different

me and faqroul were having our own acoustic session last night at his crib just to fill in our independence eve night. what a drab night. cold and so not patriotic of us to just sing and playing guitars, indoor :P anyway, he mentioned this song, and i was like. shot. why not? let's sing this :)

why? what's with the grin? hehe. here are some brief narration behind the song and how it began. lol.

i used to drive all the way from penang to kuala lumpur back and forth. every single weekend, without fail. back in my penang airport days. used to sing this song in the car while i was stuck in the traffic just exactly at the middle of the connecting bridge from the island to the main land. it was my official friday's afternoon song to sing. among others, obviously :)

this is a very meaningful song to me. used to and always have. when i was trying so hard, working too bad, to be different as i was still searching for the meaning of all this. was in a rush of blood to the head, in a quest of who am i truly. people change and i've changed significantly. and funny that i didn't notice it until i heard this song again.

what a way to reminisce memories stored slight to the left side of my cerebellum. what a song to remember. and what a tool to call the past, the part of this anatomy which i left long gone.

all in all, enjoy it, as it has been to me.

valiant pride

there's no valiance in being proud. learn to let go. ego is just another sublime version of our audacity. submit to your majestic so called self esteem, or self defined boldness, whatever you might call it, then you have just submitted application for a downfall.

i'm writing this from a humbled seat, from set of misfortune experiences how pride and ignorance (two eccentric traits which until now i found myself strangled to find the chemical reactions between those two) had me flattened far from flattered. punished over things that i thought derived me best, that i unwilling to let go, which i was so comfortable with. complacency again complacent. lesson is learnt.

if it's not being resharpened, even a chainsaw can't cut through a paper. same goes with us, we need to be reminded, retrained, and to be awaken.

so open your eyes and wake up, knock knock. who's there?

shrug off your shoulder and lift the chin version of you?

or, another transformed person with the right palm on the left side of the chest and head's down?

it's your call. listen to your heart beat and write your own story.

poem : guilty pleasure

the sky has lost its color, and the sun turns grey. at least that's how it feels to me. whenever you're away.

the fragrances are now odor, and oh those drab days. at least that's how i feel when i am no longer me. which coincides with your presence's sway.

i crawled up in the corner. to count the minutes pass. each one brings me closer to, the time you're coming back.i can't take the distance, i couldn't stand the miles. just in an instance, the thoughts erased the smiles.

but i see the lights now. i always do. i pray now for the end of the coo. sounds of despair from creeping in. killing all i ever believing in.

these mellow traits just don't have me operated. instead, it derives me as stagnant, and segmented. thus i need my palette of colors back. just don't leave me asphyxiated in the sack..

for you to notice

i'm starting to fashion an idea in my head where i would impress you with every single word i said. would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming. and you'd want to call me. and i would be there every time you'd need me as i'd be there every time. but for now i'll look so longingly waiting. for you to want me, for you to need me. for you to notice me.

but life just won't go according to our plan. we plan, we make the effort and we pray but He decides.

i'm not mad at you. nor i'd be hurt of the fact that you don't want me as i want you to be. but the attitude and mentality that you portrayed just too inadequate for me. i just couldn't believe that you exhaled it. that you'd be the first to leave to avoid unnecessary conflict. that you are too fun not to ruin your day with what's bothering me. man, that surely hurts. and what would make me then? perhaps just a conflict, a burden to you. i still hope you didn't make those such statements sandwiched with pure intention.

i don't know about you, but i personally think i do deserved some empathy at least, from someone who regards herself as my friend. when i need a friend. and the fact that you are too proud not to call me until now speaks for itself. shame.

well, there's nothing i can do to change that. believe me i tried. to inculcate. it's just that i think it would be best for me to be the first one to avoid any forms of unnecessary selfishness :(

which knot did you tie?

almost always pick the best time to drop the worst line, almost make me cry again this time, another false alarm, red flashing light, i got choke during my dine. said them intentionally and you felt fine.

but i'll be just fine, pretending i am not, apart from lonely, and it's all i've got. i've been trying to have your words sorted, but i found it a hassle due to all those knots, so i thought, leave them unraveled i rather not. because the truth is so mean like the time flies, abducting my youth.

you see, knots are not chords. they don't rhyme. they are not synchronized. no beat no lyrics no melody. it's like a plague with no remedy. full of symptoms but no direct cause, whatsoever. and i do believe the symptoms will be prolonged, propelling towards greater course, forever. but this is no comedy. not a charity, definitely infallibly not funny. all empty, halt and vacuum.

i like kris allen's the truth. honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now. have been singing and playing the guitar over the song lately. unwillingly liking it. my mind tumbling, my heart crumpling, my hands trembling as my mouth mumbling. too bad, three sad. sigh~

p/s: those pictures do not imply any correlation with my mumblings above.

faster the better

pray for haste recovery against the existence of a fair-weather friend. knowing it alone stabs my heart.

