Monday, 30 November 2009

lights at the end of the tunnel

there you go. my new blog layout for the year of 2010. i know it is a bit too early to have this blog page revamped. but then, it's never wrong to be a few steps ahead of everyone, don't we? crazyh retrofitting is my business. just what i want, what you need.

last year was derived by the preceding year which pretty much telling stories about truth, the violence and gore from truths, trust and change mechanism. we are just around the corner to end and send 2009 to it's brink and welcome 2010, a new life, fresh breath of air. indeed. next year's stories will be all about disney's happy ending kinda stories, lights, colors and happiness. God said that after every each tragedy will come goodness and lesson to learn. after each and every one despair, comes joy, evolution and rejuvenation.

am i star? perhaps not. maybe it's too much to consider myself as one. but i like to think that way. to endure and instill the positive thinking habit. positive, positive and positive. resilient. 2009 was a year of learning, comprehending the good habits. 2010 is a year of practice. a year of living the habits. for the better. sharpen the saw. we are all humans, mortals, not vampires, not werewolves. we are not that strong to sustain in a straight course. we can't shift shapes and we don't posses the ability to accentuate accelerated healing like vampires. we all sometimes strayed and astray. we need to be shepherded back to the values and principles. conscience, self control, self awareness. right or wrong. what is best for us. some says it's not always about right or wrong every time. true. compromise or being wise is something that i would relate to humility and being grounded. which is exactly what i want to be.

this year is not an exception to misery, despair, challenges, hard times. whatever you want to name them. oh yes, i've gone through them, swallowed in agony, learned openly and recovered not timely but it was enough to make a living out of it. there's no need to elaborate on them. thanks to those who helped me went through every each obstacles and pitfalls. thousand gratitudes. couldn't have done without you and yous. your love made me stronger.

so, now, let us bid farewell to gloomy tears, long faces, wasted days and just say hi to the lights. the town holds no more to see, the same faces portray no more to be, and lets not rub the wounds with salt, shall we. move on. get it on.

this year i want to introduce brighter colors. lively. positive vibes emission kinda colors. bright colors, cheerful. pink is always nice. purplish red is nice too. but the stains are always gona be there. somethings are meant to be buried and left unsaid. some people, they are trained to be defensive. they like to justify and clarify. it's like they really really need to say, to express it all. and it hurts. it is not that i am trying to be absolved from the responsibility of facing and learning from the truth but, i just don't quite understand it when some people find excuses for their decisions made. they made life changing decisions, they told the whole world that those were baked after days in the oven and suddenly they tend to use other parties' past, nightmares or weaknesses to justify. why? for me, if you have drawn the line, which segregate between black and white, and kills the grey, you should have own it, own your words like it is your life you're holding onto. when the roof caved in and the truth came out, don't whine. drop your defensive mechanism and stop being selfish.

well, i think i've said it all for a starter. not bad for an appetizer. a teaser, preferably. so, do enjoy the new blog layout, and keep reading. you might learn something from it. shit happens but love happens too.ditto!

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

came and became

i am wearing thin. that's for sure. why can't i just gallop through this. i couldn't tell her. to get her convinced on how i feel. the time flies and all of sudden, it's daylight again. my life in the rear view now and i'm running away from my mistakes, artworks, songs, lyrics, pictures and poem.

maybe i have been looking for someone like you. is it safe to say, lost day, pictures and colors fade away, songs mute in a way, and is it safe for me to say that i am missing you, by the way.

someone once told me that it's never been a fair world. curbing the feelings, which is not fair. words is all i have left in the remembrance of all those. in a brief span of time, i learned a lot. more than i could possibly teach.

as time goes by, people come and go. they all do. but there are things remain the same, left a mark, a brand and a mission or even a scar. another cycle another lesson. another chapter another story another life to sync to sing.

but i am who i am. lame but the foundation stays the same. you made me what i am today for what tomorrow may come, what i've became..

Thursday, 19 November 2009

two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought,

And I'm thinking
Maybe it's true
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When it's all said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one..

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

in the essence of time

how well you treasure your time? is it really important to you to manage your time effectively? nowadays, people talk about the big rocks of managing time and time management. but, does anyone know that time also can tell different stories, truth and it also can heal wounds, or broken hearts?

i think we have to agree that when it comes to heart matters, we as mere mortals can't be objective or think straight anymore. it's not easy. difficult to make decisions when our head is so messed up with our emotions. there's no yes or no answers and it will never be black or white. it is all grey when you are in that state.

what's wrong actually? i think, if you really mean something that you said to someone that you care, you will be opened up and will be vulnerable. you'll have the high tendency to get hurt over trivial things, the small small things. because you were honest and sincere about how you feel towards the other person. once your head can't operate in its appropriate manner, you will say or do things that you'll regret afterward.

what happen to me? i think its been awhile since the last time i was in love. and there is something about me being in love. i have this "oneitis" syndrome and symptoms like there is no other, there is no replacement for her and i give it all like tomorrow never come. laughs. funny as it sounds, but i seldom get into this kind of trouble.

so, what do i mean by time as medium of medication? sometimes, we just need to let it slide and heal by itself. space and time are brothers and interrelated to each other. together, they work wonders. if you let it be by itself leaving it with a space, a room to heal, a medium to recover and to learn, as time goes by, the result will come. some people they can forgive but they can't really forget of the collateral damages done or taken place. but as time permits and space enduring, people will eventually come to their senses that it is not really an ugly world afterall and there's always hope or something to learn out of it.

all my life i have hurt people around me and i have been hurt many times as well. it reciprocates. i am so sorry for all the bad things i've done and those harsh words i've thrown. i just want to you to know that i mean well and i've learn things out of it. it's not that i don't regret or ashamed of my wrongdoings but i like to think that there's always light at the end of the tunnel and there's always rainbow after rain. i learned a lot from my mistakes to become a better man, not a boy and all those had me coloured and colored my life. like a rainbow. but in a permanent kind of fashion.

God creates me this way with all the strength and weaknesses. for me to leverage, to share, to coach other people, to extend my joy and happiness in order to make people that i care to be happy. and to learn to improve gradually from others. not to distract or make other people's life miserable. i just want to love regardless and unconditionally and i hope to be loved endlessly.

dear you, yes, you know who you. i just want you to know that i really care about you and it never occurs to me, not even a split second of the essence of time for me to think of hurting or bringing harm to you. i never been this sincere and you teach me a lot of things, you analyzed me and your analysis teaches me to open up. that its good at times to be yourself again. your kindness and care healed me and helped me go through my nightmares and darkest fears. i know i have never been nice to you, and i don't have anything to offer. all i am is just a complex difficult subject for you to comprehend. so sorry. but deep down inside i just want to you to know that i want to share things with you, and maybe perhaps you can learn something out of me, even the silliest thing it might be.

now, all i need from you is you to forgive me and i'm hoping that you won't give up on me and my change wave. my quantum leap change progression. i'm growing for the better and i seriously hope that you can be a part of it. all we need is time and patience. i know we can be amazing, amazingly significant to each other eventhough it stays platonic. i am so proud that i've known you that our path crossed eventhough i didn't start in the kind of good footings you would expect me to..

finally, we have come to the end and after series of reality checks and reality really does bite. back to reality. i hope you cherish my ever presence and the colors i brought into your life. and the pantone colors never stains, never sinks and never fades. i wish. i hope.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

i require strength

dear god, help me. i am so confused. i don't know what to do. i gave it all and i let you to do the me the way. the path of goodness.