Expectations Versus Confidence

Last Saturday was a memorial day for me. For the first time in my golfing career, or my golf life persona, I played in a official golf tournament. It was MCOBA Masters, an annually held golf competition among us, the old boys. Actually, it is not really a competitive kind of tournament. The way we see it, it is more like a social gathering, a get together kind of outing in a golf course where the old ones meet the younger ones, and you know the rest :) It's my first tournament, and probably the most remembered ones for more to come in future endeavours.

But I am not writing about the tournament, the excitement, the networking, the feel and pride being part of the great MCOBA fraternity and such. I'm writing about my thousand and one failure during that particular round of golf. Let us just say, that I didn't have a good round that day. Certainly wasn't playing to my current potential. Well, I hit good drives but my short games were terrible. Duffed, I topped the ball on few occasions, I snapped during my putts, I didn't chip close to the hole like I used to do, and worst, I even shanked my pitch shots. You know, that sorts of silly but costly mistakes. By the time I reach the 9th hole, my score was already up to the target I've set earlier, with another 9 to go. Crazy.

So, what went wrong actually. Definitely I'm not that kind of player. I know I can do way better than that. I even score considerably good in my standard and potential on the same course, in a round of 18, 3 days earlier when I went for a dry run to get me well prepared. Which, makes it more unbearable. The frustration.

In the name of a game called golf, the mind plays a crucial role. The old sayings said, 90 percent of a round of golf, is played in the mind. Which I can never agree more and argue less. It is so crucial that it takes control of everything. Not just my swing, but my confidence, and definitely my pride.

So here I am, contemplating on what really happened last weekend. Was it the nerves? That rush of blood to the head? Pounding out, taking control over me and letting me down? Yes, but only in partial. It was the expectations that really killed me. The expectation is always considered by most to be working parallel with confidence. The higher the confidence is, automatically the expectation is sky high and vice versa. I beg to differ. In golf, the opposite is true. The higher the expectation we set in a round of golf, the more pressure we put on ourselves to hit great shots everytime. Which is a great recipe for failure, a cardinal's sin we call it in golf.

When I put certain expectations in this very first tournament, subconsciously I've put a certain target of score, or a particular level of play to be met during that round of golf. What happened was, when I hit a bad shot, my mind, my pre-frontal cortex ( the CEO of the brain, not the motor system that controls the body and muscles movement) quickly assessed my swing, to find the culprit, more like a fault finding process. And my mind breaks down my swing part by part to find the very mean of faultiness. When I thought that I've got the answer, subsequently I tried to correct it in "the level of my swing", not in the mind. Which resulted in doing more, or overdo, not less. Well, doing more or overly done in golf means disaster. In golf, less is more. As a result, there were worse shots, and I even missed a less than 12 inches putt. Bloody frustrating.

Why did I put too much pressure on myself? I don't know, maybe with all the preparations I've made, all the time and effort I've poured into, the equipment that I've upgraded, not to mention the apparel and garments that I've tried to match up everytime, I expected myself to put such a performance up to that "standard". But when I get too excited bout it, hence the silly mistakes, I only let myself further down, so low that I couldn't recover up to the last hole. Which is so not me. It felt like I was just started playing, like how I used to be 3 years ago. That showed how devastating it was for me.

So lesson is learnt. Now, I'm not just going to practice the swing itself, but the mental aspects as well. Recovery from a bad shot is part of the lesson plan :) You know, living in the moment, not in the future, and definitely not in the past. And try not to putt too much unnecessary pressure on myself. For a better score and the hopefully I will enjoy my golf tournament more in the future.

I know I can do better than how I performed last weekend. With the knowledge, the techniques, the equipment, the drive and with all the time and efforts I've put into, I even can play with a very low score of 88 actually. But I've to take it one step at a time. Next tournament, I better prepare myself not just in the swing perspectives, but in mind department also. Managing my expectations exponentially, maintaining my self confidence, controlling the nervous feeling, that sort of stuffs.

Golf, oh golf. I wonder, how on earth did I get so immersed into it in the first place?! Immersed and so etched that the game is shaping my personality, bit by bit :)

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

People said that God work His magic in many forms. He can bless you in many ways. Now I'm bidding on it fully. I do believe in it. No longer just a hearsay. And it is like a wonder when you think you are about to crack out and cramp in, then all of sudden He cheer us with set of good news. Irony.

