Endless Malarkey

Salam all. I know. It's been ages since I last wrote here. I even forgot that I had a blog. Seriously. And more surprisingly even to myself is, this blog for some ambiguous reasons contains 157 posts already?! My god, was I that vocal? Or was I just being myself? Flooding rants in this very humble page that has a very limited number of readers. I am pretty positive about the statistical analysis of that. Or maybe I was just too self criticised and self analyzing, so rampant in my individualistic notions that I simply had too much to write. And that I can attest too :)

It's been a year plus since my last post. I've been busy. With many things, among all, getting to know myself. I have come to a very delicate state of mind that there is nobody worth knowing unless you know yourself. God and the prophet excluded, of course. To really know what are we really capable of, our limits and to learn to master ourselves. Age is catching up with me, to be honest with you. I've learn recently to tactfully decline to any future endeavours that might put my well being in jeopardy. Be it a strong temptation to buy unnecessary pair of new shoes or an invitation from a friend, unscheduled, for coffee hangout kinda thing, so late that I know I am so going to have a problem adhering to my morning routine the very next day. Unless, it's weekend eve's night, of course. That's different. 

Being routinely disciplined is good for me, and it is exactly what I need to manage myself. And my time. I simply just can't afford to live like that anymore. Going to bed late for example. And being so immersed in my perpetual desire to be a full time professional golfer competing in the European Tour which outside my liking, completely turned me into a complete mad golf scientist, if such thing exists. I spent too much time at the range, countless of hours practising, inviting for a party of bodily malfunctions. And I know my body is not in the agreeable state anymore, with my lower back being the most vocal about it. Too much of anything is never a good thing.

I need to be in control. In a sense that being early, on top of things, being proactive not just in work but it is so extensive that all this being religiously timely applies to my personal life. From paying the bills, the groceries, my grooming, getting my haircut, servicing my car, my financial management etc.

But what is it about good practices without consistency? I'm totally passed that period of identification and self/soul searching, whatever you might want to label it. I'm bloody thirty two and not getting any younger, apparently. Divorced for almost two years, with two kids. It is just not befitting for me to be and act in slack and sluggish. I can't. Can't afford and in my conscience, I won't. 

I think we've already came to the conclusion (in the previous post, at the very least) that divorce is not a good thing and there's indeed no need to dwell on it. But managing the "post-divorced" era is even tougher than I ever imagined. And to a large extent it does, and it does taking its toll on me and my family. Especially the children.

I am not putting any sugar coat on this. I think the children is the most affected ones. I do however, in my usual best, sprightly appear to be well managed, somehow, emotionally and extravagantly extrovert. But the fear is always going to be there. Well, I am recovered. I go out, I golf, I work, I meet people, I talk, a lot, business as usual. But it is that fear, of my children imbalanced and unconventional upbringing that worry me most.

The narrative that's been laid in front of us in recent decades is that money does rule, and unfortunately to a certain extent it does. But money shall not solely define any human being self sustainability and certainly not at the expense of integrity. 2014 was tough year for me. Financially. And institutionally. I was out of job twice. In job transitions I called it. I had to endure a torrid period of time of my life with no savings, fully depending on my parents' pension money (yes, I know, I should have not burden them anymore, but how I wish it was avoidable) and to my deepest shame, I had to borrow some money from my close friends I met at the range (guess, golf buddies are cool after all, isn't?) for legal fees etc since my ex-wife filed summons for custody of our daughter in court. Twice. Which in my rarely issued humble opinion, a true indication of greed and relationship damaging manifesto. 

She is burning bridges. That's all. A self centered move, fully disguised in the name of syariah law, taking advantage of their self proclaimed slight upper hand, only and limited to only in terms of financially. There's no rights or wrongs about the divorce decision, which in my understanding, was mutually agreed and its repercussions are to be embraced. Don't slam on the repercussions now. It's expected and of all people you should have known this since you were the one who asked for it. You can't just dragged the other party to court every time, simply just because you think things should be in certain way, or in certain manners, which are always for me, one sided, to your self benefiting only. Just because you think it is good, good for you or the children, it does not necessarily mean it is going to be good for me. And to my parents. And surprisingly, to our daughter herself. I personally don't think that she would agree with all these so called fights for rights thingy. Too bad she is too young to understand.

Enough with all the bad tones. It is just not me. You know what I've discovered recently too? You can only love yourself much and that much, above all. And self loving is the very basic love principle and loving attitude before any of us has any idea to love any other human being. Love yourself first, then talk bout loving others. Bad tones is "self-love" damaging for me.

