paradigm and change

i once wrote about paradigm shift. last year i think. paradigm is how we see things. how we see the world for example. is it through who we are or via how it is actually? now allow me elaborate deeper on this.

the world revolves around it's own axis. round and round. and everything in it moves too, along with the world's movement. day and night. the water's streams. seasons whether its summer or winter. the moon. the temperature, the icebergs' movement, mating or nomadic patterns for the bird flocks. whatever. and for sure the world does not swing according to anything inside it. except for His plan and wisdom. and it doesn't change through out the time. it's fixed. the only time that it will change its course is when He says enough is enough, it's dooms day, and it's already too late for anything. i just can't imagine if the earth changes its rotation from time to time. then it will be a disaster. this country will be having four seasons and it's snowing before you know it and then back to tropical over and over again. the north pole is having a summer of 42 degrees C and then back to the convention cold. it's tsunami, el nino, la nina, it might be an el nini and how many other els or las before you know it. how fatiguing is that?

God created this world with a fixed system for a reason. and yet nothing is permanent in this world. everything changes. that's how ironically beautiful the world is.

same goes to us. we have to change all the time but our paradigm should be fixed. to the correct and realistic course of it. we have to understand, in this life, over until the end of time that the world does not revolve around us. nor anything in it. it is we, who are subject for change, consistently. that's the truth. we can not just assume and say that we are like this or like that, and everybody has to follow us just the way we want them to be. we can't expect everybody has to accommodate us everytime. we can't expect us to be in one state forever and any other things which matter to us to adjust themselves in pursuit to suit to our needs. and the very cruel fact of life is, we just can't expect everybody or the world in bigger extend, to understand us. we adults are not toddlers. infants, they asked their parents or someone older to accommodate to their needs or requests. and they are allowed to use tantrums as a medium of persuasion.

but remind you readers, we are not toddlers. not anymore. at least. if you are, you won't be reading this in the very first place.

the world does not have the time to be around us. it is us whom are responsible to run at its pace in order for survival. the success story plots behind the pace, whether it is a strive, a jog or walking tempo or a crawl. you choose. i choose. we pick. if we decide to be reluctant to catch up, we will be left behind and be extincted in self created exodus like the dinosaurs. we have to be matured enough to comprehend that it is our responsibility to our-self and our survival. this is a community world full of societies and their complexity. and constant change is a must. an individual war against complacency.

talking about paradigm, is always related to change and its component, its agent. but i rather write about it another post. i like john kotter's writings in his award winning management book entitled "our iceberg is melting?!". it's about change and it's a serious essential. but before i leave, let's us sit back and think, self check, do we really see the world as it is, as a ever-changing world or we are still viewing it via a narrow perspective, behind our toddler bed's bars?

hierarchy of associates

deriving from the previous post, i'm bound to chalk this out of my mind. last night pyan taught me some insights. that there are few separate mental level of friends in our life. and this can only accessed in our mind.

there are normal friends. there are colleagues at the office. school mates. acquaintances at the gym, at the guitar or piano lesson classes. friends of friends. passerby. and these people reside at the bottom of the long list, and ongoing. the trivial many we call it. they don’t deserve much from me. but, there are, few seats at the helm of the list. where loyal friends stand out. true souls who really understand me. faithful friends who define me and vice versa. someone is capable to compromise as quoted by manao/mache last night, those couldn't afford to see me undone. a brother or a sister like, not blood or genetically related but would rather hurt themselves to even save me from myself. this so called limited vital few are to be maintained. at some point, i begin to settle just for a fixed number as in the seats don't grow. at this age, i pick my bffs. i don't do random anymore. we all go for the selective mode. because, they have to work for it. they did efforts to prove themselves. that they are worth for all my loyalty. it took years for some of them to earn it, to earn me. stood by hand in hand steadfast in all weather. because they know how true i can be to my trusty friends.

sad but true, those seats now filled for years by boys mostly. not many girls can make it to that extend. there were few lucky ones, be able to bring the best out of me, fortunate enough to see the real me, blessed enough to live in my world full of undivided exclusive affections. just propitious enough to feel it. but good things don't last. nothing is permanent. and that's why there's a word called "memory" in the vocabulary. initially i thought that they can maintain their spots. but they screwed up after all the love and warmth i gave to them. i forgive and had them forgiven though, don't get me wrong. who am i not to forgive and not to have mercy.

