I'm starting to believe that golf isn't just a game. It's a cult, a culture, and even a lifestyle. For me, it's a tool to indicate my self improvement progression over the years. And the best part of it, it incorporated in other parts of my life. I'm more patience, composed, a bit more of a planning kind of person instead of a rushing stuff quickly kind of guy. Golf matures me over the years. Because in golf, every shot counts. And we are all thinking of those shot to make every time. We put an effort to plan and manage the swing. That's the good thing about golf. I'm not saying it doesn't offer any cons or flaws. It does. It is never enough in golf. Every time I hit a perfect shot, I've always want to try to "perfecter" the perfect. I know, as silly as it sounds, but that's the problem about me and something that I have to manage. Being content and less contentious over my already perfect swing :P Because when I want to "perfecting" the already perfect shot, lets say I'm saying to myself I want to hit it further and longer, and there's the point where dozens of problems creep in. When we want to hit longer, our subconscious mind will automatically tell us and our muscles to swing harder which of course, tensed up the muscles and the number one source towards a bad fat hitting the ground first kind of golf swing :(<br />
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I do really hope that I can reach and extend my potential and enjoy my game every weekend as I've already put a lot of time and effort in improving my swing as good as my self personally. Fingers crossed.kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-44724830674534917052012-08-07T16:59:00.001+08:002012-08-07T17:11:33.534+08:00manliness through wisdomI've been very quiet for the past few months. believe me, there's no one else to blame but me. regret to inform you that I'm still very much struggling with my long last antagonist in this very life, my BFF, Mr. Procrastination. sigh~<br />
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but still, I do feel obliged to write and update about..some stuff. despite I feel like there's nothing new, nothing exciting to talk about. this blog was meant for kindness and virtues, a platform for moral and conscience conundrum unfolding. but I do seem like I'm running out of my wisdom, right?</div>
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anyway, Insyirah is three months old and nine days by now. she's getting bigger, heavier and prettier day by day. and smarter too :) and she looks like me too! the hair, the eyes, the eye lashes, her fingers, her ears, the smirks, her feet, everything. she is so me. I like the idea of her looking very much like me. but there's always a little bit of my wife in her. the love. reminds me of many things. </div>
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so what now? I got a good job enough to pay the bills, Insyirah is smart enough to watch cartoons and laughs bout it, soon my wife's going to be transferred here in KL (insyaAllah), my golf game is never been better, my sister is back in herself now, my dad quits his job and grills potatoes for us for dinner, my mom is still my mom and still bake cookies for this coming festive holidays, everything is so perfect right now. </div>
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but me being me, I'm always looking for something else. like there's always something else out there more than this, more to it. like there's no enough to all this. like there's something missing. like a puzzle. a piece of me that still lacking. for me to be better of it. it's like being Bruce Wayne but not Batman the Dark Knight. it's like being just Robin, not Batman. it's like I'm incomplete. I have no idea what it is. but I'm going to find out.</div>
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am I not happy? how can I not be happy with all I've got and for all I am today. it's not an issue of happiness or being grateful for all the blessings that have been smothering me. it's an issue of being what I'm suppose to be. what I am designed for. fulfilling the destiny, the dream, the idea that MCKK has etched on me. being good is never enough. we have to be great. be the gentlemen, the white knight, like what it is written on our coat of arms, fiat sapienta virtus, manliness through wisdom. it's an issue of me being a man, man of many things, that sums one thing. a wise man.</div>
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I think I need to sit back and think about this missing piece of me that remains illusive. I need to contribute more to the others. to the society. to the people. but I don't know the medium or in what form can I contribute mutually best for me and for the others.</div>