Truly. I am so grateful for His blessings and favours bestowed on me. Now my 6 months old daughter, Insyirah is a sister. Last week, we found out that my wife is carrying our second baby. And in conjunction with that, I got an offer with another company. A better offer, a managerial post and finally I'm going to do something I'm naturally comfortable to perform. Sales and marketing. Utilizing my talent. I'm all comfortable meeting new people. Selling ideas, persuading, sharing thoughts and opinions, gathering info. It's all me. It's new to me as I never really do a true marketing job before. But I have a strong feeling that I'm going to do just fine. Naturally.

And for the second baby, both of us, my wife and I hope that it's going be a boy this time around. We pray for it, we work for it. Towards it. You know, things like, eating more meat, reading Surah Yusof, and so forth. But still, we leave it up to His hands to decide. We will be all happy even if it's another baby girl.

Therefore, I'm all getting ready and prepared to face these new challenges in my life. New career path, second child coming. Full of joy. Full of good hopes.

We are working hard to work things out. To get both Insyirah and Nurfirdaus getting transferred here to Kuala Lumpur. I think it is time for us to end this so called weekend husband title thingy. It didn't help and it surely doesn't going to help at all. Obviously. I need to get things sorted out. I need my family to be around me, all the time.

Good things do not happen for no reason. And good things come to those who wait. With religiously patience. Like what Sam used to nag me. And I am all thankful to Him and Haji Sam for all these. With the right attitude, right mindset, constant doa and tawakkal consistently, InsyaAllah, things will work out the way it should be best. Fingers crossed. Ameen.

Golf As An Obsession Or A Lifestyle Instead?

As clear as the title is, it is an obsession to me now. I am all erratically obsessed in golf nowadays. It's like I am a mad scientist trying so hard to unlock those so called mysteries or secrets of being a good golfer. Every pieces of the swing. The grip, set up, the take away, backswing, downswing, impact and release. Everything. And because of that, I've engaged a professional golf instructor for a month long to sort of like "correct" my swing. Well, I need a reference or I will never improve.

It is amazing how complicated a golf swing can be. It is not an easy movement of body parts and muscles. In that two seconds, so many muscles and things get stretched and released. It is a complicated set of movements. And after three years of golfing, I have had my ups and downs with my swing. There's a lot things to be comprehended, to juggle during that particular fractions of two seconds.

And that's the problem. Most amateur golfers out there including me, are so keen on improving our swing mechanics with the mindset of understanding those stuffs as soon as possible. It's like we want to be swinging so good, dead straight and long in one day. Like those pros in the television. Which is impossible. Twice as wrong, I used to think that I will never be as good as them. Which is bloody damn wrong. We can if we quit our job and play golf seriously full time. But then, I have to ask myself again, is it that what I really wanted or should remain as a recreational golfer. The ideal notion is, we shouldn't be thinking of competing them. We should have this objectives, which are, playing at our fullest potential and enjoying the game. Golf like any other things in life, demands dedication and patience. Of course talent, good hand-eye coordination, flexibility and athleticism play a big role in relishing our true potential in becoming a good golfer. But I do believe that good sound fundamentals of the swing bio-mechanics and proper technique and training dictates or should I say accelerates our learning curves in mastering the whole world of golfing. We got to have a good basic before we even start shaping our swing.

And that's the problem. I never really mastered my basics three years ago when I first started. So I was kind of wandering in the dark, fixing every little problems that I've encountered through out my "golfing career" by myself, or searching through the internet for quick fix tips. And those were not only left the problems unsolved permanently, it developed bad habits, set of compensations, ingrained in my mind that I should be doing this instead of this without knowing the real hard truth or reasoning of the problem itself in the first place. And yes, it created a lot tonnes of other swing problems.

And now, I've realized that all those problems actually came from a very basic section of the swing. It's not even in the swing yet. It's the grip. I'm barely swinging yet. How irony is that. How on earth a grip can lead to many swing faults, destroying or should I say hindering my development as better golfer? Well, let me deliberately explain this more.