but there they remained, lay flat at the bottom, to climb up all over again. because sometimes "sorry" is just not enough. because the damage has been done. for me, hurting people intentionally is like driving a nail into the wall. but when you remove the nail, the mark stays as an orifice. you have to work extra to fill in the hole back. depending on the depth. you can't expect a simple sorry can make things better and be the same as it was before. i mean it because you meant it when you did those.

i am a life changer. i affect other people's life. i influence. and i privatize conscience. yes. i am deep. i used to think that people will learn from me as much as i wanted to learn from others. but now i'm done with nagging and sharing what's right or what is wrong. if they want the best from me, they have to earn it. i'm in no mood to drag passive passengers anymore. i don't have time for those anymore, not at this age. avoiding or ignoring those stagnant and complacent people is one of the selective methods in my friendship's chain of command. shut them down since there were patterns of failure reoccurred as they are so contented with who they are and proud to be who they are. i tried, believe me, don't say i didn't care.

i will not yield and i've retired from compromise. i am adamant in this.

will the search be continued? well, that's a difficult one. i do not know. nor i comprehend it. but the pray continues because i still believe in it. that one day, she will pop out of nowhere, bringing me the light, the glow, the illumination and for once to chart me up for the ending of all my sufferings. amin.

pride devours

i personally think that seeking feedback from others on how we've progressed is good. a good practice, definitely a good thing. it might be a necessity, at times, depending on the situation, different circumstances. we need others to assess us sometimes, to give the check and balance. so that we know that we are doing the right thing.

you see, conscience alone is not enough. we need others in this life. why? because we are not perfect, not even close to perfection, if there's such thing as one. being independent is good, a true characteristic of maturity. but extreme independence becomes negative. we don't want to be too independent like an island, don't we? isolated, disconnected and helpless.

actually, interdependency is an act of another maturity level. way beyond the private victory, against extreme self esteem, pride and self indulgence. i'm not saying that self esteem is not good. we have to maintain a certain level of self believe and confidence. but in this life, the very best thing is balance.

being able to listen and paying attention, observing others are few attributes towards the public victory. the ultimate winning. but listening alone is just inadequate. we need to be opened, unoffensive, not defensive and less complacent, mature enough to accept people's opinion and feedback. listen first and then assess the information. accept, and appreciate the differences. the differences are beautiful. just because we are different, distinguished from each other, it doesn't mean that one of us is wrong. it's just up to us, whether we want to learn from each other or not.

pride and complacency are two lethal unnoticed carcinogenic virus in people. people sit back and embrace themselves due to their ignorance. and those can consume us eventually. if we can't manage these, we are going backwards and nowhere. stagnant and worst, people will loose hope on us, and desert us.

we, human, we are homo sapient not homonus nocturnas. we are not vampires. we are all inherently good people, nice, living by the principles. but ego mismanagement and ignorance ruined it all for us, for centuries. era by era, civilization after civilization. thus, let's pray that we stay on the right course, always. amin.

keeping promises

as promised, 1st of july, the rejuvenation day. i revamped my blog layout. apparently there were slight changes to the initial idea of retrofitting.

the earlier idea was to put teal as my background but unfortunately kinka, it didn't fit with page nicely and the color was too vibrant, overwhelming the rest and made it very difficult to read.

so i changed the main color, matched it with the main "volatile+redundant" header. those two words are best in defining me. in my writing world. hence the new theme.

so, keep on reading or visiting. and seriously i'd appreciate comments. in english, infallibly. my mandarin is not that sharp. mind me :P

beautiful football for a football romantica

barcelona and spain's playmaker xavi hernandez said that football should be attractive and easy on the eye, pleasant for the eyes to see. i totally agree with him. all my life i only know how to play, watch and support that kind of football. at least i tried my best to.

it makes it double satisfying when your team play beautifully and winning. i don't understand and i can't imagine how does it feel to play with all those so called modern efficient football tactics, to play ultra defensively and rely just on counter attacks. for me, winning a football match is to conquer the ball possessions, creating chances and of course, scoring outstanding goals. not scramble in front of the goal post kind of finishing. if you know what i mean.

both previous world cup finalists are out already from the competition. i guess, in the end, teams who play nicely individual and as a team will prevail. let's hope for the best, competitive games and high scoring matches!

