Mas Vale Tarde Que Nunca

We all should pick up an additional language or two. It is never too late to learn one. No matter what age are you, what state of being you are, it doesn't matter how busy at work or how caught up you are in the traffic everyday, it is really never too late to learn. I've always believe in the long life learning concept and picking up foreign language has many benefits, more than you know, believe it or not. Of course they are never the short term kind of perks or privileges but be patience, the good things will come, eventually. Did you know that it is scientifically proven that people who are multilingual has far more less chance to get Alzheimer than those who speak single language? 

I've been asked few times by friends and colleagues why do I chose Spanish. Why not French instead, for example. Well, many reasons actually. One of them is, apart from my perpetual quest to be a sophisticated global survivor who is capable to dress well all the time and converse deeply in multi languages (kihkih), Spanish is the third most spoken language in terms of world population, after Mandarin and English. It's actually a close call between Spanish & English. 20 countries in Central & South America have had the language as their official or national language, or most utilised language in business at the very least. Therefore, if I can master it, it means that I've unlocked more than half of the world population. I can travel to almost any country on this earth. 

I've also been asked frequently how do I learn Spanish. I went to class for two months. But it didn't work out that well for me. Why? One, it was once in a week class, on weekend only, and it was only 2 hours class. It was so short to have me etched and immersed in the language. Two, I have a classmate who is always "not synchronized" with my pace, and that resulted my teacher to keep repeating what was covered over and over. So that bored me. To death. Despite her (my classmate was a Russian girl) good looks, I decided not to continue the class. Futhermore, it was quite expensive to me, not justifiable, especially with that kind of pace. Not that I was being too economical bout it, it's just that I wished I could gain more than that.

So now how do I continue? Myriads of way to be honest. But here are the main ones. Here are merely just my own preference. You can mixed them up with yours or scrap them totally. It's a free world where freedom is so expensive. La libertad es cara. Ehem.

First, Duolingo. Si todos de mundo, es Duolingo. Duolingo has been my best friend for the past year or two. It is an application, available in all markets, IOS and Android and even windows shop. And the best part, it's totally free. It's very easy to use, it's fun and it offers many languages. You can choose and learn multiple languages at one particular of time. As long as you have the time and passion for it. They even offer Arabic and Turkish!

The way Duolingo is structured makes it fun and helpful. It is colourful and the lessons are arranged step by step, you need to finish the incumbent layer then you unlock the next layer and so forth. It's like playing games. But in a very foreign and intellectual way of playing. It starts with the very basic until the more complicated grammar lessons such as past participle, subjuntive etc. It also has idioms and romance lessons, just in case you might get sidetracked and your interest gets thinner. And who knows, it might come handy in future. LOL. It also encourages you to repeat the course over and over because that's the only way to train our brain to memorize. Through repetition and endless repetition. To prevent brain decay it says. Since it is available in mobile form, it helps me to learn Spanish whenever and wherever I have the time. Oh and by the way, it also links up your achievement to your LinkedIn account, another feature that might help you in future, career wise.

Two, we all need a dictionary. The basis of a good dictionary is of course, free, unlimited vocabulary or at least almost unlimited, easy to access, mobile, and if possible, offers some example sentences using the word that we looked up. For me, ¡SpanishDict! is by far one of the best interlingo or inter idioma dictionary available in the market. Again, ¡SpanishDict! is also available in all stores for free! Times are hard now, got to be cheap and as thrifty as possible! Lol. I've tried all of them the English-Spanish dictionaries available, but I personally like this one better. It also offers la conjugacion or the conjugation table for every each verb that you search. Learning Spanish is all about mastering the verb conjugations. That's the hardest part. It also has a function where it can give you a daily reminder with word of the day that can be set at any point of time in a day. How's that work any better for you? Una palabra del dia casi a diario, cada mañana!

Three, you need to practice. A lot. It is unfortunate that I've been living in a very orthodox English speaking country where, a foreign language is very foreign to everybody I stumbled upon, generally. So, where can I practice my Spanish? Easy. Es muy facil. Through deep immersion. La inmersión profunda. Spanish songs, Spanish articles, Spanish television series, everything in Spanish. I even had my phone and laptop set in Spanish. What else can I do? If those are not enough, try to read the news in Spanish. My Flipboard are set in Spanish. Watch live stream football with Spanish commentary. Any other possible manner that I can think of. A falta de pan buenas son las tortas. Beggars can't be choosers. We have to make do with whatever presented to us.

Four, get passionate about the cultures. As I already said above, Spanish are the third most spoken language in the world. Those in Central and South America speak Spanish. Except for Brazil where Portuguese is preferred. From Spain to Venezuela, to Cuba el Caribe (the Carribeans), to Guadalajara, Mexico and Argentina! So many things to learn and to see! Even Spain itself is so diverse from north in the Basque Country to south in the Andalucia. Learn to love the songs, the dance, the food. Their telenovela. There are so many things to learn and so many ways to love the cultures, hence so many reasons not to learn the language.

I even have had my own Spanish playlist in my Spotify, full of Spanish songs and my Musixmatch linked to it so that I can listen to my favourite Spanish songs and learn their lyrics there on the go. Reggaeton is fun. Flamenco fusion songs are also fun to start with! 

Five, what happened when you get stuck and your motivation grows weary? Easy, learn another language! Pick something harder. Life is always like that, we tend to appreciate what we had and be in more appreciative mode when we get into troubles. Face it, whether you like it or not. Estas son nuestra realidades! In my case, I simply went for Russian and French. Just to make me feel that Spanish is a lot more easier. Which is the very true case for me. It worked. I somehow regained my motivation to continue.

Six, look for others like you. Other people who are around you and also learning the same language. In my case, I used an app called Meetup. Yes, it is a FREE social media app. I found a group in there for French and Spanish Speakers in Kuala Lumpur. Que interesante! How interesting is that?! To meet people of your "kind". From there, we meet up once in every fortnight, for coffee and chit chat in the two languages. People from various backgrounds and professions. All with one purpose, to practice speaking. Learning a new language is all about communicating. To be able to speak or converse. And hopefully to be fluent. We even have our own Whatsapp groups, one for French speakers, and one for Spanish speakers. In there we shared a lot of information, from Youtube links to articles to the very daily basic conversations of getting to know each other. We have native speakers from Mexico, my friend from Granada, Spain, some ex students who used to study in Spain or France, some got married to native speaker and live in Malaysia, we have Japanese expat but wants to learn Spanish, we got engineers, embassy staffs (from Spanish speaking countries), physiotherapist, language teachers, business man and it is all mixed up. Jumbled but fun! Somos como una ensalada!