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well, it's always hard being me. my patience and inner strength are like iron steel. being plain different is not easy. always pushing myself to be everything, even something that I will never be.<br />
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</div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-91414853342942344912012-06-05T08:37:00.003+08:002013-05-28T12:06:24.785+08:00count your blessingssome people are just ungrateful. they just can not stop complaining. and being angry and dissatisfied.<br />
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sometimes we have to sit back and check that it is not a perfect world. it is wonderful, but not ideal, far from perfection. and we can't have everything we want. but being content is noble and being contentious is evil. for me, being grateful of what we have is just plain vigour, mentally. so noble that it elevates you above others.<br />
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I've learned that all my life, i will never get everything that i wished for. lesson learnt. and I've been taught to be thankful and beholden, yet appreciative towards others. live by that code, that principle. hence, it is just too hard for me if it is not reciprocated.<br />
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but then again, life is like that. the world is not an ideal kind world. never thought being content of this feelings can occur to me. not this early. but the timing can never be this right. patience required and maturity cemented. I'm still well aware of all the blessings, the privilege I've lived on with. and still counting them in and counting on them.kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-79915129107274429772012-05-05T23:05:00.000+08:002012-05-05T23:05:11.479+08:00my vision of lovemy daughter insyirah is almost a week's old today. so many things happened for the past one week and i learned a lot of things too. from the contraction, pre labour, during labour itself, post labour, the breast feeding, post feed burping, woke up multiple times at nights, cleaning and changing the diapers, the registration, visitors, and jaundice.<div>
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yes, i was in the labour room and i witnessed it all. the pain, the sacrifices, the love of a mother giving birth. i couldn't help myself not to weep. it was so painful, that i didn't pass out even though there were blood everywhere. i was so focused on my wife. calming her down. cracked a joke, but it didn't work out. the doctor even used a scissor to cut it a bit to ease the delivery. my god :(</div>
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and i could see her hairs and there she was, the labour room was filled by her cry. her first tears. and what a relief. i went for wudhuk and athan her immediately. and only Him knows how i felt that time. i cried. she stopped crying and looked at me when i athan and exhaled syahdah at the ears. and i could see the vision of love. so pure. so clear. she even tilted her head so that her right ear is closer to my voice. smart girl :)</div>
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she's such a beautiful baby. everybody loves insyirah. my parents, my parents in law, sisters in law, my sister, everybody. i was crying and smiling at the same time. so soft that i couldn't hide my feelings. mixed feelings. wonderful feelings. it's like my testosterone plummeted :P</div>
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after 5 days, her bilirubin level increased to 16.5 and she had to be admitted so that they could put her under UV phototheraphy. i couldn't sleep. worried. but alhamdulillah, after one night the bilirubin level decreased to 12.3 and discharged today. again, another relief of hearts. having and raising a baby is like riding a roller-coaster, taking me to the extremes. one day you are all smiling while changing diapers, and you can be scratching your head worrying why she wouldn't want to feed.</div>
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anyway, in conjunction of kris allen new single, i dedicate this song especially to my girls, my wife and daughter, my vision of love and to my family who helped us a lot for the past one week. what a week it has been. i really like the song. until then, i'm excusing myself to continue my journey deeper into this parenthood world :)</div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-43934861551191478662012-04-27T23:34:00.003+08:002013-05-28T12:06:50.849+08:00insyirah : labour on labour day's evei'm stranded in the bus terminal. sitting alone on one of the benches, waiting for my bus scheduled for another 3 hours. bought the ticket on my second attempt after i was disappointed by the fact there was no ticket for tonight. so much of my gambling for impromptu tickets. maybe because it's going to be a long weekend since the labour day is just around the corner. decided not to go back home, because that would be such a wasted back and forth journey.<br />