i am a true madridistas

i have been supporting real madrid club de futbol since i was fifteen when raul was still with his boyish short haircut. when hierro and fernando redondo were still around. real was just another second seeded club during that time when they won the champions league back in '98.

i have seen their ups and downs, but i never left them unsupported as my heart is already carved with an embroidery and it says "real madrid". only girls and real madrid had made me cried. i cried last year when barcelona trashed real 6-2 at the santiago bernabeu, real's own castle.

now it is all different when real are opted as the richest club in the whole planet with star studded line up in the likes of kaka, cristiano ronaldo and karim benzema. now, real madrid or informally known as "los merengues or the whites for their famous white strips or "los blancos" in spanish are tipped by sports pundits across the globe as the new galactic or "los nouvous galacticos" after the end of zidane, figo, beckham and ronaldo era.

last week, real again failed to see themselves advance to the last eight phase when they drew at home to olympique lyonnais, a french club. another disappointing champions league night. for 6 consecutive years, real failed to pass the last sixteen phase, the first knockout round.

what actually went wrong? they spend 260 million euros in total during last summer when they landed kaka, xabi alonso, cristiano ronaldo, karim benzema, raul albiol and others. they were so excited about the new project, and so do i. i was so desperate to see my club to clinch the treble title especially the champions league since their last win back in 2002 when zidane brought glasgow into haywire when he volleyed home the winner. i still remember that night. with the amount of money spent for the summer transfer fees, somehow the whole family put themselves in an immense pressure, burdens on their shoulder.

i don't want to recap and dwell what went wrong in the previous years. i want to specifically discuss what went wrong in their last match against lyon. as everybody know, xabi alonso the holding midfielder cum deep lying playmaker was suspended for that match. instead of replacing with similar kind of player, for example, fernando gago, manuel pellegrini the manager lined up jose maria guti and esteban granero in the middle of the park. so it was 3 of them in midfield, guti, granero and lassana diarra. guti and granero are similar kind of players. they have similar attacking mentality, more like a passer rather than to win the ball.

so it was only diarra alone in midfield to win the ball. that was the biggest mistake before the match was even started. with that, it was easy for lyon to dominate the possession the game when their have a larger percentage of ball possessions through out the match. when you fail to control the middle park of the pitch, it is simply as you are losing the game. this is somehow similar to what happened last year's match against juventus, and losing to arsenal somewhere in 2005, i think.

other than that, gonzalo higuain (my favorite star after aging raul has lost his touch) had a bad game. he was selfish in few occasions. he should have pass the ball to ronaldo who was in a better position to score. he simply blew up the chances and let the team down. but the real culprit that caused the team to lose the match was, the individuality plays. they were not playing as a team. everybody were so busy to prove their price tag. especially during the second half as they failed to response to lyon tactical reshuffled after the break which was, to cut the ball supply to the fowards by holding guti and granero down. simple but effective. they let lyon played their game as they wanted to like what they did in the previous leg three weeks ago in lyon.

but true football supporter backs his club no matter what condition the club goes. indeed, real madrid is having bad streaks in champions league. i have seen worst than this. like we didn't win anything in a season. bad times, frictions in the dressing room, speculations, you name it. but that's normal in football. people critics when you play badly and you don't perform. but as time progresses, real will prevail. i know it. patience to all madridistas out there. we still have la liga left to compete and to win. we will bring the trophies back in our estadio santiago bernabeu's gala room. next year. but i guess, money can't buy a team, a success, a legacy. ain't it dandy?

hala madrid~

acceptance is essential

do you agree with me if i say all a boy wants from his girl is acceptance? to accept him just the way he is. to trust him and to give the approval he needs in order for him to continue loving. i think that is just normal for a man. we mere mortals with testosterone require so called the encouragement to be able to open up and give the love that our partner need. you see, love or the acts of love are reciprocal. it 's never a one way street. we need stimulus. we all do.

why suddenly come and discuss about this? i myself have no idea. hehe. but i have been thinking. this recent weeks had been a lil bit quiet and it's kind of empty lately. it was good though, it gave me the space to allow myself to sit back and think. think about many things. i guess, there is where the acceptance thing came. lol.