Who ever thought learning a new language can be so fun and colourful!

The link shared some insights why Spanish is not so foreign anymore and why it should be first choice when it comes to be second mother tongue. After almost two years of learning Spanish, and few others "foreign languages" like Russian and French, it is safe to say that Spanish is by far, the easiest to master. What you read is what you pronounce. It is like a brother to English. I would say 50 percent of the nouns and verbs are almost the same, if not totally the same. It's just the pronunciation is a bit different since Spanish tongue don't work the same. But you can guess what it is when you read it. At least it is not written in Cyrillic like the Russian! And it offers more cultural benefits than the others. From Barcelona to Chile to Puerto Rico to Panama. That's just my personal tendency to be bias. Or it might just be me being bias. Lol. But whatever it is, it is never too late. Better late than never. Mas vale tarde, que nunca. Hasta la proxima amigos, ciao!

Endless Malarkey

Salam all. I know. It's been ages since I last wrote here. I even forgot that I had a blog. Seriously. And more surprisingly even to myself is, this blog for some ambiguous reasons contains 157 posts already?! My god, was I that vocal? Or was I just being myself? Flooding rants in this very humble page that has a very limited number of readers. I am pretty positive about the statistical analysis of that. Or maybe I was just too self criticised and self analyzing, so rampant in my individualistic notions that I simply had too much to write. And that I can attest too :)

It's been a year plus since my last post. I've been busy. With many things, among all, getting to know myself. I have come to a very delicate state of mind that there is nobody worth knowing unless you know yourself. God and the prophet excluded, of course. To really know what are we really capable of, our limits and to learn to master ourselves. Age is catching up with me, to be honest with you. I've learn recently to tactfully decline to any future endeavours that might put my well being in jeopardy. Be it a strong temptation to buy unnecessary pair of new shoes or an invitation from a friend, unscheduled, for coffee hangout kinda thing, so late that I know I am so going to have a problem adhering to my morning routine the very next day. Unless, it's weekend eve's night, of course. That's different. 

Being routinely disciplined is good for me, and it is exactly what I need to manage myself. And my time. I simply just can't afford to live like that anymore. Going to bed late for example. And being so immersed in my perpetual desire to be a full time professional golfer competing in the European Tour which outside my liking, completely turned me into a complete mad golf scientist, if such thing exists. I spent too much time at the range, countless of hours practising, inviting for a party of bodily malfunctions. And I know my body is not in the agreeable state anymore, with my lower back being the most vocal about it. Too much of anything is never a good thing.

I need to be in control. In a sense that being early, on top of things, being proactive not just in work but it is so extensive that all this being religiously timely applies to my personal life. From paying the bills, the groceries, my grooming, getting my haircut, servicing my car, my financial management etc.

But what is it about good practices without consistency? I'm totally passed that period of identification and self/soul searching, whatever you might want to label it. I'm bloody thirty two and not getting any younger, apparently. Divorced for almost two years, with two kids. It is just not befitting for me to be and act in slack and sluggish. I can't. Can't afford and in my conscience, I won't. 

I think we've already came to the conclusion (in the previous post, at the very least) that divorce is not a good thing and there's indeed no need to dwell on it. But managing the "post-divorced" era is even tougher than I ever imagined. And to a large extent it does, and it does taking its toll on me and my family. Especially the children.

I am not putting any sugar coat on this. I think the children is the most affected ones. I do however, in my usual best, sprightly appear to be well managed, somehow, emotionally and extravagantly extrovert. But the fear is always going to be there. Well, I am recovered. I go out, I golf, I work, I meet people, I talk, a lot, business as usual. But it is that fear, of my children imbalanced and unconventional upbringing that worry me most.

The narrative that's been laid in front of us in recent decades is that money does rule, and unfortunately to a certain extent it does. But money shall not solely define any human being self sustainability and certainly not at the expense of integrity. 2014 was tough year for me. Financially. And institutionally. I was out of job twice. In job transitions I called it. I had to endure a torrid period of time of my life with no savings, fully depending on my parents' pension money (yes, I know, I should have not burden them anymore, but how I wish it was avoidable) and to my deepest shame, I had to borrow some money from my close friends I met at the range (guess, golf buddies are cool after all, isn't?) for legal fees etc since my ex-wife filed summons for custody of our daughter in court. Twice. Which in my rarely issued humble opinion, a true indication of greed and relationship damaging manifesto. 

She is burning bridges. That's all. A self centered move, fully disguised in the name of syariah law, taking advantage of their self proclaimed slight upper hand, only and limited to only in terms of financially. There's no rights or wrongs about the divorce decision, which in my understanding, was mutually agreed and its repercussions are to be embraced. Don't slam on the repercussions now. It's expected and of all people you should have known this since you were the one who asked for it. You can't just dragged the other party to court every time, simply just because you think things should be in certain way, or in certain manners, which are always for me, one sided, to your self benefiting only. Just because you think it is good, good for you or the children, it does not necessarily mean it is going to be good for me. And to my parents. And surprisingly, to our daughter herself. I personally don't think that she would agree with all these so called fights for rights thingy. Too bad she is too young to understand.

Enough with all the bad tones. It is just not me. You know what I've discovered recently too? You can only love yourself much and that much, above all. And self loving is the very basic love principle and loving attitude before any of us has any idea to love any other human being. Love yourself first, then talk bout loving others. Bad tones is "self-love" damaging for me.

Let's talk bout the beautiful things that happened. Oh yes, the travels. First, Melbourne, then London. I am lucky, very lucky to be honest to have such wonderful parents who see travelling as a good thing, and I am very grateful to be given such opportunity to travel with my parents despite all the setbacks. I guess, there's no doubt whatsoever now that their love for my daughter (their one and only granddaughter by the way, for the time being) stand above all. Even higher than all my blunderbusses to date, and I was very well positioned to take advantage of that :-P Yeah, free tickets etc. Who wouldn't want those? Lol.