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lucky there was a girl wanted to sell her newly bought ticket. it's going to be too late, according to her. she was having the second thoughts perhaps. but it was fate and determination that made our path crossed. i was desperate for the ticket that i was thinking to drive myself back, worse comes to worst. and there was she wanted to reimburse her second thoughts' damage. i need to go back. because my wife is feeling the contraction already. the opening is already three centimetres long. i do not know what does it mean, but i'm guessing that's a red alarm. alarming that the baby is soon to be born, any hours, maybe tonight, perhaps the next day. labour day on labour day, huh?<br />
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i'm going to be a daddy soon. there's something special about the baby. after several times of scan, we yet to know the gender. because everytime scanned, the baby always found "its" way to hide. too shy to let us know and too smart to keep us in ponder. so everybody is assuming it's going to be a girl. the doctors said so, my parents in law, everybody. but i remain true to my intuitions and feelings that it's going to the other gender. i don't know how i know and how to explain but i have a strong feeling that it will a boy. don't know why but my daddy sense tells i'm going to hold my first son in my arms soon.<br />
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but whatever the gender it will be, my wife and i are grateful of His precious gift. as long as he or she is healthy, a boy or a girl will do adequately. and i can tell you what a wonderful feelings that i had for the past few months. watching my wife sleep, struggling with the big tummy. all excited and eager to see the child, to hear her or his first cry into this world. what a feeling!<br />
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i've decided to name her (using her based on the doctors' medical opinion) "insyirah". even if it's a boy, i will still name him the same. i think it's going to be a good name. it means, there will be a bliss after every misery. solace after struggle. taken from the surah al-insyirah, deriving about the prophet and his trouble thoughts after all the sufferings he endured. and He promised the prophet in the surah that he would victor at the end of his jihad and fights, but it demanded patience and high endurance to see it all through.<br />
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i chose the name because it reminds me so much of all that i've been through. after all these years. the heartbreaks, the hardship, my patience, the journey in my life, the love, the tears, the ups and the downs, everything. and i do hope that my child will carry the name and life it through with grace and remain patience until the end of his or her life. i really treasure patience, it's a trait that i've been trying to inculcate within myself, my family and a quality that i seek for or into a person. my sister told me that i'm a guy who can control himself well and be patient even in a stormy situation. composure might not be my best repertoire but i know patience is one of my limited fortes.<br />
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i know it might sounds a little bit girly, but actually it's a unisex name. can be used on both gender. now let's pray that my beloved wife will have a safe labour, fighting with her life to deliver me an infant into this world. i don't think i can call it a living without her. the way she treats me, i can never marry anyone else. hope that everything will go smoothly and good things will come and fall into their places. it is really a blessing from Him, to have this opportunity, this parenthood thingy, these feelings, the every details, the everything. fingers crossed!kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-65461151497798547992012-02-24T00:05:00.012+08:002012-02-24T01:03:17.305+08:00Hands Down<span><span style="font-size: 100%; "><i>I went to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dashboard_Confessional">Dashboard Confessional</a>'s acoustic performance live here in Kuala Lumpur last night. I have always been a huge fan of the band and there's only one word I could possibly utter, awesome!</i></span></span><div style="font-size: 100%; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="font-size: 100%; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><i>Instead of coming as the original 4 piece set up band, they decided to sent their lead vocal only Chris Carrabba. I heard that he's on solo now as the whole band is in their hiatus after they launched their latest album Alter the Ending two or three years ago.