Let's talk bout the beautiful things that happened. Oh yes, the travels. First, Melbourne, then London. I am lucky, very lucky to be honest to have such wonderful parents who see travelling as a good thing, and I am very grateful to be given such opportunity to travel with my parents despite all the setbacks. I guess, there's no doubt whatsoever now that their love for my daughter (their one and only granddaughter by the way, for the time being) stand above all. Even higher than all my blunderbusses to date, and I was very well positioned to take advantage of that :-P Yeah, free tickets etc. Who wouldn't want those? Lol.

Melbourne trip was in August last year. It was a cold eye opening trip down south. Melbourne is such well organized especially in their CBD that it is so easy for you to get your way around. Then London was early May this year. We even went to Paris too. We celebrated Insyirah's birthday that day under the Eiffel Tower. She turned 3 that day. Took the train for a quick visit to France. I finally set foot in Europe and even though it was kinda sad that Madrid wasn't included within the itinerary but I was satisfied with the whole trip, as a whole. I learned a lot from the trip. The culture, the vast western civilization, the facilities, how they manage and juggle to balance between preserving nature within the metropolitan compound and infrastructure mega conglomerate. 

I just love walking in the Hyde Park with Insyirah in the morning, with a hot latte in my hands and my mom home cooked sandwich for breakfast, spent time walking from one end to the other, sit by the lake, watching the swans and how my daughter gave them bread crumbs and chasing the squirrels and rabbits around, and passers-by talking to each others at the cafe and above all what I love most, exchanging words with any strangers that I can possibly have the opportunity to utter words with. It was just, self revealing. Talking about just about anything and to be honest, nothing in particular to some British old ladies and tourists in the bus, out of the blue in a foreign country was just fun! Some spontaneity in travel is always fun. Learned that life doesn't have to be stressful and that hard, you know. There's always a good side of anything even after such a bad thing. Yes, we all already know that life is hard, but being gloomy and living in the past just won't take you nowhere. Certainly not to Spain I guess :-P

The only thing that didn't go well with the trips is, Furqan's absence. I have made it clear to myself that the next journey shall have him with us. That's a promise. Here are some pictures from both trip.

Okay, I think it is enough of these endless malarkey. I am going to excuse myself with these wise words from Bil Keane saying that, “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” Till then, appreciate today and the present, be good folks. Cheers.

Hands Down

I went to Dashboard Confessional's acoustic performance live here in Kuala Lumpur last night. I have always been a huge fan of the band and there's only one word I could possibly utter, awesome!

Instead of coming as the original 4 piece set up band, they decided to sent their lead vocal only Chris Carrabba. I heard that he's on solo now as the whole band is in their hiatus after they launched their latest album Alter the Ending two or three years ago.

But it didn't affect him to deliver his best performance even without his band mates. Not at all. I still remember how me and Jojo used to play their songs back in our glorious jamming days about 8 years ago. We love them, their songs, the riffs, the emo lyrics, we wanted to be them. Hahaha. We used to name Chris's band mate as "Afro Guitarist" for John the lead guitar and you'll know why if you look at his hair, "Overexcited Drum" for Mike the drummer as he's always look in his raging mode in most of their videos and "Shy Base" for Scott the basis as he always stepped back from the light hiding from being spotted in their live videos :P

All in all Chris performed well last night. He rocked it! Man, you should have been there if you are a Dashboard fan. He's really a true emo icon. Super cool! I really enjoyed the show. Me and Jojo were singing along all the way.

He started with The Good Fight, and we were blown away straight away. He did As Lovers Go, Saint and Sailor, Again I Go Unnoticed, Don't Wait, Screaming Infidelities, Dusk and Summer, the famous Vindicated, Stolen for the girls to be swept off and sent them off crazy (hahaha), The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most, the latest Belle of Boulevard, some other songs from they different albums and he closed it with my all time favourite, Hands Down. Those songs remind me of those days when I used to be so expressive in my feelings towards people that I care. Like what Chris said, it was the best days he ever had. :)

And hands down, Chris is such a deep and talented singer song writer in alternative punk and emo rock music fraternity. Probably the best ever is. He's such an inspirational for most teenagers who listened to emo music back in early 2000s, and an influence to many famous bands too. And so do I and Jojo. We formed a band, wanting and longing to be like Dashboard, lol! :P Those were the days. I hope he will come again to Malaysia in his band form. Am sure they will rock it to the ground :)