Melbourne trip was in August last year. It was a cold eye opening trip down south. Melbourne is such well organized especially in their CBD that it is so easy for you to get your way around. Then London was early May this year. We even went to Paris too. We celebrated Insyirah's birthday that day under the Eiffel Tower. She turned 3 that day. Took the train for a quick visit to France. I finally set foot in Europe and even though it was kinda sad that Madrid wasn't included within the itinerary but I was satisfied with the whole trip, as a whole. I learned a lot from the trip. The culture, the vast western civilization, the facilities, how they manage and juggle to balance between preserving nature within the metropolitan compound and infrastructure mega conglomerate. 

I just love walking in the Hyde Park with Insyirah in the morning, with a hot latte in my hands and my mom home cooked sandwich for breakfast, spent time walking from one end to the other, sit by the lake, watching the swans and how my daughter gave them bread crumbs and chasing the squirrels and rabbits around, and passers-by talking to each others at the cafe and above all what I love most, exchanging words with any strangers that I can possibly have the opportunity to utter words with. It was just, self revealing. Talking about just about anything and to be honest, nothing in particular to some British old ladies and tourists in the bus, out of the blue in a foreign country was just fun! Some spontaneity in travel is always fun. Learned that life doesn't have to be stressful and that hard, you know. There's always a good side of anything even after such a bad thing. Yes, we all already know that life is hard, but being gloomy and living in the past just won't take you nowhere. Certainly not to Spain I guess :-P

The only thing that didn't go well with the trips is, Furqan's absence. I have made it clear to myself that the next journey shall have him with us. That's a promise. Here are some pictures from both trip.

Okay, I think it is enough of these endless malarkey. I am going to excuse myself with these wise words from Bil Keane saying that, “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” Till then, appreciate today and the present, be good folks. Cheers.

An Eternal Student

I went to my old office in the twin towers yesterday. It was a good reminiscence of the good old days. It is always good to see old friends and bosses at old work place. Now I'm serving my old colleagues to supply their shortage in case there's any in the hydrocarbon finished products.

I left my previous job earlier this month to join the current one. I'm doing petroleum trading now. It was a tough decision to make, probably one of the hardest one, if there's such one. I really like what I was doing in the previous company. I like the culture, the job descriptions given, I love the liberty of control given, I was free to roam, the trust to make decisions in both commercial deals and market developments. It was fun yet full of life learning. It was the first time I'm doing sales and marketing. I took the giant leap of faith to do something I never done before, something alien to me, some tasks I never trained before, not by design or in formal educational background. But I took the challenge, to leave my comfort zones, believe in my capability and natural talents, which is, being with people.

But love affair don't last. As I was getting good in what I did, learning fast, came offers knocking on my door.   I got two offers. One to be a downstream operational consultant and another one to be a petroleum trader. Both were handsome offers. Double from what I was getting.  So there was I, in dilemma. Between my passion and my responsibility to my loved ones. My soon to be born son is due in July. So this has to be his, meant for my boy. My heir to my throne :) My family deserves a better life. Not to say that what we are having now is bad, but certainly an improved life and house earning will help. Well, money is not everything towards good life balance and happiness but money plays a big role in everything in life nowadays.

It took me sometime to come out with the decision. But good offers usually don't come knocking twice. It was sad to part ways with things that you like to do, especially when you were just about to get started to get better in it. I learned a lot. Tonnes of knowledge gathered. Finally I found something I like. After almost 7 years of professional career in the industry, after years of disappointments and "try and error" downfalls, I found it, the one dream job. And it is safe to say, I was happy, finally. But as we grow older there will come to a point where we have to make a decision against our own willing and put our loved ones first. I've reached to that point where I become less selfish and think more others under my care. Well, that's life.

Here I am now at G Tower, one of the famous stylish office and hotel building occupied by mostly oil and gas companies in the middle of the city. Starting all over again. Learning and learn and learn. I never seem to stop learning. For me, the learning process has no end. The curve is always going to be left open. And I feel like I am an eternal student in this life. I am still yet to seal my very first trade deal. Looking forward to that. I kind of like the culture here. Similar to what I had before but slightly different in some ways. The bosses are nice and ambitious. It is a new company with big aspirations. And I'm going to be a vital part in growing this company to be big. Hopefully.

This morning, as I was in the train to the office, scrolling down through my old music playlists, I stumbled to this song which I first listened 7 years ago. I downloaded it when I about to graduate from the university and I listened to it everyday during my days in the factory. The first job. Time really flies. Seems like it was forever. I've changed so much since then. Physically. I'm fat now. LOL.

So I want to share this song. It's a good song by a band called Nevertheless. About love and lover. It is saying that life must be spent like we are living and dying. Let us live like we are alive, nevertheless we are  dying, soon. Deep :P

Being an emo band star is probably the only thing remains unfulfilled yet. I've been an engineer, an executive, been in aviation operations, did governance for a while, hated it and left for sales, still a graphic artist, in love with photography, then an avid golfer and now trading. But never been a star. Not just quite be able to continue with the band thingy when we left the university.

 I now define myself as a seasoned aviator turned trader. Was a lousy engineer, a retired lover and now venture as a father and trader. But my love to my family will never cease. Enjoy the song and till then, I'm out.

Marketeer : A New Found Glory

It’s been more than a month and a half. I finally got to do sales and marketing. Well guys, stick around and see what I have to say about finally being a marketeer.

From what I've gathered after 7 years in the oil and gas industry, my observations tell me that it’s a task of being perseverance, margins play-around, with the risk being rejected, or easily accepted, like gambling using soft skills, persistent follow up, getting to know people, accommodating different people with different needs, customisation in solutions, timely delivery, bla bla bla. Long list ahead.