</i></span></div><div style="font-size: 100%; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="font-size: 100%; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><i>But it didn't affect him to deliver his best performance even without his band mates. Not at all. I still remember how me and Jojo used to play their songs back in our glorious jamming days about 8 years ago. We love them, their songs, the riffs, the emo lyrics, we wanted to be them. Hahaha. We used to name Chris's band mate as "Afro Guitarist" for John the lead guitar and you'll know why if you look at his hair, "Overexcited Drum" for Mike the drummer as he's always look in his raging mode in most of their videos and "Shy Base" for Scott the basis as he always stepped back from the light hiding from being spotted in their live videos :P</i></span></div><div style="font-size: 100%; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="font-size: 100%; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><i>All in all Chris performed well last night. He rocked it! Man, you should have been there if you are a Dashboard fan. He's really a true emo icon. Super cool! I really enjoyed the show. Me and Jojo were singing along all the way.</i></span></div><div style="font-size: 100%; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span><i><span style="font-size: 100%;">He started with The Good Fight, and we were blown away straight away. He did <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia7ze_GUn-Y&feature=related">As Lovers Go</a>, Saint and Sailor, Again I Go Unnoticed,<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPWvQ-v5hJ0&feature=related"> Don't Wait</a>, Screaming Infidelities, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEO5rAcwlvc&feature=related">Dusk and Summer</a>, the famous Vindicated, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j82FBbgpUy4&ob=av2e">Stolen</a> for the girls to be swept off and sent them off crazy (hahaha), The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most, the latest Belle of Boulevard, some other songs from they different albums and he closed it with my all time </span>favourite, <span style="font-size: 100%;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHWJb06FoIY">Hands Down</a>. Those songs remind me of those days when I used to be so expressive in my feelings towards people that I care. Like what Chris said, it was the best days he ever had. :)</span></i></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><i>And hands down, Chris is such a deep and talented singer song writer in alternative punk and emo rock music fraternity. Probably the best ever is. He's such an inspirational for most teenagers who listened to emo music back in early 2000s, and an influence to many famous bands too. And so do I and Jojo. We formed a band, wanting and longing to be like Dashboard, lol! :P Those were the days. I hope he will come again to Malaysia in his band form. Am sure they will rock it to the ground :)</i></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div><div><span><object width="400" height="300"><i><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="movie" value="http://www.facebook.com/v/10150573858106317"><embed src="http://www.facebook.com/v/10150573858106317" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="400" height="300"></embed></i></object></span></div><div><span><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%; "><i>P/s : I remember I did dedicate this song's lyrics to a girl, because I really like the song and the girl but she snubbed me in cold blood! Maybe she didn't know Hands Down and Dashboard Confessional. She's forgiven anyway :)</i></span></span></div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-15150251281573773042012-02-23T23:42:00.004+08:002012-02-24T00:04:41.657+08:00A Thousand YearsI really like the song by Christina Perri from the recent production in twilight saga franchise, breaking dawn. It's so deep and suits well with the movie. But not for Edward Cullen :P I didn't know it was her song at first and somehow I hate her earlier single Jar of Hearts. I just don't like it.