Firstly, we have to have a correct mindset about golf. Well, I was wrong all these years. Golf is about finesse. Not power. It's about delicacy and subtleness. Meaning, we should never, ever grip the golf club hard. Instead, the more loose we grip, the better chance we have to make that smooth, effortless yet powerful impact on the ball, hence power and long shot. I know, it is hard to believe this. But it is that dead blunt true. The harder you choke the club, the more difficult for you to have full shoulder turn. Your wrists, arms, and shoulder get tensed up, limiting the flexibility, the fluidity in swinging through the ball. Yes, I said, swing through the ball, not hit the ball. I shouldn't be trying to flip the ball, or helping to hit the ball with muscular strength or trying to add more power in lifting or launching the ball up in the air. The club, because of its loft angle, shaft length and flex will deliver the descending blow itself upon impact.

So, from now on, I am practising swing my club no matter what club it is, be it the big stick the driver or even the shortest flat putter effortlessly, freely, with loosen up wrists, arms and shoulders. Relax, and breath out as I go make the swing. Not to swing so hard like I want to hit and break a wall or something. But the mindset plays a very big part in this. Change is hard. Changing or breaking a bad habit is bloody hard. I'm now instilling the idea or notion that less is more. Loose is power. Tightness is limiting. Grip the club like I'm holding a bird on its neck. I don't want to be responsible in choking a poor bird. I want to make birdies, not killing birds. And this sort of funny mental ingraining is very essential in keeping it intact.

Number two, the secret that I've overlooked, or blindly not knowing over the years is, a good golf swing is a lower body driven kind of swing. Not the upper body. Certainly not the wrist and arms. True, the arms starts the backswing, coiling for power, in my right hip and glute. But, it's the left hip that starts the down swing, hence the accuracy and effortless power. All those big muscles, not small small muscles. Golf is similar to tennis in some ways but definitely opposite of badminton where it get all wristy.

Number three, all these years, I've referred or should I say, mimicking those swing I saw in the television week in week out. I was trying to copy the feel of my golf idols, Luke Donald and Ian Poulter with the idea at the back of my mind, that if that works for them, it should work for me too. Well, one thing I've realized this late, golf swing is a unique set of body parts' movements. It may varies from one person to another. Yes, the fundamentals are the same but, it shouldn't be that rigid. There's no such thing as a textbook swing. Every swing is personally tailored for that particular golfer. It all depends on each player's flexibility, athleticism, the potential during that particular period of time, how fast they can grab the whole idea of swinging and of course height and strength.

What we should be looking for is, the best swing that works for every each of us. The swing that easy for us to do on the course every Sunday, the safest injury free kind of swing and the best part of it, the most effective swing for us during that particular period of time. I'm saying this because, every golfer has a progression in their career as they go along. Those pros, they are not as good as they are now, lets say 3 years back. What I'm trying to say, that swing is fit for me, three years back, and I was all happy. It worked totally fine back then. But we are human, endowed and blessed the capability to adapt and improve ourselves that makes us to keep learning and improving our swing. We are so designed to adapt as we go along and rising up our expectations is a bi-product of learning. What we need to do is keep looking for that middle ground or balance point where it delivers our desirable shot yet not compromising safety and accuracy. I was swinging my 5 iron to reach the 100 meters marker at the range three years ago and now I've reduced it to 9 iron. Better impact position, better ball striking, faster swing speed or many other factors that contributed to that one thing, distance. But again, golf is not all about power and distance. It's a game where smarter people excels. During that time, my expectations were different. A golf round with a hundred over score with more than a dozen balls used was totally fine for me. But not anymore. Now I want to lower down my score and complete 18 holes using only 2 balls at most. Because I'm a normal human being with a brain that capable to learn. And for that reason, my potential also keep increasing from time to time.

Which is why I love so much about this game. I'm starting to believe that golf isn't just a game. It's a cult, a culture, and even a lifestyle. For me, it's a tool to indicate my self improvement progression over the years. And the best part of it, it incorporated in other parts of my life. I'm more patience, composed, a bit more of a planning kind of person instead of a rushing stuff quickly kind of guy. Golf matures me over the years. Because in golf, every shot counts. And we are all thinking of those shot to make every time. We put an effort to plan and manage the swing. That's the good thing about golf. I'm not saying it doesn't offer any cons or flaws. It does. It is never enough in golf. Every time I hit a perfect shot, I've always want to try to "perfecter" the perfect. I know, as silly as it sounds, but that's the problem about me and something that I have to manage. Being content and less contentious over my already perfect swing :P Because when I want to "perfecting" the already perfect shot, lets say I'm saying to myself I want to hit it further and longer, and there's the point where dozens of problems creep in. When we want to hit longer, our subconscious mind will automatically tell us and our muscles to swing harder which of course, tensed up the muscles and the number one source towards a bad fat hitting the ground first kind of golf swing :(