P/s : I remember I did dedicate this song's lyrics to a girl, because I really like the song and the girl but she snubbed me in cold blood! Maybe she didn't know Hands Down and Dashboard Confessional. She's forgiven anyway :)

five minutes heaven

what is it really to be in control? some says you have to give up control in order to gain control? it's a very delicate thing this control thing. it has a broad definition, vast perspectives but that's not i want to talk about today.

i think i did write something about self control or self mastery about two years ago when i was in the self transition towards a better chap, towards the public victory. and today i want to continue write about it. self control.

i often look it in the anger management perspective. you know, to hold your tongue from expressing the unnecessary things, things that you might regret saying them, which of course you can't take them back. and that makes it even worse.

being angry or having an argument is perfectly normal for a human being. we all have feelings, and since we are so inevitably complicatedly built, we tend to argue. but it is crucial to know the border line, when to stop, to call it off. to take a step back, and think, do we really need to win this? or is it really worth of a fight? and even, why on earth we argue in the first place?

self mastery is so deep that it can't be measured. only one knows the extend of his self control. but i like to relate it with maturity, kind of directly. if we can control ourselves against the retaliation hence self humiliation in future endeavours, we are in the right direction towards the higher level of maturity.

here i want to share how to control yourself against the constant evil mind chatter that can lead you to do or say something stupid. simple, breathe. deep breathing. take a deep breath, while counting backwards from ten to one in your conscious mind. to make it even better, imagine the shapes of the number you're counting. the more you are drawn into it, the more you are tapped in to your subconscious mind. make sure you breathe via your nose not your mouth. we all born with the endowment of breathing through our nose and directly filling up our lugs. we only breathe through the mouth for massive air intake (if that's a proper way to address it) when we are panic, suffocating or sleepy but that's yawning. and then, once your tummy or your diaphragm to be precise is inflated fully, hold it for one second and then release the air via our nose with the count from one to ten.

with extra oxygen being rushed into our systems, there's plenty of benefits that we gain automatically. one, our muscles, joints and flexes are more relaxed. two, our mind is suddenly freed up from negative thoughts, those tiny sinister whispers or evil drives encouraging us to react aggressively, especially when we are in the middle of an argument. three, it will take us somewhere in our mind, somewhere isolated. it's like you are somewhere else, your mind is withdrawn from the rough discussion. your body might still be there, but your mind is completely focussing on something else. what is more fascinating is, that something is nothing. your mind is totally empty. you regain your balance, and focus. i know, as funny as it sounds, but it is a great technique for you to tap in to your subconscious.

this is very effective if you want to clear your mind after a rough and tough day at work, the traffic congestions or what not, and let your subconscious mind take you to your five minutes day dreaming. it's so refreshing and breathtaking, hence the process :p and you can recharge your brain to continue whatever you are planning to do onwards. it helps you to develop patience, and self control.

i hope it helps. because, it does help me in my golf game and my other daily routine. i was so drawn into my subconscious mind, that i didn't think about anything during my swing, or driving. i just "do" it. it's like brushing your teeth. you woke up in the morning, you never think about how many muscles involved to pick up the brush, how much pressure you put onto the paste so that the right amount of paste coming out and placed onto the brush, how much pressure to put onto your gums and teeth and list goes on. it just happened and it happens everyday without fail.

so, use it repetitively and you'll be good at it. you can use it to control your temper or just to access your five minutes ride into your mind heaven :)

twenty eight and counting

twenty eight and on and on and onwards. yes, almost three decades. twenty eight is simply can no longer be round out down to 25. sigh.

last Monday was my twenty eighth birthday. i received quite a number of wishes from friends and family members. but nothing can match up the essentialness of my wife's effort to celebrate me and my sign of ageing day.

for the first time in my life, someone wrote and read me a poem about how she feels about me. man, i was so touched by her effort. speechless. she even read it in front of almost 30 friends of mine last weekend when me and my MCKK brothers had a small "family" gathering. you know, with wifes and kids around. but of course, i played cool about it. but deep inside i'm all healed. hence, the warm hug i gave her after she finished her last line, which rhymed inadvertently with former lines.

but birthdays will always be birthdays. meaningless if we don't sit back and reflect on our achievement or improvement throughout the preceding year. as a matter of fact, birthday is the right time to look back, just right on the dot. the timing couldn't be any perfect than that.