I've learned some of those along the way, some I've come across by many means, and some I might not be truly familiar with, but basically I got the whole idea. Well, me being me, with my greatest assets of persuading and being able to see the big pictures, I had my head over my heels when I got the job offer. I knew that I can do it. Like a child riding his very first bicycle, hell I was full of joy. For some reasons, I was very confident and keen on this new adventure of mine, embarking on this thrilling journey of a game called sales! But then again, my over positivity caught me off guard.

Apparently, there's more to it. A lot of things that I didn't know back then. Now we talk bout cold calls, price validity, due diligence, market intelligence, intimacy visits or lunches, and the hardest part is, expanding the market. Sustaining existing customers is essential, don't get me wrong on that, but getting complacent with the current market is just never enough if we want to survive in this rough business. In order to maintain the competitiveness, both in terms of pricing and product availability, there's a lot to consider.

I think I've outdone myself well, for my first month. I've sold 7 units of tote tanks, with more than 150 thousands revenue. Which quite an achievement for a rookie salesman. But I will never rest and take the foot off the gas. It was considered a given sale, from a reoccurring client. I was there at the place at the right time. I need to out stretch myself more. Against the complacency which honestly started to creep in as soon as I got my first two purchase orders.

Nevertheless, what I like most bout doing sales is, meeting people. Oh, how much I thrive it. I'm surprised that I talked bout the product average of less than 5 minutes in the entire meeting. The rest is all about everything. Global. Borderless. We talked about diabetes, football, parenthood, politics and current political scenes, the jews, world economic, travelling, people and places to see, we talk bout dreams, marriage, photography and even golf! Golf topic can be long and very draggy. :) And I like that. Being able to talk about almost everything. It might not be in depth. But suffice enough to keep the interest intact, hence an enquiry for a purchase. And I learned a lot from my clientèle and the people I met everyday. Seems like there's always something new everyday. Something that you never knew you going to get to know. Bloody tongue twisting :P 

Moving on. Anyway, what I love most is, instilling values in people's life, in their daily routine. Which what I do best. Inculcating positive energies for people I met and people around me. Offering solutions to fit their needs, both in terms of professionally and in personal development. Some of the things I do, or I say, might look trivial and irrelevant. But I do and say those in a platform of pure honesty and well being. And I hope this valour and noble traits of mine will continue and never meet their end. For further seems forever.

Life is good so far. I get to travel. A lot. Somehow golf becomes part of the job. My job description is very much in lined with my natural talents. All in all, I am happy, or should I say, much happier now. I'm thrilled to go to work everyday. I go to work early, without any hassle. I never drag myself to work nowadays. Anticipating new challenges everyday. It couldn't be any "perfecter" than this. Yeah, I know, I just made that word up. Lol! :P

In conclusion, this new found glory of mine is overwhelming. I'm all excited. I feel rejuvenated. Feels like I'm alive and young again. I feel relevant in everything I do. For some reasons, I feel like age will never catch me. I am just not going to get old. I level up instead. The excitement kicks start my heart, and it beats again. Breathing youth values deep from my core pinching straight to people's heart. I'm not just a trend setter, I am all a life changer.

Expectations Versus Confidence

Last Saturday was a memorial day for me. For the first time in my golfing career, or my golf life persona, I played in a official golf tournament. It was MCOBA Masters, an annually held golf competition among us, the old boys. Actually, it is not really a competitive kind of tournament. The way we see it, it is more like a social gathering, a get together kind of outing in a golf course where the old ones meet the younger ones, and you know the rest :) It's my first tournament, and probably the most remembered ones for more to come in future endeavours.

But I am not writing about the tournament, the excitement, the networking, the feel and pride being part of the great MCOBA fraternity and such. I'm writing about my thousand and one failure during that particular round of golf. Let us just say, that I didn't have a good round that day. Certainly wasn't playing to my current potential. Well, I hit good drives but my short games were terrible. Duffed, I topped the ball on few occasions, I snapped during my putts, I didn't chip close to the hole like I used to do, and worst, I even shanked my pitch shots. You know, that sorts of silly but costly mistakes. By the time I reach the 9th hole, my score was already up to the target I've set earlier, with another 9 to go. Crazy.

So, what went wrong actually. Definitely I'm not that kind of player. I know I can do way better than that. I even score considerably good in my standard and potential on the same course, in a round of 18, 3 days earlier when I went for a dry run to get me well prepared. Which, makes it more unbearable. The frustration.

In the name of a game called golf, the mind plays a crucial role. The old sayings said, 90 percent of a round of golf, is played in the mind. Which I can never agree more and argue less. It is so crucial that it takes control of everything. Not just my swing, but my confidence, and definitely my pride.

So here I am, contemplating on what really happened last weekend. Was it the nerves? That rush of blood to the head? Pounding out, taking control over me and letting me down? Yes, but only in partial. It was the expectations that really killed me. The expectation is always considered by most to be working parallel with confidence. The higher the confidence is, automatically the expectation is sky high and vice versa. I beg to differ. In golf, the opposite is true. The higher the expectation we set in a round of golf, the more pressure we put on ourselves to hit great shots everytime. Which is a great recipe for failure, a cardinal's sin we call it in golf.

When I put certain expectations in this very first tournament, subconsciously I've put a certain target of score, or a particular level of play to be met during that round of golf. What happened was, when I hit a bad shot, my mind, my pre-frontal cortex ( the CEO of the brain, not the motor system that controls the body and muscles movement) quickly assessed my swing, to find the culprit, more like a fault finding process. And my mind breaks down my swing part by part to find the very mean of faultiness. When I thought that I've got the answer, subsequently I tried to correct it in "the level of my swing", not in the mind. Which resulted in doing more, or overdo, not less. Well, doing more or overly done in golf means disaster. In golf, less is more. As a result, there were worse shots, and I even missed a less than 12 inches putt. Bloody frustrating.

Why did I put too much pressure on myself? I don't know, maybe with all the preparations I've made, all the time and effort I've poured into, the equipment that I've upgraded, not to mention the apparel and garments that I've tried to match up everytime, I expected myself to put such a performance up to that "standard". But when I get too excited bout it, hence the silly mistakes, I only let myself further down, so low that I couldn't recover up to the last hole. Which is so not me. It felt like I was just started playing, like how I used to be 3 years ago. That showed how devastating it was for me.