<div>Anyway, so I thought why not try and learn the guitar chords as well. I've posted this in my facebook page to share the chords with others. Go easy on my english and the voice. I know.. :P<br /><br /><span><object width="320" height="180"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="movie" value="http://www.facebook.com/v/10150573767411317"><embed src="http://www.facebook.com/v/10150573767411317" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="320" height="180"></embed></object></span><br /><br /></div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-14322048996656706382012-01-30T13:52:00.004+08:002012-01-30T14:49:00.069+08:00five minutes heavenwhat is it really to be in control? some says you have to give up control in order to gain control? it's a very delicate thing this control thing. it has a broad definition, vast perspectives but that's not i want to talk about today.<div><br /></div><div>i think i did write something about self control or self mastery about two years ago when i was in the self transition towards a better chap, towards the public victory. and today i want to continue write about it. self control. </div><div><br /></div><div>i often look it in the anger management perspective. you know, to hold your tongue from expressing the unnecessary things, things that you might regret saying them, which of course you can't take them back. and that makes it even worse.</div><div><br /></div><div>being angry or having an argument is perfectly normal for a human being. we all have feelings, and since we are so inevitably complicatedly built, we tend to argue. but it is crucial to know the border line, when to stop, to call it off. to take a step back, and think, do we really need to win this? or is it really worth of a fight? and even, why on earth we argue in the first place?</div><div><br /></div><div>self mastery is so deep that it can't be measured. only one knows the extend of his self control. but i like to relate it with maturity, kind of directly. if we can control ourselves against the retaliation hence self humiliation in future endeavours, we are in the right direction towards the higher level of maturity.</div><div><br /></div><div>here i want to share how to control yourself against the constant evil mind chatter that can lead you to do or say something stupid. simple, breathe. deep breathing. take a deep breath, while counting backwards from ten to one in your conscious mind. to make it even better, imagine the shapes of the number you're counting. the more you are drawn into it, the more you are tapped in to your subconscious mind. make sure you breathe via your nose not your mouth. we all born with the endowment of breathing through our nose and directly filling up our lugs. we only breathe through the mouth for massive air intake (if that's a proper way to address it) when we are panic, suffocating or sleepy but that's yawning. and then, once your tummy or your diaphragm to be precise is inflated fully, hold it for one second and then release the air via our nose with the count from one to ten.</div><div><br /></div><div>with extra oxygen being rushed into our systems, there's plenty of benefits that we gain automatically. one, our muscles, joints and flexes are more relaxed. two, our mind is suddenly freed up from negative thoughts, those tiny sinister whispers or evil drives encouraging us to react aggressively, especially when we are in the middle of an argument. three, it will take us somewhere in our mind, somewhere isolated. it's like you are somewhere else, your mind is withdrawn from the rough discussion. your body might still be there, but your mind is completely focussing on something else. what is more fascinating is, that something is nothing. your mind is totally empty. you regain your balance, and focus. i know, as funny as it sounds, but it is a great technique for you to tap in to your subconscious.</div><div><br /></div><div>this is very effective if you want to clear your mind after a rough and tough day at work, the traffic congestions or what not, and let your subconscious mind take you to your five minutes day dreaming. it's so refreshing and breathtaking, hence the process :p and you can recharge your brain to continue whatever you are planning to do onwards. it helps you to develop patience, and self control.</div><div><br /></div><div>i hope it helps. because, it does help me in my golf game and my other daily routine. i was so drawn into my subconscious mind, that i didn't think about anything during my swing, or driving. i just "do" it. it's like brushing your teeth. you woke up in the morning, you never think about how many muscles involved to pick up the brush, how much pressure you put onto the paste so that the right amount of paste coming out and placed onto the brush, how much pressure to put onto your gums and teeth and list goes on. it just happened and it happens everyday without fail. </div><div><br /></div><div>so, use it repetitively and you'll be good at it. you can use it to control your temper or just to access your five minutes ride into your mind heaven :)</div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-76050770062823560732012-01-12T01:10:00.004+08:002012-01-12T01:45:40.810+08:00phases of lifewe can not run from ups and downs. everybody has their own sets of problem. life is hard. nobody said it's going to be easy anyway. it wouldn't be a life if it's too easy. it would be dull and monotone. those ups and downs are like colour swatches of life. <div><br /></div><div>i believe whatever happens, happened for a reason. it's not going to be the end of the world right? these are hard times. phases of life. some people face these kind of problems or should i say difficulties probably later in their life. but i'm just being me, lucky enough to be able to experience this earlier in my life phases.