dear God, hear me

i have been overwhelmed by a sad story. i feel so down now. feel like i'm being victimized and being treated unfairly. but who am i to have such skepticism and who am i to be in the position to judge? words and hearsay can not be digested, require filtration and a lot of facts confirmation before taken into consideration especially in the virtue of making decisions.

after all i've done and sacrificed for the organization, and what do i get back? i didn't put too much hope on merits, but demerit instead? well, that's harsh. now, they put me in 6 months probation with series of monitoring and counseling. can you believe that? bite my fingers, i can't believe it myself either.

am i that bad? i tried to deliver what it is expected from me, timely and with conformance to the specification. i tried to stay clean, no quarrels, no bad communication with peers and subordinates. do i deserve such downgrading?

Allahualam..

what now? lets not be such a fuss, bitching around about what happened. be a man, and keep on improving. things that i've learned in the two holy cities. never give up, and maintain a pure heart. avoid finger pointing, admit it it's my shortfall, own it like it is my weakness and never have bad thoughts on people.

patience. come, let us pray for His wisdom so that the truth will prevail, we stay in the straight path and let us not be astray. the truth is, it is never been a fair world.

amin~

why can't people just don't talk bad about other people?

what drives you to write?things come when you expect them the least.i chatted with a female management representative in the organization through facebook in the very odd 5 o'clock in the morning.who has ever thought of that?i got the knocked on my head.such early in the morning.

we started with my recent umrah and ziarah to the two holy lands.then arisen these sort of stories of people talking behind my back, untrue or partially true or other words of it, exxegerrated stories.shame and sad to know that we still have these kind of jokers in the organization.don't they have any better management thing to do that talk about other people?worse, they even discussed about this in my appraisal session.how subjective they were.am i that bad that i don't deserve any credit for what i've done and sacrificed for the company, to even been punished with such accusations?shocking, really shocking such stories they brought.

one word, unfair.totally unfair.Alhamdullilah, i'm back from my umrah and ziarah last week.it was a superb fascinating experience.a priceless one.and surely i learned my things over there.and i was so sad to leave Mecca Al-Mukarramah and to end my soul connecting session with Him.surely, if He grant my prayer, more rezeki from Him, i definitely will visit Him and His Rasul again.


when you are to be seated in front of the Baitullah, you will feel it.like you are so close to Him. during that particular time, you really don't give a damn about merits or appraisal rating 2,bla bla bla.all you care about is your sins and your deeds.that was what i felt, at least.

one more thing i learned there, forgive and forget in grace.we should forgive people for whatever zalim stuff they've done to you.if He, the merciful can repent and cleanse people from their sins, no matter how bad they've sink in the bloody swamp of sins, why can't you follow His steps of mercy, grace and honesty?

well, that is exactly what i'm trying to do. forget about all those people.move on.forgive them and always have good thoughts on people.never skeptical, never talk bad about them.insyaAllah~ more pictures in my flickr photo page. www.flickr.com/photos/kukubal