i'm stranded in the bus terminal. sitting alone on one of the benches, waiting for my bus scheduled for another 3 hours. bought the ticket on my second attempt after i was disappointed by the fact there was no ticket for tonight. so much of my gambling for impromptu tickets. maybe because it's going to be a long weekend since the labour day is just around the corner. decided not to go back home, because that would be such a wasted back and forth journey.
lucky there was a girl wanted to sell her newly bought ticket. it's going to be too late, according to her. she was having the second thoughts perhaps. but it was fate and determination that made our path crossed. i was desperate for the ticket that i was thinking to drive myself back, worse comes to worst. and there was she wanted to reimburse her second thoughts' damage. i need to go back. because my wife is feeling the contraction already. the opening is already three centimetres long. i do not know what does it mean, but i'm guessing that's a red alarm. alarming that the baby is soon to be born, any hours, maybe tonight, perhaps the next day. labour day on labour day, huh?
i'm going to be a daddy soon. there's something special about the baby. after several times of scan, we yet to know the gender. because everytime scanned, the baby always found "its" way to hide. too shy to let us know and too smart to keep us in ponder. so everybody is assuming it's going to be a girl. the doctors said so, my parents in law, everybody. but i remain true to my intuitions and feelings that it's going to the other gender. i don't know how i know and how to explain but i have a strong feeling that it will a boy. don't know why but my daddy sense tells i'm going to hold my first son in my arms soon.
but whatever the gender it will be, my wife and i are grateful of His precious gift. as long as he or she is healthy, a boy or a girl will do adequately. and i can tell you what a wonderful feelings that i had for the past few months. watching my wife sleep, struggling with the big tummy. all excited and eager to see the child, to hear her or his first cry into this world. what a feeling!
i've decided to name her (using her based on the doctors' medical opinion) "insyirah". even if it's a boy, i will still name him the same. i think it's going to be a good name. it means, there will be a bliss after every misery. solace after struggle. taken from the surah al-insyirah, deriving about the prophet and his trouble thoughts after all the sufferings he endured. and He promised the prophet in the surah that he would victor at the end of his jihad and fights, but it demanded patience and high endurance to see it all through.
i chose the name because it reminds me so much of all that i've been through. after all these years. the heartbreaks, the hardship, my patience, the journey in my life, the love, the tears, the ups and the downs, everything. and i do hope that my child will carry the name and life it through with grace and remain patience until the end of his or her life. i really treasure patience, it's a trait that i've been trying to inculcate within myself, my family and a quality that i seek for or into a person. my sister told me that i'm a guy who can control himself well and be patient even in a stormy situation. composure might not be my best repertoire but i know patience is one of my limited fortes.
i know it might sounds a little bit girly, but actually it's a unisex name. can be used on both gender. now let's pray that my beloved wife will have a safe labour, fighting with her life to deliver me an infant into this world. i don't think i can call it a living without her. the way she treats me, i can never marry anyone else. hope that everything will go smoothly and good things will come and fall into their places. it is really a blessing from Him, to have this opportunity, this parenthood thingy, these feelings, the every details, the everything. fingers crossed!