Saturday, 22 August 2009

being hypocrite or just ideal me?

last week, i went for a course arranged by the human resources entitled personal and interpersonal breakthrough facilitated by Dr. Sher Kawi, a famous psychologist in the nation. it was a good workshop as he used "personality plus" as one of his tools to conduct the class. i got excited as soon as i was handed over the personality test. guess what? i am all totally sanguine with the highest scores that no one ever recorded before..36/40! such dominant.

long story short, there were few conclusions made out of the three days stay in Pullman Putrajaya.
one, the company is not interested in the whole idea of being real me. they want the ideal me. the professional who behaves accordingly in true professionalism. meaning, i have to scrap the whole idea of being consistent, carrying the sanguine manner all the time. i have to adjust depending on the situation that i am in for. different hats for different roles that i am playing. its going to be a bit weary.

two, the ideal me means i have to be a hypocrite. just like one of them. you know, being submissive and buy each and every idea they sell. i have to sell my soul. i hate it but just to remind me and my conscience, i am doing this for the sake of surviving in the company. if i don't do this, another m3 will guarantee my exit. i'm like a race rat in this messy business of mine.

three, this whole professionalism thing is about managing perceptions and expectations. not so much of being wise, mature or smart. if you want to excel in the business, you ought to play your cards well enough, stay out of troubles and maintain your good reputation. one does not have to be very smart or very likable to go all the way up but, you just have to know where and when to strike. laymen term for it, be an opportunist..

now that i'm getting to understand the game and their games, there's one thing that concern me most. can i top the whole spectrum of this hypocrisy game?? let's just play along and go with the flow for the time being. but until when? only god knows what is the best for me and for all of us.

as far as i am concerned, they can force me to be whatever they want but i am not going to change entirely, giving up my true personality, character, my wit, my perspectives, and intelligence. one day, i will wipe out all this ass kissing culture and prove that this very odd witty geek can also be a good leader to change the whole world..insha'Allah.