i looked back on what i've achieved when the number was still 27. honestly, signing a life partner was the hype of the year and probably one of the best thing ever happened through out my entire life. god, i am so grateful to you that Firdaus's path and mine crossed.

anyway, here are some pictures taken during our little family day at FRIM, Kepong last weekend, held in conjuction with the closing ceremony for our tenth years anniversary celebration. well, it was a good outdoor hang out,with good food, with best friends around, kids around and most of all, with my wife around :) enjoy~

group photos..boys only =P

group photos together with wifes and kids :)

managed to sing along our glorious used to be cheering song entitled "istana kuning" back when we were in form five :P

the poem she wrote..

she read it..quite bluntly loud :P but i love it, every single line of it..

the hug, my appreciation gesture :)

naughty boy :P

make up competition..i think Firdaus had her revenge well taken :P

and boys will always be boys..hehe :P

old cottage

i'm back at my hometown, Kuantan. for this year's eid-ul adha. there's always something refreshing about this house. the house where i grew up. and there will be always something to ponder, to refresh and freshen up about when i come back to this house.

this is the house where i used to feel everything was so big. but now everything in this house is small. and looks cute and simple. like how three of us, me, my brother and my little sister used to be. and it's always nice to look back at our toys, our old bedroom, the bed sheets, my room in the attic, my old lego collections, my sister's cute old Garfield knitting, our old pictures and frames, our old text books, our old t-shirt collections. all the things are still there, untouched. man, it is good to be back. it's almost a year past since last time i was in this house.

it's not that i don't want to go back, as my mom always keep pressing me to drive her back during weekends. but work commitments, golf, and other stuff prohibited me to do so. but it doesn't necessarily mean i don't miss my origin.

well, sometimes, it's good to rewind back where we come from. to remind back how far have we come so far. the stretch. so far yet so close. i might have bought another house in the city but my heart still beats this house. so close and dearly. this is where it all started for me and the whole family, 5 of us.

i miss my childhood. this cottage speaks the whole volume, the whole spectrum of memoirs of my childhood, and my journey. sigh~

remember november

it's almost half past november. so fast. feels like the year is just started. like it was still in march or april. man. time really flies. so fast in a blink of an eye, you won't notice that people around you change, a lot. and worse, you won't be able to realize how much you have changed over the months.

speaking of november, at this point last year, i was still in Sarawak. staying up late. usually. that time, i just picked up golf, about to buy myself a set. look at me now. back home in the capital, and golf is almost everything now :)

last year november was one of the toughest months, difficult period of time, in my life. i learned a lot this month last year.

this year, it's all a different story now. i am getting engaged two weeks from now. who ever thought of that huh? :P

nothing much to point out in this post. i just want to share how much i've changed as an employee and as a person, as a whole. and i am much happier. stable. chilled :) yeah, it's good to be back. i mean it. it's GOOD. till then, i'll catch up with you later, with more updates on the engagement. OMG! i'm getting married!! :P

on and onwards

last weekend i drove to johor bahru with my mom. to her place. along with cupcakes and fruits. long story short, the deal is on. and onwards. say hello to sunshine, the light, the lantern :)

big step for steep bloke :P now contemplating on the theme color~

towards the completion

how irony things can be. how fast things turned out to be. after weeks of self searching, and self reflection, i am now not just getting better, a bonus, a blessing, a privilege to have her coming into my life in a very unexpected fashion which none of us can ever derive.

after all these years. after all the sufferings. after all those battle scars. finally, i have what i want, what i always wanted, only after i realized that i am nobody, not even close to perfection. then, she entered this timid life, purging the air back into it. like an apparatus. and now, i'm inhaling alternated by exhaling.

i couldn't believe this is happening. so does her. both of us can't believe that in months time, we are complete. all in all, i am so happy and glad that my prayers are answered. gratitude to Him, i am now changing my pace, my course towards the ultimate thingy, called fulfilling. lets pray to Him so that things will go smooth in future endeavors.

for the first time in my life, it doesn't feel so hard. no doubt, no hassle, no worry. and i don't have to be anybody, nobody, just me. like it's my destiny. surely, this will be the most anticipated event of all time. can't wait :)

la furia roja

world cup is here haunting us again. once again, being no longer a dark horse, my all time favorite team, spain is tipped as favorites to lift the cup there in south africa. currently they sit in first place in fifa world ranking ahead of brazil and argentina. and there goes the pressure mounting on the players and so do the supporters.