</div><div><br /></div><div>but whatever happens, i have to be patience, remain steadfast of whatever may comes. stand up and head remain high. there are times when i felt that i am all alone in this. surrounded and suffocated. tangled by strings of difficulties. bills to pay, commitments, baby soon to be born, my house for my family for a shelter, bla bla bla.</div><div><br /></div><div>life. funny when it comes to think of it. at one point you were everything, and then some point of your life later, you are close to nothing. from hero to zero. i remember i used to write posts how grateful i was, blessings, i had everything i could have asked for. the love, happiness, stability, maturity, friends, support, respect, even golf. you name it all. i had those.</div><div><br /></div><div>now it seems like i'm all on my knees, helpless. some friends become strangers now. your idea seems to come out wrong in every angle. perhaps it's just me feeling all down. mellowed and withered. but i have to go through these. i know i have to. i know i will. because i want to. suddenly all the positivity kicks in :)</div><div><br /></div><div>now let us pray and cry for His help and guidance. there's no greater help and mercy than Him. i know somehow i'm destined for a greater thing. it's just that i have to endure the current situations and status quo. life. colourful. full of surprises. saturated with sacrifices hence love. if it's not like this, i wouldn't call it a living, and i wouldn't live at all.</div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-9537872640379263792012-01-08T21:27:00.005+08:002012-01-08T21:42:04.930+08:00i could not ask for morei have been listening to old songs..and i come to stumble upon edwin mccain's could not ask for more and i'll be in my old portable hard disk..<div><br /></div><div>so i googled for his live videos and he still not fail to impress me as he did to the same boy 12 years ago :) i learned to play guitar from these songs.</div><div><br /></div><div>so here are the videos, enjoy them :) please do..</div><div><br /></div><div>p/s : the basis can sing too..nioce! :P</div><div><br /></div><div><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ikGGZrwYp70" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe> </div><div><br /></div><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/laU_KCmLYqA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div><br /></div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-46387571702604650462011-12-25T03:58:00.003+08:002011-12-25T04:38:46.520+08:00vril garments by kukubalthere's so many things that i've learned in the recent months. never thought that leaving and quitting my job was a blessing in disguise.<div><br /></div><div>i'm venturing into some other new things. things which alien to me. i'm learning entrepreneurship in depth. i formed my own company. i learned more about the game of business. market share, business model and strategies, pricing and so forth. never knew that i could have explored into these.</div><div><br /></div><div>here are some updates on what i'm doing now. i'm now venturing into my long childhood dream business which is t-shirt business. i've been always a fan of fashion. i'm a shopaholic, not that bad but quite acute for a guy. i used to design and sell t shirts when i was young back in my malay college years. but now i'm doing this quite seriously.</div><div><br /></div><div>some of my friends and relatives laughed at me when i told them i established my own company to sell t shirts. you know, can i make a living selling garments in the streets. but it's okay. i forgive them. i never really care about what people say or what people might think of me anyway. all i want to do is pursue my dreams and do things that i like, things that i love. as long as i'm happy. an answer to my so called early mid life crisis.</div><div><br /></div><div>i've discovered so many business opportunities and factories that offers original equipment or services manufacturer in china. i've made some contacts and friends over there. i've studied about fabrics in depth. i even learned about fabric spun, blending and dye processing from friends in china, bangladesh and pakistan. seriously, there's bunch of new perspectives, a lot to be learned. who have ever thought that an engineer can get himself all drown into clothing business.