thrice is a stranger

i'm only going to ask you once. hesitance is a sign of procrastination for me. and surely procrastination is a theft of time. and i always work with time line. timeliness is essential to me. and there's a time line for this and for anything. you can't just drag things long. too long till further seems forever. i don't have forever for everything, for anyone, to notice. and i don't dwell too long on the past. it ain't going to change anything. we have to be responsible in everything we do, all the decisions we made. we learn from the past not be haunt and be slaved by memories. we mourn then we move on. i am a memory master, i rekindle but i'll try not to get burnt like a candle. i like to do right things right, first time. for me, we have to be grateful of all what we had and what we have, and learn to appreciate things what's in front of us because we will never know what's important to us until it's gone. so that we have to do it one time, once. yes, i am a forgiving character, merciful soul. once and twice are twin brothers. but thrice is a stranger. and we are not getting any younger. i bounced back normally, but too much of it can make us sick, and if i decide it to call it off, then it will be a turn off, permanently and definitely not a mozoltov. for once, in an instance, let's do it right. sincerity fades. and so does my faith and my smile. but the hate, it stains.

there's always second time for everything

i was moved with faqroul's writing about bangkok and our second trip to the city last month. i didn't get a chance to write about it, even though it's almost a month already since we got back. but there's no harm in a belated post right? :)

i think i am left with nothing to say since faqroul aka john wrote everything nicely. last two years, manao, pyan, john and JT when to bangkok and we fell in love with the town ever since. but sadly, manao and pyan couldn't join us for this year's trip. but we have yam and ben to accompany us.

for me and john, it was like an homecoming. we stayed at khao san, again. nothing much changed except that our nana inn last time has been demolished and we have to find our ways for different accommodation. still, cheap and comfortable. clean room with air conditioned and hot shower, for 25 ringgit per day. man..surely was a good bargain.

shopping? as usual, it was a frenzy. chatuchak never fails to drive us haywire. and for the second time, me and john got lost in the weekend market. it was so big, and cramp. indie stuffs calling here and there. we went there on both days. and still mambungkrong, the air-conditioned version of chatuchak after that. and my leg hurt badly after two days of walking. too much shopping can hurt. seriously.

small store tailors are everywhere in bangkok. in khao san itself, countless tailors shops. i made 1 corduroy suit, 4 pants and 3 shirt for one thousand ringgit. really really cool stuffs i made this time.

this time around we had a diversion through out our stay in thailand. we went to pattaya and stay at the beach for a night there. again, never disappointing. never knew they have pattaya hollywood club, same as the bangkok's but smaller. one word to describe about the club, awesome.

well, i've promised myself not to elaborate more initially but now i think i've just gone overboard. enough. you have to go there and experience it yourselves. and i'm not shy to book myself a return flight ticket to bangkok again, in near future. but first thing first, spain trip must be materialized. i'm saving to go spain, to fulfill my boyhood dream. i know i can do this. alone or with a group? i don't care, i'll go alone if i have to. till then, JT's out~

the way you are

i've been searching for bruno mars' new hit single just the way you are piano or keyboard tabs. i'm so into keyboard now.. here's the song's lyrics. for you. i like you just the way you are, despite all those nagging and psychological sessions. i need not to elaborate more, the song speaks nicely for me :P enjoy~

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are..

fallen

it's like i've been pulled downwards. it's so easy like the gravity. reasonless. need no explanation yet so demanding. ah, let's not go that far, i'd say. it ain't deep. it's just another lame version of an avalanche.

lalalala.

wishful thinking

i was just wondering. sitting alone in my office's room in the middle of the night. taking a break from graphs and charts and data. ya, it's kind of spooky knowing that i am all alone on the whole floor. my operators are downstairs. i think. assuming one or two of them are watching astro in the crew room. or, they might even not in the premise. standing by at the apron waiting for transmile cargo aircraft to be refueled.

i am trying to conduct two studies. one, to convince the management that i need a bigger storage tank for my aviation gasoline or also better known as avgas. two, to convince the management that i need optimum 3 persons per shift for my 24 hours operation. that's the reason why am i still in the office this late.

when i'm all alone, it usually gets to me, to think. of many things. so i was wondering what it is like if i have a family now. a wife, cooked the dinner, waiting at the dining table for me to return so that we can have dinner together. sigh, wishful thinking. and again, reality check kills the dream, taking the breath of me. exhaled. frustrated. no surprise there.

what would it takes to make you come back? the dream. the thoughts. of having someone. but i keep telling myself what it is, the truth, and it's just ain't like that. and i'm just getting boring and boring. even my mom told me that i look gloomy nowadays.

ya, right.

tell me

tell me what we got, tell me it's a lot, tell me it's the real thing. tell me not to change and always be the same, tell me that's a good thing, it's a good thing. tell me not to lie, tell me not to wait, tell me that you want the same things as me. tell me that it's fate, driving me insane. tell me it's the real thing. that keeps me hanging on..