spain, lavished with bunch of talented players to pick from. they have the strongest squad all the way from the goal keeper to the top strikers, some said. they are relatively young with age average of twenty four, an exciting blend between young guns and old horses in the likes of barcelona's pedro and carles puyol respectively. they are technically sound, high work rate, their skills and ability are exemplary and they have been playing together for quite sometimes resulting as perfect gelled teamwork.

with san iker casillas between the goal posts, sergio ramos galloping at the right flank, with xavi hernandez, andres iniesta, david silva and francesc fabregas mastering the middle park, and power forward david villa up front, spain surely looks unstoppable. they have their own style of play, a total possession domination, tiring their opponents with short and neat passing, ready to electrify the atmosphere.

i've been supporting la furia roja or the furious red since i was 11. they had always been disappointed and disappointing in big tournaments, a total big flop, underachiever, it's like they couldn't replicate their club forms in the likes of valencia, barcelona and real madrid, until they finally broke their jinx in last euro 08 in austria, when iker casillas lifted the trophy eliminating all the rumors that there were politics issue in their dressing room saying that the barcelona captain puyol should be the national captain instead of the real madrid keeper since there were only 2 real madrid players in the team i.e casillas and sergio ramos (ruben de la red were still loaned to getafe during that time) compared to barcelona's xavi, pique, iniesta, etc. nevertheless the victory somehow sent a message to the big boys of world football e.g. brazil, argentina, france, italy or england that they were not to be taken lightly again.

but humility is the essence of success in this world cup for the spanish team as said by their sporting director come assistant manager, fernando hierro, former real madrid and spanish captain. they have to maintain their feet on the ground, focus and play like how they want to play their game. i am sure that they have learned from their past mistakes e.g the painful exit in previous world cup back in germany when france destroyed their hopes in the second round and failure to advance from group stage in both euro 04 and world cup 98 when hierro himself and raul were in the team.

whatever it is, just like what kinka said, rain or shine, viva espana! we'll see how their progress to the final, where brazil and italy are the potential opponents in their upcoming knockout stages. llueva o truene, vamos espana siempre!

No.	Pos.	Player	DoB (Age)	Caps	Goals	Club
1	GK	Iker Casillas (c)	20 May 1981 (1981-05-20) (age 29)	104	0	Real Madrid
12	GK	Víctor Valdés	14 January 1982 (1982-01-14) (age 28)	1	0	Barcelona
23	GK	Pepe Reina	31 August 1982 (1982-08-31) (age 27)	20	0	Liverpool
2	DF	Raúl Albiol	4 September 1985 (1985-09-04) (age 24)	23	0	Real Madrid
3	DF	Gerard Piqué	2 February 1987 (1987-02-02) (age 23)	16	4	Barcelona
4	DF	Carlos Marchena	31 July 1979 (1979-07-31) (age 30)	59	2	Valencia
5	DF	Carles Puyol	13 April 1978 (1978-04-13) (age 32)	83	2	Barcelona
11	DF	Joan Capdevila	3 February 1978 (1978-02-03) (age 32)	46	4	Villarreal
15	DF	Sergio Ramos	30 March 1986 (1986-03-30) (age 24)	60	5	Real Madrid
17	DF	Álvaro Arbeloa	17 January 1983 (1983-01-17) (age 27)	15	0	Real Madrid
6	MF	Andrés Iniesta	11 May 1984 (1984-05-11) (age 26)	43	6	Barcelona
8	MF	Xavi Hernández	25 January 1980 (1980-01-25) (age 30)	87	8	Barcelona
10	MF	Cesc Fàbregas	10 May 1987 (1987-05-10) (age 23)	50	6	Arsenal
13	MF	Juan Manuel Mata	28 April 1988 (1988-04-28) (age 22)	8	3	Valencia
14	MF	Xabi Alonso	25 November 1981 (1981-11-25) (age 28)	69	9	Real Madrid
16	MF	Sergio Busquets	16 July 1988 (1988-07-16) (age 21)	13	0	Barcelona
20	MF	Javi Martínez	2 September 1988 (1988-09-02) (age 21)	2	0	Athletic Bilbao
21	MF	David Silva	8 January 1986 (1986-01-08) (age 24)	36	7	Valencia
22	MF	Jesús Navas	February 26, 1985 (1985-02-26) (age 25)	6	1	Sevilla
7	FW	David Villa	3 December 1981 (1981-12-03) (age 28)	58	38	Barcelona
9	FW	Fernando Torres	20 March 1984 (1984-03-20) (age 26)	73	24	Liverpool
18	FW	Pedro Rodríguez	28 July 1987 (1987-07-28) (age 22)	3	1	Barcelona
19	FW	Fernando Llorente	26 February 1985 (1985-02-26) (age 25)	7	3	Athletic Bilbao