i think we all have to agree on men and women are just different. we are. the way we think, how we cope with our emotional stresses, the way we communicate, how we process info and many other areas in life. to talk about problems and share with friends is an act of friendship or love for the girls. but we men, we don't just simply talk about our problems. we like to withdraw ourself from other things and focus on what's bothering us. sometimes we can be a bit too occupied with it and forget about our other responsibilities, namely giving attention to the loved ones. because, for guys, it's all about the male ego thing. solving a problem is what we do. as leaders, we need to take care of ourselves first before we can even take a good care of others. we thrive on solutions and the ability to solve problem and learn from it. it's like a race for us and it is all about competency. while for the girls, it's the other way around. they like to nurture each other.

that's why men are so into cool gadgets (they meant to solve problems or improve the efficiency on doing things), sports, fast cars, bikes etc. and when we find the solution for our problem and solved it, we go out from our cave and ready to love again. sometimes if we can't find the solution and get stuck, we like to divert our minds from it and do something else, like a sedative, to calm us down. for example reading newspaper or playing video games or even sleep helps a lot. but girls they just can't stop pestering. they need to let it out and torture us with their perspective. they don't get it when men don't want to talk about it and share with them. the more difficult the problem is, the more withdrawn men can be. we will ask your opinion if we want and only when we want to. girls always accused or misinterpret us for being insensitive and lack of love when we don't want to talk about what's bothering us. it's not that we don't want to, we just don't think it is necessary while we still can top it ourselves.

i understand that women find peace and relief through talking. girls, they need assurance. constantly and consistently. to know that they have people around them who care for them. that's why girls ask rhetorical questions over and over again. for us men, one time is just as good as enough. when we tell you that we care about you, means we do care about you. haha. men are simple. we don't dwell on small trivial things. instead we focus on the big chunk, the vital few. i think that's why we normally don't pay that much attention on dates, anniversaries or birthdays.

while girls need caring, boys need trust. oh, you have no idea how much trust means to us. the accepting attitude shows that you trust us. that's why we men normally not comfortable when a girl criticise us and trying too hard to change us. it's not that we don't appreciate your effort to change us as a gesture of love but all we need is you to trust and support us that we will grow and change by ourselves, gradually, eventually. we need girls to accept us just the way we are. i like my partner to have that kind of attitude. it hurts when a girl criticise us for being childish and trying to change our behavior. for us, those show that you don't trust us and you guys think there's something wrong with us. sometimes it is true that we lack on certain things, but it's the way you express or say it make it hard for us to digest. we tend to feel like you think we are broken and your gesture of changing us is an act of fixing us, a broken thing. i think that's why men normally resist change or go defensive on this.

sharing or talking about problems keep girls sane while playing games or sports keep us men sane. talking about past mistakes and previous relationships may be a big topic for you to talk or should i say "gossip" with your friends. but apparently, is a big turn off for guys. you see, when you keep asking about our past, errors, previous relationships - it somehow gives us the sign that you are not accepting us, the way we are, the whole bundle, the package. normally guys don't get comfortable with that while you think you are being caring and all, asking questions.

when you want us to listen to you when you are upset on certain things especially those things that have something to do with us like things we did or we haven't done yet (compared to your friends' boyfriends, hehe), it hurts when you express it in such ways especially when it sounded like you were blaming us. i know it is almost impossible for us to stop you guys from getting all emotional and no to talk about what is making you upset but sometimes there are things you should learn to keep it to yourself or try to calm down and be rational. then we can talk about what bothering you. men easily get angry or hurt during sustaining this very difficult task of listening. boys usually tend to go defensive when a girl nag about her problems and accuse him this and this for things which isn't even true at all or it was just the girl dealing with her dilemma or something like that :)

i understand feelings are essential for girls. true, they always want to express their feelings. whatever it is burning inside them. anger, frustration, sadness, worry etc. but coping with all you worrywarts is just not pleasant at all. it's difficult when you keep questioning about the same thing over and over again. i think it's kind of normal for a guy to be worn out from this, after sometime. deep inside in every guy there's a knight in shinning armor who is in loved with his princess. but if the princess keep telling him what to do, what he shouldn't do, what he should have done, nagging him the "other" way of doing things, over and over again - eventually the knight grows tired and forget to shine his armor and to sharpen his sword and stop caring. that's the metaphor how exhausting it can be for a boy, coping with his girl's emotional stress.