So lesson is learnt. Now, I'm not just going to practice the swing itself, but the mental aspects as well. Recovery from a bad shot is part of the lesson plan :) You know, living in the moment, not in the future, and definitely not in the past. And try not to putt too much unnecessary pressure on myself. For a better score and the hopefully I will enjoy my golf tournament more in the future.

I know I can do better than how I performed last weekend. With the knowledge, the techniques, the equipment, the drive and with all the time and efforts I've put into, I even can play with a very low score of 88 actually. But I've to take it one step at a time. Next tournament, I better prepare myself not just in the swing perspectives, but in mind department also. Managing my expectations exponentially, maintaining my self confidence, controlling the nervous feeling, that sort of stuffs.

Golf, oh golf. I wonder, how on earth did I get so immersed into it in the first place?! Immersed and so etched that the game is shaping my personality, bit by bit :)

Golf As An Obsession Or A Lifestyle Instead?

As clear as the title is, it is an obsession to me now. I am all erratically obsessed in golf nowadays. It's like I am a mad scientist trying so hard to unlock those so called mysteries or secrets of being a good golfer. Every pieces of the swing. The grip, set up, the take away, backswing, downswing, impact and release. Everything. And because of that, I've engaged a professional golf instructor for a month long to sort of like "correct" my swing. Well, I need a reference or I will never improve.

It is amazing how complicated a golf swing can be. It is not an easy movement of body parts and muscles. In that two seconds, so many muscles and things get stretched and released. It is a complicated set of movements. And after three years of golfing, I have had my ups and downs with my swing. There's a lot things to be comprehended, to juggle during that particular fractions of two seconds.

And that's the problem. Most amateur golfers out there including me, are so keen on improving our swing mechanics with the mindset of understanding those stuffs as soon as possible. It's like we want to be swinging so good, dead straight and long in one day. Like those pros in the television. Which is impossible. Twice as wrong, I used to think that I will never be as good as them. Which is bloody damn wrong. We can if we quit our job and play golf seriously full time. But then, I have to ask myself again, is it that what I really wanted or should remain as a recreational golfer. The ideal notion is, we shouldn't be thinking of competing them. We should have this objectives, which are, playing at our fullest potential and enjoying the game. Golf like any other things in life, demands dedication and patience. Of course talent, good hand-eye coordination, flexibility and athleticism play a big role in relishing our true potential in becoming a good golfer. But I do believe that good sound fundamentals of the swing bio-mechanics and proper technique and training dictates or should I say accelerates our learning curves in mastering the whole world of golfing. We got to have a good basic before we even start shaping our swing.

And that's the problem. I never really mastered my basics three years ago when I first started. So I was kind of wandering in the dark, fixing every little problems that I've encountered through out my "golfing career" by myself, or searching through the internet for quick fix tips. And those were not only left the problems unsolved permanently, it developed bad habits, set of compensations, ingrained in my mind that I should be doing this instead of this without knowing the real hard truth or reasoning of the problem itself in the first place. And yes, it created a lot tonnes of other swing problems.

And now, I've realized that all those problems actually came from a very basic section of the swing. It's not even in the swing yet. It's the grip. I'm barely swinging yet. How irony is that. How on earth a grip can lead to many swing faults, destroying or should I say hindering my development as better golfer? Well, let me deliberately explain this more.

Firstly, we have to have a correct mindset about golf. Well, I was wrong all these years. Golf is about finesse. Not power. It's about delicacy and subtleness. Meaning, we should never, ever grip the golf club hard. Instead, the more loose we grip, the better chance we have to make that smooth, effortless yet powerful impact on the ball, hence power and long shot. I know, it is hard to believe this. But it is that dead blunt true. The harder you choke the club, the more difficult for you to have full shoulder turn. Your wrists, arms, and shoulder get tensed up, limiting the flexibility, the fluidity in swinging through the ball. Yes, I said, swing through the ball, not hit the ball. I shouldn't be trying to flip the ball, or helping to hit the ball with muscular strength or trying to add more power in lifting or launching the ball up in the air. The club, because of its loft angle, shaft length and flex will deliver the descending blow itself upon impact.

So, from now on, I am practising swing my club no matter what club it is, be it the big stick the driver or even the shortest flat putter effortlessly, freely, with loosen up wrists, arms and shoulders. Relax, and breath out as I go make the swing. Not to swing so hard like I want to hit and break a wall or something. But the mindset plays a very big part in this. Change is hard. Changing or breaking a bad habit is bloody hard. I'm now instilling the idea or notion that less is more. Loose is power. Tightness is limiting. Grip the club like I'm holding a bird on its neck. I don't want to be responsible in choking a poor bird. I want to make birdies, not killing birds. And this sort of funny mental ingraining is very essential in keeping it intact.

Number two, the secret that I've overlooked, or blindly not knowing over the years is, a good golf swing is a lower body driven kind of swing. Not the upper body. Certainly not the wrist and arms. True, the arms starts the backswing, coiling for power, in my right hip and glute. But, it's the left hip that starts the down swing, hence the accuracy and effortless power. All those big muscles, not small small muscles. Golf is similar to tennis in some ways but definitely opposite of badminton where it get all wristy.

Number three, all these years, I've referred or should I say, mimicking those swing I saw in the television week in week out. I was trying to copy the feel of my golf idols, Luke Donald and Ian Poulter with the idea at the back of my mind, that if that works for them, it should work for me too. Well, one thing I've realized this late, golf swing is a unique set of body parts' movements. It may varies from one person to another. Yes, the fundamentals are the same but, it shouldn't be that rigid. There's no such thing as a textbook swing. Every swing is personally tailored for that particular golfer. It all depends on each player's flexibility, athleticism, the potential during that particular period of time, how fast they can grab the whole idea of swinging and of course height and strength.