blast off under the scorching sun

yeah, another blast. we went to cherating, for our 3 days batch getaway, as one of the lined up activities for our 10th years after graduation anniversary. it was awesome. the beach was clean and nice, the chalets was perfectly lined up for us to stay door to door next to each other, the bbq food were nice, the seafood drive to kuala kemaman was even cooler, satar lunch on the second day was great accompanied with sweet air batu campur, skin dipped for many times, beach volleyball, sing along together with guitar strumming, poker games until morning, sun rise photography, a cool perfect gateway with close friends, again checked!

we planned for this trip since last year, we are proud to successfully held it. even though the attendance was not as per confirmed earlier, due to some of us had to rain check consequent of last minute commitments, but 20 plus of us was just nice for a turn up number. or else, it could have been too crowded, to jive and mingle around.

it was sizzling during the day, but we still managed to have our shirtless beach volleyball. full of laughter. some of us brought along their newly born sons. yeah, it's good to have cute kids around to hold and kuci kuci kind of play :) man, i was so touched to see how happy my friends who are married, together with their wives and kids. somehow, it developed my fatherhood sense that one day, i'll have my life, my faith, my religion, completed too. insha'Allah.

it was good to have the getaway to really get away from the metropolitan cramps, and all the problems in the office. so, next activity will be our back to school trip, with all those uniforms and last but not least, the grand gala dinner at the end of the year, as the closure, of a wonderful year. boys we were, and we will always be boys in our hearts :p the aging process doesn't affect the memories, truly.

victim of vanity

in my quest of searching for a nice size 8-10 woman's leather jacket for her, i almost got myself caught off guard of being a victim of vanity. i was trying on few designs of man's jacket for myself since i couldn't find a single one which caught my attention. what a diversion. as the temptation built up rapidly.

man, the objective was to buy a jacket for her but instead, it almost end up another additional to my collection in the paper bag. but unfortunately lucky me (urgh), my deep conscience was clear enough, managed to convince me not to buy one of those two cool jaw dropping awesome jackets. hehe. and of all lame excuses i said to myself not to buy one, it was the climate came on top of the long list of doubtful self indulgence denial, etc. malaysia is too hot for another jacket in my wardrobe. yep, blame the sizzling weather. :P

the poking mind blower is, am i that vain to be a victim of my own vanity affair? don't judge me, it was hard to resist them okay! lol~

why can't people just don't talk bad about other people?

what drives you to write?things come when you expect them the least.i chatted with a female management representative in the organization through facebook in the very odd 5 o'clock in the morning.who has ever thought of that?i got the knocked on my head.such early in the morning.

we started with my recent umrah and ziarah to the two holy lands.then arisen these sort of stories of people talking behind my back, untrue or partially true or other words of it, exxegerrated stories.shame and sad to know that we still have these kind of jokers in the organization.don't they have any better management thing to do that talk about other people?worse, they even discussed about this in my appraisal session.how subjective they were.am i that bad that i don't deserve any credit for what i've done and sacrificed for the company, to even been punished with such accusations?shocking, really shocking such stories they brought.

one word, unfair.totally unfair.Alhamdullilah, i'm back from my umrah and ziarah last week.it was a superb fascinating experience.a priceless one.and surely i learned my things over there.and i was so sad to leave Mecca Al-Mukarramah and to end my soul connecting session with Him.surely, if He grant my prayer, more rezeki from Him, i definitely will visit Him and His Rasul again.


when you are to be seated in front of the Baitullah, you will feel it.like you are so close to Him. during that particular time, you really don't give a damn about merits or appraisal rating 2,bla bla bla.all you care about is your sins and your deeds.that was what i felt, at least.

one more thing i learned there, forgive and forget in grace.we should forgive people for whatever zalim stuff they've done to you.if He, the merciful can repent and cleanse people from their sins, no matter how bad they've sink in the bloody swamp of sins, why can't you follow His steps of mercy, grace and honesty?

well, that is exactly what i'm trying to do. forget about all those people.move on.forgive them and always have good thoughts on people.never skeptical, never talk bad about them.insyaAllah~ more pictures in my flickr photo page. www.flickr.com/photos/kukubal