finally, encouragement is also significant for men. we all need our partner to keep supporting us in everything we do, every decision we make, everything we care for. admiration is also an encouraging attitude that men normally look for in a girl. for me, to admire means to trust and approve that i can do my very best and again to trust that i'm capable of taking care of my girl. it is just how things work for us.

my advice, try to look at the brighter side of us. see the good things. what we have done and sacrificed for you rather than what we have not done yet. try to comprehend that there's nobody perfect in this world and we all make mistakes. and furthermore, you guys are not so perfect after all. full of flaws. our differences or we being different from each other is a beautiful thing actually that created by God. He wants us to learn about and learn from each other and keep loving each other.

okay, now i'm tired of writing. i want to sleep and forget that i've ever wrote this. man, i'm so bored. sigh~

lights at the end of the tunnel

there you go. my new blog layout for the year of 2010. i know it is a bit too early to have this blog page revamped. but then, it's never wrong to be a few steps ahead of everyone, don't we? crazyh retrofitting is my business. just what i want, what you need.

last year was derived by the preceding year which pretty much telling stories about truth, the violence and gore from truths, trust and change mechanism. we are just around the corner to end and send 2009 to it's brink and welcome 2010, a new life, fresh breath of air. indeed. next year's stories will be all about disney's happy ending kinda stories, lights, colors and happiness. God said that after every each tragedy will come goodness and lesson to learn. after each and every one despair, comes joy, evolution and rejuvenation.

am i star? perhaps not. maybe it's too much to consider myself as one. but i like to think that way. to endure and instill the positive thinking habit. positive, positive and positive. resilient. 2009 was a year of learning, comprehending the good habits. 2010 is a year of practice. a year of living the habits. for the better. sharpen the saw. we are all humans, mortals, not vampires, not werewolves. we are not that strong to sustain in a straight course. we can't shift shapes and we don't posses the ability to accentuate accelerated healing like vampires. we all sometimes strayed and astray. we need to be shepherded back to the values and principles. conscience, self control, self awareness. right or wrong. what is best for us. some says it's not always about right or wrong every time. true. compromise or being wise is something that i would relate to humility and being grounded. which is exactly what i want to be.

this year is not an exception to misery, despair, challenges, hard times. whatever you want to name them. oh yes, i've gone through them, swallowed in agony, learned openly and recovered not timely but it was enough to make a living out of it. there's no need to elaborate on them. thanks to those who helped me went through every each obstacles and pitfalls. thousand gratitudes. couldn't have done without you and yous. your love made me stronger.

so, now, let us bid farewell to gloomy tears, long faces, wasted days and just say hi to the lights. the town holds no more to see, the same faces portray no more to be, and lets not rub the wounds with salt, shall we. move on. get it on.

this year i want to introduce brighter colors. lively. positive vibes emission kinda colors. bright colors, cheerful. pink is always nice. purplish red is nice too. but the stains are always gona be there. somethings are meant to be buried and left unsaid. some people, they are trained to be defensive. they like to justify and clarify. it's like they really really need to say, to express it all. and it hurts. it is not that i am trying to be absolved from the responsibility of facing and learning from the truth but, i just don't quite understand it when some people find excuses for their decisions made. they made life changing decisions, they told the whole world that those were baked after days in the oven and suddenly they tend to use other parties' past, nightmares or weaknesses to justify. why? for me, if you have drawn the line, which segregate between black and white, and kills the grey, you should have own it, own your words like it is your life you're holding onto. when the roof caved in and the truth came out, don't whine. drop your defensive mechanism and stop being selfish.

well, i think i've said it all for a starter. not bad for an appetizer. a teaser, preferably. so, do enjoy the new blog layout, and keep reading. you might learn something from it. shit happens but love happens too.ditto!

career or the personality?

helo love. same old same old. i've been reading a couple of books recently. one of them is called the "personality plus" by Florence Littauer. a bit old school one but it will do good to you if you read it. it derives on the four quadrants of human temperaments. detailed and can be applied to anyone. the book tells me that i am a "popular sanguine" type of person. and a little bit of "powerful cholerics" blend to it. this is a natural blend of an extrovert, the optimist. sanguine is the talker (which is soo me..i can't even stop talking longer than 5 minutes, and i always feel like it is my duty to fill in the gaps in any conversation) and cholerics is the achiever. sanguine is the "always a child" type and cholerics is the "you have to do it my way, NOW!" type.