What we should be looking for is, the best swing that works for every each of us. The swing that easy for us to do on the course every Sunday, the safest injury free kind of swing and the best part of it, the most effective swing for us during that particular period of time. I'm saying this because, every golfer has a progression in their career as they go along. Those pros, they are not as good as they are now, lets say 3 years back. What I'm trying to say, that swing is fit for me, three years back, and I was all happy. It worked totally fine back then. But we are human, endowed and blessed the capability to adapt and improve ourselves that makes us to keep learning and improving our swing. We are so designed to adapt as we go along and rising up our expectations is a bi-product of learning. What we need to do is keep looking for that middle ground or balance point where it delivers our desirable shot yet not compromising safety and accuracy. I was swinging my 5 iron to reach the 100 meters marker at the range three years ago and now I've reduced it to 9 iron. Better impact position, better ball striking, faster swing speed or many other factors that contributed to that one thing, distance. But again, golf is not all about power and distance. It's a game where smarter people excels. During that time, my expectations were different. A golf round with a hundred over score with more than a dozen balls used was totally fine for me. But not anymore. Now I want to lower down my score and complete 18 holes using only 2 balls at most. Because I'm a normal human being with a brain that capable to learn. And for that reason, my potential also keep increasing from time to time.

Which is why I love so much about this game. I'm starting to believe that golf isn't just a game. It's a cult, a culture, and even a lifestyle. For me, it's a tool to indicate my self improvement progression over the years. And the best part of it, it incorporated in other parts of my life. I'm more patience, composed, a bit more of a planning kind of person instead of a rushing stuff quickly kind of guy. Golf matures me over the years. Because in golf, every shot counts. And we are all thinking of those shot to make every time. We put an effort to plan and manage the swing. That's the good thing about golf. I'm not saying it doesn't offer any cons or flaws. It does. It is never enough in golf. Every time I hit a perfect shot, I've always want to try to "perfecter" the perfect. I know, as silly as it sounds, but that's the problem about me and something that I have to manage. Being content and less contentious over my already perfect swing :P Because when I want to "perfecting" the already perfect shot, lets say I'm saying to myself I want to hit it further and longer, and there's the point where dozens of problems creep in. When we want to hit longer, our subconscious mind will automatically tell us and our muscles to swing harder which of course, tensed up the muscles and the number one source towards a bad fat hitting the ground first kind of golf swing :(

I do really hope that I can reach and extend my potential and enjoy my game every weekend as I've already put a lot of time and effort in improving my swing as good as my self personally. Fingers crossed.

Hands Down

I went to Dashboard Confessional's acoustic performance live here in Kuala Lumpur last night. I have always been a huge fan of the band and there's only one word I could possibly utter, awesome!

Instead of coming as the original 4 piece set up band, they decided to sent their lead vocal only Chris Carrabba. I heard that he's on solo now as the whole band is in their hiatus after they launched their latest album Alter the Ending two or three years ago.

But it didn't affect him to deliver his best performance even without his band mates. Not at all. I still remember how me and Jojo used to play their songs back in our glorious jamming days about 8 years ago. We love them, their songs, the riffs, the emo lyrics, we wanted to be them. Hahaha. We used to name Chris's band mate as "Afro Guitarist" for John the lead guitar and you'll know why if you look at his hair, "Overexcited Drum" for Mike the drummer as he's always look in his raging mode in most of their videos and "Shy Base" for Scott the basis as he always stepped back from the light hiding from being spotted in their live videos :P

All in all Chris performed well last night. He rocked it! Man, you should have been there if you are a Dashboard fan. He's really a true emo icon. Super cool! I really enjoyed the show. Me and Jojo were singing along all the way.

He started with The Good Fight, and we were blown away straight away. He did As Lovers Go, Saint and Sailor, Again I Go Unnoticed, Don't Wait, Screaming Infidelities, Dusk and Summer, the famous Vindicated, Stolen for the girls to be swept off and sent them off crazy (hahaha), The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most, the latest Belle of Boulevard, some other songs from they different albums and he closed it with my all time favourite, Hands Down. Those songs remind me of those days when I used to be so expressive in my feelings towards people that I care. Like what Chris said, it was the best days he ever had. :)

And hands down, Chris is such a deep and talented singer song writer in alternative punk and emo rock music fraternity. Probably the best ever is. He's such an inspirational for most teenagers who listened to emo music back in early 2000s, and an influence to many famous bands too. And so do I and Jojo. We formed a band, wanting and longing to be like Dashboard, lol! :P Those were the days. I hope he will come again to Malaysia in his band form. Am sure they will rock it to the ground :)

P/s : I remember I did dedicate this song's lyrics to a girl, because I really like the song and the girl but she snubbed me in cold blood! Maybe she didn't know Hands Down and Dashboard Confessional. She's forgiven anyway :)

A Thousand Years

I really like the song by Christina Perri from the recent production in twilight saga franchise, breaking dawn. It's so deep and suits well with the movie. But not for Edward Cullen :P I didn't know it was her song at first and somehow I hate her earlier single Jar of Hearts. I just don't like it.

Anyway, so I thought why not try and learn the guitar chords as well. I've posted this in my facebook page to share the chords with others. Go easy on my english and the voice. I know.. :P

five minutes heaven

what is it really to be in control? some says you have to give up control in order to gain control? it's a very delicate thing this control thing. it has a broad definition, vast perspectives but that's not i want to talk about today.

i think i did write something about self control or self mastery about two years ago when i was in the self transition towards a better chap, towards the public victory. and today i want to continue write about it. self control.

i often look it in the anger management perspective. you know, to hold your tongue from expressing the unnecessary things, things that you might regret saying them, which of course you can't take them back. and that makes it even worse.

being angry or having an argument is perfectly normal for a human being. we all have feelings, and since we are so inevitably complicatedly built, we tend to argue. but it is crucial to know the border line, when to stop, to call it off. to take a step back, and think, do we really need to win this? or is it really worth of a fight? and even, why on earth we argue in the first place?

self mastery is so deep that it can't be measured. only one knows the extend of his self control. but i like to relate it with maturity, kind of directly. if we can control ourselves against the retaliation hence self humiliation in future endeavours, we are in the right direction towards the higher level of maturity.

