corteous gestures

everyone has their own cycles. we are all normal human being. no matter how strong, how bold, how tempered like an iron we are, we all bound to have our emotional dip. mood swing, change of temperament, dispositions of mind fraction. whatever you might call it. it is just not normal for us to stay happy and smiling for twenty four seven three hundred sixty five long.

i am always the optimist kind of character, jovial and bubbling over. that is how most people perceive me. at least. but still, i have the other dark side of me, the not so funny of me. the mellowed, mundane and sensitive partitions of my personality. we are all unique blend of traits, aren't we? tried to sustain the bright colors, but i can't maintain the energy through out the time. it is just impossible. i'm just so full of designed flaws.

thus, whenever i am in my sinking mode, i will sit back and think. to regain the strength, the stamina of resilience. normally, i'll be back on track by myself within the time frames. depending on the weight of the issue. there are times, when i'll seek for words of wisdom from someone older, whom i really look up to. my former boss, mr. sam for example. and there will be times when i'll run to my friends. in search for the brotherhood kind of comfort. to crack some silly jokes, to remind me of those crazy old days, to have me distracted especially when i found no exit, no point of perspective no focus to the tangled issue. so that i can channel my energy back to find the solutions. normally for solution craving issues. but when it comes to heart matters, dilemmas and dramas, where i need no solutions, when i need someone who can tell me that it's okay to feel that way, that i'm still the man, that i will go through it thoroughly. so that i'd feel better. and habitually the soft voice of a woman touch ease me down. sooth me flat, putting out the rage. and my beloved mom and her tears never fail.

i just need someone to be at the other receiving end, to listen. i don't demand much. repeated simple nods, recurred "uhuh"s and number of persisted "i feel you"s would suffice. which i found it rare among boys. i'm not saying my long life dudes are not capable of these medicating routines. but there are times when i much in need of a female friend to have me poured with supporting elevating words. when i need a friend. she doesn't have to be my girlfriend or a lover. and for me, i do not require feelings to keep me and the listener intact. it does not necessarily have to be feelings everytime or to get the feelings involved. we are not talking about sexual intercourse here. it is just a simple plain courtesy from a friend to a friend. a gesture. an act of appreciation for who he or she is, for who he or she has been. for his or her kindness. all i ever want is sincerity. but my mom said that not everyone is adequately sincere as how am i sincere and heartfelt to them.

sadly, not everything in this life reciprocated. my late great grandmother used to remind me that not many people in this world understand the true meaning of courteous manners and kind courtesy. now i got her point and why she stressed it to me so many times until her last breath. and grandfather always strike me a chord that sincerity is so hard that it distinguishes us from others.