</div><div><br /></div><div>now, the next stage, the next step. i have the products, readily available. based on my market surveys. now i need business models, like where to sell them, who are my niche markets, what kind of people that i target most, the right price for right people, margins, balance sheet, capital turn over, return of investments, etc.</div><div><br /></div><div>i'll start with the first batch of order. there are 4 of them. roundneck short sleeves t shirts, v neck short sleeves, round neck long sleeves, and v neck long sleeves. there are 5 colors available. the material chosen is 50% polyester 50% cotton blend. they call it CVC polycotton blend in textile industries. i made the designs myself. inspired by several favourite brands like zara, pull and bear, bershka, massimo dutti and etc. i really like inditex grupo, a clothing company from la coruna, spain who owns those brands. and american apparel, a clothing brand from the states who offers cool stuffs too.</div><div><br /></div><div>i'll be launching my brand i.e. vril garments by january 2012, here in the kuala lumpur. inshAllah. we'll see how. will i survive in this rugged and jagged world of street business. the next batch will be women clothing and pique polo as additions to current products.</div><div><br /></div><div>the key is patience. perseverance and keeping the flame burning. i'm really exploring both sides of my brain, using both sides since kukubal maju is a sole proprietary company. i'm all alone. the right side which is very much natural to me in designs, colors, networking with potential customers bla bla bla, while planning, costing, scheduling, risk calculation via the lefty. it's not easy, but this is the path i chose. i have to be patience, as i have a family to feed.</div><div><br /></div><div>work smartly hard, pray and tawakkal. basic recipe for success :)</div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-76402444237598172602011-12-06T04:34:00.003+08:002011-12-06T04:39:22.419+08:00gradually better<div>i've been playing with illustrator quite geeky lately. and i think i'm getting better and better at it. when i said better, i mean way better than i was last year.<div><br /></div><div>here are my latest artworks produced fully using adobe illustrator. i used to created the smart object or shapes in illustrator then exported them into photoshop for further tweaks. but now, i can do it all in illustrator. it's not that hard actually once you figured it out :P</div></div><div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdyjkJ4pPTcfe2l-GCNpgAsjnaxXJWNAKY3BSx27rPT5MymfMvfOlbNj3N6roGS_AD9SABZ9nr9MfRZvh1hDLSlmCFg1FFHs_4zbn7HIZFsLgIZLYcDWckz3zGMo2_iC1RNiJkpWlbqnc/s1600/Icon+Drop.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 246px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdyjkJ4pPTcfe2l-GCNpgAsjnaxXJWNAKY3BSx27rPT5MymfMvfOlbNj3N6roGS_AD9SABZ9nr9MfRZvh1hDLSlmCFg1FFHs_4zbn7HIZFsLgIZLYcDWckz3zGMo2_iC1RNiJkpWlbqnc/s320/Icon+Drop.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5682746474776287634" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4WpquPYtTUkK20LNpszBVfPXYGPbAeiESrgsAYFqXjiKUTxsbsiHjNbiqVbogMkgdvwq23O-HZQC3GRpv-KTCZsCH0f12sX2F6n3uoAvnSYuwTv7stxoEctKY3vbiXCB7Q7WCLSYR2TA/s1600/The-Ninja-Boy.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 257px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4WpquPYtTUkK20LNpszBVfPXYGPbAeiESrgsAYFqXjiKUTxsbsiHjNbiqVbogMkgdvwq23O-HZQC3GRpv-KTCZsCH0f12sX2F6n3uoAvnSYuwTv7stxoEctKY3vbiXCB7Q7WCLSYR2TA/s320/The-Ninja-Boy.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5682746468632544786" /></a>stay tune guys as more cool artworks are coming! oh, i love being just me! :)kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-84406531572185000722011-12-04T03:55:00.005+08:002011-12-04T04:11:46.985+08:00waterfall<div style="text-align: left;">deriving from my previous water drops photography project, i decided to transfer my mesmerizing thoughts of them into an artwork that can be linked with another t-shirt design.</div><div><br /></div><div>hence my new artwork called the waterfall. it is for mcoba weekend t-shirt design. there's a water pipe and a tab just at the back of the west wing with high pressure water coming out from it. we used to bath and do our laundry there since the water pressure was strong enough to cut down the queue or waiting idle time :P we call it the waterfall.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0mTTbG4lIKPFTbF5YW-wCx_JivmKtiSJM-5l7gtFX_HfOHOkbnGQtBAqnRVnN0Fz4KSmIGKGs1hilFc81vIdwV9vjQqVUS5jTpdWZmU2I88IHQNg7gt3YhRhg67H7NA13I-tEL94ri9g/s1600/Waterfall.