here i want to share how to control yourself against the constant evil mind chatter that can lead you to do or say something stupid. simple, breathe. deep breathing. take a deep breath, while counting backwards from ten to one in your conscious mind. to make it even better, imagine the shapes of the number you're counting. the more you are drawn into it, the more you are tapped in to your subconscious mind. make sure you breathe via your nose not your mouth. we all born with the endowment of breathing through our nose and directly filling up our lugs. we only breathe through the mouth for massive air intake (if that's a proper way to address it) when we are panic, suffocating or sleepy but that's yawning. and then, once your tummy or your diaphragm to be precise is inflated fully, hold it for one second and then release the air via our nose with the count from one to ten.

with extra oxygen being rushed into our systems, there's plenty of benefits that we gain automatically. one, our muscles, joints and flexes are more relaxed. two, our mind is suddenly freed up from negative thoughts, those tiny sinister whispers or evil drives encouraging us to react aggressively, especially when we are in the middle of an argument. three, it will take us somewhere in our mind, somewhere isolated. it's like you are somewhere else, your mind is withdrawn from the rough discussion. your body might still be there, but your mind is completely focussing on something else. what is more fascinating is, that something is nothing. your mind is totally empty. you regain your balance, and focus. i know, as funny as it sounds, but it is a great technique for you to tap in to your subconscious.

this is very effective if you want to clear your mind after a rough and tough day at work, the traffic congestions or what not, and let your subconscious mind take you to your five minutes day dreaming. it's so refreshing and breathtaking, hence the process :p and you can recharge your brain to continue whatever you are planning to do onwards. it helps you to develop patience, and self control.

i hope it helps. because, it does help me in my golf game and my other daily routine. i was so drawn into my subconscious mind, that i didn't think about anything during my swing, or driving. i just "do" it. it's like brushing your teeth. you woke up in the morning, you never think about how many muscles involved to pick up the brush, how much pressure you put onto the paste so that the right amount of paste coming out and placed onto the brush, how much pressure to put onto your gums and teeth and list goes on. it just happened and it happens everyday without fail.

so, use it repetitively and you'll be good at it. you can use it to control your temper or just to access your five minutes ride into your mind heaven :)

vril garments by kukubal

there's so many things that i've learned in the recent months. never thought that leaving and quitting my job was a blessing in disguise.

i'm venturing into some other new things. things which alien to me. i'm learning entrepreneurship in depth. i formed my own company. i learned more about the game of business. market share, business model and strategies, pricing and so forth. never knew that i could have explored into these.

here are some updates on what i'm doing now. i'm now venturing into my long childhood dream business which is t-shirt business. i've been always a fan of fashion. i'm a shopaholic, not that bad but quite acute for a guy. i used to design and sell t shirts when i was young back in my malay college years. but now i'm doing this quite seriously.

some of my friends and relatives laughed at me when i told them i established my own company to sell t shirts. you know, can i make a living selling garments in the streets. but it's okay. i forgive them. i never really care about what people say or what people might think of me anyway. all i want to do is pursue my dreams and do things that i like, things that i love. as long as i'm happy. an answer to my so called early mid life crisis.

i've discovered so many business opportunities and factories that offers original equipment or services manufacturer in china. i've made some contacts and friends over there. i've studied about fabrics in depth. i even learned about fabric spun, blending and dye processing from friends in china, bangladesh and pakistan. seriously, there's bunch of new perspectives, a lot to be learned. who have ever thought that an engineer can get himself all drown into clothing business.

now, the next stage, the next step. i have the products, readily available. based on my market surveys. now i need business models, like where to sell them, who are my niche markets, what kind of people that i target most, the right price for right people, margins, balance sheet, capital turn over, return of investments, etc.

i'll start with the first batch of order. there are 4 of them. roundneck short sleeves t shirts, v neck short sleeves, round neck long sleeves, and v neck long sleeves. there are 5 colors available. the material chosen is 50% polyester 50% cotton blend. they call it CVC polycotton blend in textile industries. i made the designs myself. inspired by several favourite brands like zara, pull and bear, bershka, massimo dutti and etc. i really like inditex grupo, a clothing company from la coruna, spain who owns those brands. and american apparel, a clothing brand from the states who offers cool stuffs too.

i'll be launching my brand i.e. vril garments by january 2012, here in the kuala lumpur. inshAllah. we'll see how. will i survive in this rugged and jagged world of street business. the next batch will be women clothing and pique polo as additions to current products.

the key is patience. perseverance and keeping the flame burning. i'm really exploring both sides of my brain, using both sides since kukubal maju is a sole proprietary company. i'm all alone. the right side which is very much natural to me in designs, colors, networking with potential customers bla bla bla, while planning, costing, scheduling, risk calculation via the lefty. it's not easy, but this is the path i chose. i have to be patience, as i have a family to feed.

work smartly hard, pray and tawakkal. basic recipe for success :)

gradually better

i've been playing with illustrator quite geeky lately. and i think i'm getting better and better at it. when i said better, i mean way better than i was last year.

here are my latest artworks produced fully using adobe illustrator. i used to created the smart object or shapes in illustrator then exported them into photoshop for further tweaks. but now, i can do it all in illustrator. it's not that hard actually once you figured it out :P

stay tune guys as more cool artworks are coming! oh, i love being just me! :)

waterfall

deriving from my previous water drops photography project, i decided to transfer my mesmerizing thoughts of them into an artwork that can be linked with another t-shirt design.

hence my new artwork called the waterfall. it is for mcoba weekend t-shirt design. there's a water pipe and a tab just at the back of the west wing with high pressure water coming out from it. we used to bath and do our laundry there since the water pressure was strong enough to cut down the queue or waiting idle time :P we call it the waterfall.

this is the artwork associated with it. it is not finalized yet. it is roughly finished in terms of the strokes but the colour or sizing of the artwork or the coverage or the font can still be tweaked around for better illustration or ease of public visualisation.

all in all, i think i kind of getting better and better with illustrator. things get easier for me now. strokes, expanding paths, creating objects and font editing. i think i can even create my own font in near future. give it a month or two and i'll nail it! so much of the enthusiasm ait? :P

my career transition consultant told me that i can use or switch between both sides of my brain any time that i want or feel like so. don't know whether that can be beneficial to me in terms of dollars :P i can be very right brainedly different kind of different as i am a natural right brainer anyway. i was born with it but i also picked up the lefty skills along the way in the form of experiences which make me unique. i graduated in engineering after all.