the other two temperaments fully elaborated in the book are the "perfect melancholy" and "peaceful phlegmatics". these two types of character project the introvert attitude of people. melancholy is the perfectionist and the phlegmatic always calm and thrives for peace.

nevertheless, i am not going to describe the details of those four temperaments here. i am being absolved from it so that you guys can read it yourselves. it is a very effective book to get to know your character, who you really are, your strengths and weaknesses, what went wrong went you have arguements with other people in your daily environments (seriously), how to identify what kind of temperament a people falls into and so forth. here i want to share my recent dilemma.

in my previous post, the "ifs, buts and maybes", i have once wrote about a complaint that i received from my superior. that i am lacking in sense of maturity, whether it is how i carry myself or in my attitudes, behaviors and paradigms. and things are getting worse, worsen and worsen day by day. as i somehow irritates him, unintentionally and unconsciously - by my way of doings and some of my thoughts and comments. so i tried to relate back what actually went wrong back then. is it me whom all the blames to carry on or he played some part or a role, where he himself just can't get along with me, professionally.

he keep saying mean things, urging me to grow up, making fun of me and accusing me being resistant to change and step into the real world of responsibilities. actually, to be honest some of his words were harsh and rude. but i can take them on my chin. at least, eventhough not in the first attempts. i tried to relate back to my readings. and i found out and convinced that he is a "perfect melancholy". he sets high standards and he just can't stand people like me. we annoy him, in such way that we don't even realize it. i used to believe in him, trusted him that he meant well- trying to develop me. but then, now, slowly i begin to doubt his attention and his methods.

those words just hurt me. it is not that i don't want to grow up. i am growing up. to achieve myself the independence in physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. now all i do just getting on his nerves and pissing him off. all i say seem just don't work out anymore. not for him, at least. he easily misunderstood and got me wrong. and it is getting worrying for me. how am i going to survive in the organization if it stays like this?

but on the contrary, my professional ethics and proactivity say "don't give up". so i did talked to few of my friends in the organization. there are some similarities in their thoughts thrown out. saying that i have to train myself not to do things which annoy the boss. to accommodate him. to compensate my huge so called differences between us. i have to carry myself as what he wants. no compromise. serious, focus and no more goofing around. less talk (which is the hardest part, i think) and sacrificing the "just be myself" theory in me. i always believe that my character is my gifted strengths. an endowment that provides me the ability to adapt and communicate with different level of people. but now, that doesn't seem to work out anymore, isn't it?

so the dilemma now is, to chose to go all out with the character transformation for the sake of my career progression or stick to the ultimate me so that i am always comfortable with who i am and work my way up with whatever it is that i have now. sighs~

i'm now applying the "15 seconds rule", counting 1 to 15 whenever i feel like talking so that i have the ample time to think whether it is necessary to open up my mouth or not. hahaha. funny but i feel like it is a necessity now. i feel like shit when i didn't say what i had in my boggling mind. but slowly, i begin to see that it is ok to not fill in those conversation gaps. it is fine that i don't get to be the center stage anymore. it is cool that i don't get to be the life of the party or the meeting anymore. it's okay..it's hard but it is for the best.

one of the words he said which hurt me most sounded like this, " we feel the bitterness in you. that's part of growing up resistance syndrome. go find yourself a pacifier. we cool?". ouch! no, we are SO not cool..damn!

past baggages and humility

past baggages and humility. recently an old friend of mine mailed me and from there we had a decent chat. and out of nowhere, she gave me a tap on the forehead kinda thought. an advice actually.

she was urging me to let go all of my past baggages, stop hurting along the way and go for humility. "wow!", i replied. i didn't expect such remarks from her. not from a girl. it's been years since we last talked. hehe..but it didn't matter. i can take open criticism on me. PETRONAS has spent thousands ringgit to train me, to digest and swallow blunt thoughts from the poeple, environment and etc. hahaha.

nevertheless, i did denied it initially. of course. sorry. maybe i was shocked. i was complacent. now i know that i have to be guard against complacency.

i have been thinking. from what she said. it was like kind of an eye opener, mind boggler. the very big question mark is, am i a boasting character?

let's hear from you guys. throw in your thoughts and what you want to say. i am all opened. please. till then, i bid you very well bye bye, sealed with kiss and thank you, miss..haha