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0mTTbG4lIKPFTbF5YW-wCx_JivmKtiSJM-5l7gtFX_HfOHOkbnGQtBAqnRVnN0Fz4KSmIGKGs1hilFc81vIdwV9vjQqVUS5jTpdWZmU2I88IHQNg7gt3YhRhg67H7NA13I-tEL94ri9g/s320/Waterfall.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5681994641537376690" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 320px; " /></a></div><div>this is the artwork associated with it. it is not finalized yet. it is roughly finished in terms of the strokes but the colour or sizing of the artwork or the coverage or the font can still be tweaked around for better illustration or ease of public visualisation.</div><div><br /></div><div>all in all, i think i kind of getting better and better with illustrator. things get easier for me now. strokes, expanding paths, creating objects and font editing. i think i can even create my own font in near future. give it a month or two and i'll nail it! so much of the enthusiasm ait? :P</div><div>my career transition consultant told me that i can use or switch between both sides of my brain any time that i want or feel like so. don't know whether that can be beneficial to me in terms of dollars :P i can be very right brainedly different kind of different as i am a natural right brainer anyway. i was born with it but i also picked up the lefty skills along the way in the form of experiences which make me unique. i graduated in engineering after all.</div><div><br /></div><div>that's all for me now folks. i'm out.</div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2537784435856192107.post-78636451559910766752011-11-30T12:45:00.000+08:002011-12-01T00:06:17.950+08:00character of water<div>with all the necessary gadgets plus with the help from my nephew, i finally managed to capture water drops and their behaviour. very interesting indeed. such a simple natural gravity drop obeying the law of nature can be so intriguing.<div><br /></div><div>here are some of the pictures i took.</div><div><br /></div></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu7HZ3K6ybljbre1h4G3fYXnZnFF6Co4uqaSMR0W7ecnSe99yx6M-SAHq0WUBufIoE5-AcaKKcl0HMLwVZOQOZm7Dl5q_EceAPUd7LlBRdN_CSuNUclceSoAp8JCBNazrr8mSEexIBAeU/s1600/_MG_7749.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 261px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu7HZ3K6ybljbre1h4G3fYXnZnFF6Co4uqaSMR0W7ecnSe99yx6M-SAHq0WUBufIoE5-AcaKKcl0HMLwVZOQOZm7Dl5q_EceAPUd7LlBRdN_CSuNUclceSoAp8JCBNazrr8mSEexIBAeU/s320/_MG_7749.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680812501389976850" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVeQ_rTFpVZXTcJN9U3roJh0qcNeUGesZzrW1aOJCmaOgUnB1cOgRKl828F_6CjQF4Lz4GR96kh3vTsMVljFH8VXNYWCyBxe3boc0t5Rc9ueAkcUJ9G9kDU2-G_pXUjvIUiapuNTelpsE/s1600/_MG_7992-2.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 199px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVeQ_rTFpVZXTcJN9U3roJh0qcNeUGesZzrW1aOJCmaOgUnB1cOgRKl828F_6CjQF4Lz4GR96kh3vTsMVljFH8VXNYWCyBxe3boc0t5Rc9ueAkcUJ9G9kDU2-G_pXUjvIUiapuNTelpsE/s320/_MG_7992-2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680812495464089890" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg74bDoW_XSFj-jaDIPfA9V1hUSGKE3kjw8AzmrBYV1Ho6u30E-WUfXSH5C0VAlD5xx2bHWDYZz793wN5kuYrGRcwpRqJcIUBXnOwza4OpOWDVAdni3U0Jg1CuqeIOI9VoJO0aKX88Ejrk/s1600/_MG_7935.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg74bDoW_XSFj-jaDIPfA9V1hUSGKE3kjw8AzmrBYV1Ho6u30E-WUfXSH5C0VAlD5xx2bHWDYZz793wN5kuYrGRcwpRqJcIUBXnOwza4OpOWDVAdni3U0Jg1CuqeIOI9VoJO0aKX88Ejrk/s320/_MG_7935.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680812485280924418" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Lng0DoWbhdouz4Zj2BYwsHzna7Er9YYOQ4Jl_Z2kVw2ZqPtjVK46_BJEovRTlcM6FpUYLNlx-LUevXDwUGtkpM-TwVyvdxFsxfdtp7fvib8cXjXiOA0C2J7I_JPheRjQeZZHFGRmGHw/s1600/_MG_7747.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5Lng0DoWbhdouz4Zj2BYwsHzna7Er9YYOQ4Jl_Z2kVw2ZqPtjVK46_BJEovRTlcM6FpUYLNlx-LUevXDwUGtkpM-TwVyvdxFsxfdtp7fvib8cXjXiOA0C2J7I_JPheRjQeZZHFGRmGHw/s320/_MG_7747.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5679901741503541986" /></a>i used my typical set up, cardboards, tapes, red pebbles from my mom's house decoration, her laundry whitening dye for the blueish purple-ish coloring and towel of course. my room was wet, splashes were everywhere. they gave quite of the character. the splashes the ripples. so many forms and directions. i had fun. really :)<div><br /></div><div>the real challenge was the timing. it was all about timing. but after few tries you'll kinda get the idea. the rhythm. okay, next project will be smoke or light trail project. we'll see. until then, see you when when i see you :P</div>kukubalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06063370675787317467noreply@blogger.com0