there's "more" to it

it's true. sometimes, it takes months for a person to realize something. some people years, some might need a hard bang on the head to learn some cheesy idea. some require series of unfortunate events or accumulated frustrations to finally swallow the truth.

today, finally i got myself out of it, beyond doubts and confusions. to finally kill the emerging hatred and to eventually wipe off the bitterness in me. now i got it. understood. it's possible for her to feel it that way but at the same time get herself confused, like what she confessed.

well, she made her decisions already. for the better. for the best, for all three of us. for him, for me and definitely for her. it wasn't the famous choice of all time, and surely wasn't pleasant at all. she got to choose. and somebody has to loose. it was hard for me to swallow and now i understand, finally that it wasn't easy for her too. maybe it's true about those things she used to tell me. but it's just me, too greedy to have it all, to proud to accept the truth and her decisions, either or, perhaps both.

but things are different now, probably too late to amend. i said things, mean things. and i regret those. this is the best for everybody. everything happens for a reason. now i just stick to my prayer, like i used to said to her, that i always pray for her happiness. there's nothing else i want other than to make her smile, even it costs me to weep. she is in good hands now, better than mine.

i thought she lied. i wanted more from her, more than what she could possibly to offer, nothing less than what she could never be to me. nothing was enough for me. she tried. but i was just too proud to admit that what she offered was the best she had. to be friends, and demanded me to stay, stick around.

maybe she was, telling the truth. that she loved me, but she loves him more.