that's all for me now folks. i'm out.

character of water

with all the necessary gadgets plus with the help from my nephew, i finally managed to capture water drops and their behaviour. very interesting indeed. such a simple natural gravity drop obeying the law of nature can be so intriguing.

here are some of the pictures i took.

i used my typical set up, cardboards, tapes, red pebbles from my mom's house decoration, her laundry whitening dye for the blueish purple-ish coloring and towel of course. my room was wet, splashes were everywhere. they gave quite of the character. the splashes the ripples. so many forms and directions. i had fun. really :)

the real challenge was the timing. it was all about timing. but after few tries you'll kinda get the idea. the rhythm. okay, next project will be smoke or light trail project. we'll see. until then, see you when when i see you :P

more logos

kukubal maju enterprise comprises of few sections under it. part of it are the raster or photography and vector graphics sections. hence, more artstuffs, more artworks :)

this time i've created logos for both kukubal's photography and kukubal's artstuff. both logos will be embedded on all pictures or vector graphics soon to be published for a better security against web theft. i need to make them copyrighted or right reserved. sort of.

i call the artstuff logo for graphics, the "slanting swirls" and "shutter logo" for its photography compatriot. there might be some improvements in near future i warn you as these are finalized yet.

i might print these as a business card or poster or something.

anyway, you are more than welcomed to chip in and give some comments. thanks in advance.

logo designing

remember when i told you in previous post that i wasn't in a rush to come out with a logo for kukubal maju? well, i lied :P i couldn't resist myself from working on it intensively.

so here is my first design proposal. i call it the "cool tree" logo. it represents me as a whole. why tree? well, i've always like to link trees with human character. the roots are the characters or values. the branches are the behaviours portrayed. in order to have good or balanced living we need strong roots. something like that.

the sort of like creeping up branches are symbolic to the word rising or getting better or growing. suitable for the word "maju" which means success in malay.

furthermore, here is the improved version of 1905 from the previous post. this is to be printed on yellow t-shirt for the pavillioners or those old boys from mohd shah house. i've improved the edges on both the end of number one and five to give it more balanced kinda look. i've also moved the since wording to the upper left corner to give it a more meaningful "since 1905" wording chronology.

more designs coming. stay tuned! :)

kukubal maju enterprise

i have decided to pursue my long life passion in graphic arts. and my new project is to set up my own t-shirt printing company. i have registered an official company under my name. kukubal maju enterprise. it's a sole proprietorship company and it has a current account opened under its name :)

why maju? it's a good word for success in malay and hopefully will be a constant prayer everytime people mention it. i know it might sounds like a retail shop. but i have my own reasons for it :P

my first design will be for next year's MCOBA weekend celebration. usually some old boys will come and set up booths to sell merchandise. this time around i think i want to participate by selling my own t-shirts or maybe some other form of merchandises.

here is my first design. i will come out with more designs, probably another 3 or 4 of them.

the artwork is called "since 1905". the malay college was formed by a group of malay rulers back in the 1905 with the help from some british academicians, hence the name. school of kings and leaders :P

i'm still in the midst of designing my company's logo. trying to come out with something catchy, something worth remembering yet simple, so simple that people will straightly know that it's me just in a glance. very personalized and institutionalized. and i'm not in a rush for this. hope i can be successful in this. doing something that i love. always have :)

shrunken world

i bought a new lens. i had always wanted to learn how to capture small and tiny living things. so i decided to buy myself a macro lens. i didn't buy the original canon made lens but i bought a tamron 90mm f2.8 macro 1:1 instead. much much cheaper but it offers almost the same performance as other lens within its specifications.the lens can take portraits too. so it's like two in one kinda lens.

the next morning, i woke up early and went out to my mom's small garden within our porch in search for any insects to be photographed. so here are some of my captures. my début photos in macro. i think i kinda fell in love with macro photography already :) it's like zooming and shrinking myself into their world. their tiny world. reminds me of the lame movie (it wasn't that lame back in the 90's) honey i shrunk the kids. lol!

p/s : for better resolution, click on both pictures for a better viewing. or you can go to my flickr page. thanks in advance! :)

faster

i've been listening to matt nathanson's new single entitled faster. i really really like the song. it's fun, the beat, the melody and the lyrics. they combined really well. reminds me of his previous hit called come on get higher. i think he writes good melodies. and he sings well too!

anyway, i've been practising the guitar and try to sing it simultaneously. it's quite hard actually, especially to hit the right notes plus maintaining the groove :) maybe one day, i'll post it here, when i'm ready. of course. i don't want to embarrass myself in front of the whole world. definitely not here :P

here's a video clip of matt singing it live. he rocks, does he? :) what a fun song to sing!

convocation

i went to my baby sister's convocation yesterday. my mission was to take pictures, and to be there for the family. rarely for me :)

despite the blessing to be with family, occasion and the fun, somehow i could say it ended with tragedy. blame on the landscape, i fashionably, recklessly jumped and tripped myself by heavy landing on my both knees, to save my camera from breaking. what's with Malaysia's universities and hilly terrain landscapes!?

i hurt myself quite badly, torn pants on both knees, my shades dented, my camera scratched, nasty cuts everywhere, bleeding like hell, and list went on and on.

i guess, that's the price for being lazy to follow along the provided walkway. i could have done better. seriously. but lesson learnt.

anyway here are some of the picture i took.

my dad. with artificial noise (grainy effect) added to give more drama of a proud father in his smile :)

my mom. first class kiss from first class graduate.

and another blow on my aunt's cheek! she's a kisser, didn't she?! :)

singing birds

look at how far rozio's angry birds have come. from a 2D games to merchandise to a complete irresistible thing in the society now. it's like everybody is playing angry birds via mobile phones nowadays.

so i've decided to come out with my own version of angry birds. sort of. i thought why not start a new vector project in illustrator. but for me being angry is not good. so i decided to name them singing birds instead. i think they are not angry anymore, right? hihi.

so here are the artworks completed for the time being via my newly installed adobe illustrator and photoshop cs5. enjoy! :) maybe one day i'll commercialize my singing birds into merchandises like t-shirts and mugs of myself :P