I do really hope that I can reach and extend my potential and enjoy my game every weekend as I've already put a lot of time and effort in improving my swing as good as my self personally. Fingers crossed.

manliness through wisdom

I've been very quiet for the past few months. believe me, there's no one else to blame but me. regret to inform you that I'm still very much struggling with my long last antagonist in this very life, my BFF, Mr. Procrastination. sigh~

but still, I do feel obliged to write and update about..some stuff. despite I feel like there's nothing new, nothing exciting to talk about. this blog was meant for kindness and virtues, a platform for moral and conscience conundrum unfolding. but I do seem like I'm running out of my wisdom, right?

anyway, Insyirah is three months old and nine days by now. she's getting bigger, heavier and prettier day by day. and smarter too :) and she looks like me too! the hair, the eyes, the eye lashes, her fingers, her ears, the smirks, her feet, everything. she is so me. I like the idea of her looking very much like me. but there's always a little bit of my wife in her. the love. reminds me of many things. 

so what now? I got a good job enough to pay the bills, Insyirah is smart enough to watch cartoons and laughs bout it, soon my wife's going to be transferred here in KL (insyaAllah), my golf game is never been better, my sister is back in  herself now, my dad quits his job and grills potatoes for us for dinner, my mom is still my mom and still bake cookies for this coming festive holidays, everything is so perfect right now. 

but me being me, I'm always looking for something else. like there's always something else out there more than this, more to it. like there's no enough to all this. like there's something missing. like a puzzle. a piece of me that still lacking. for me to be better of it. it's like being Bruce Wayne but not Batman the Dark Knight. it's like being just Robin, not Batman. it's like I'm incomplete. I have no idea what it is. but I'm going to find out.

am I not happy? how can I not be happy with all I've got and for all I am today. it's not an issue of happiness or being grateful for all the blessings that have been smothering me. it's an issue of being what I'm suppose to be. what I am designed for. fulfilling the destiny, the dream, the idea that MCKK has etched on me. being good is never enough. we have to be great. be the gentlemen, the white knight, like what it is written on our coat of arms, fiat sapienta virtus, manliness through wisdom. it's an issue of me being a man, man of many things, that sums one thing. a wise man.

I think I need to sit back and think about this missing piece of me that remains illusive. I need to contribute more to the others. to the society. to the people. but I don't know the medium or in what form can I contribute mutually best for me and for the others.

well, it's always hard being me. my patience and inner strength are like iron steel. being plain different is not easy. always pushing myself to be everything, even something that I will never be.

count your blessings

some people are just ungrateful. they just can not stop complaining. and being angry and dissatisfied.

sometimes we have to sit back and check that it is not a perfect world. it is wonderful, but not ideal, far from perfection. and we can't have everything we want. but being content is noble and being contentious is evil. for me, being grateful of what we have is just plain vigour, mentally. so noble that it elevates you above others.

I've learned that all my life, i will never get everything that i wished for. lesson learnt. and I've been taught to be thankful and beholden, yet appreciative towards others. live by that code, that principle. hence, it is just too hard for me if it is not reciprocated.

but then again, life is like that. the world is not an ideal kind world. never thought being content of this feelings can occur to me. not this early. but the timing can never be this right. patience required and maturity cemented. I'm still well aware of all the blessings, the privilege I've lived on with. and still counting them in and counting on them.

my vision of love

my daughter insyirah is almost a week's old today. so many things happened for the past one week and i learned a lot of things too. from the contraction, pre labour, during labour itself, post labour, the breast feeding, post feed burping, woke up multiple times at nights, cleaning and changing the diapers, the registration, visitors, and jaundice.

yes, i was in the labour room and i witnessed it all. the pain, the sacrifices, the love of a mother giving birth. i couldn't help myself not to weep. it was so painful, that i didn't pass out even though there were blood everywhere. i was so focused on my wife. calming her down. cracked a joke, but it didn't work out. the doctor even used a scissor to cut it a bit to ease the delivery. my god :(

and i could see her hairs and there she was, the labour room was filled by her cry. her first tears. and what a relief. i went for wudhuk and athan her immediately. and only Him knows how i felt that time. i cried. she stopped crying and looked at me when i athan and exhaled syahdah at the ears. and i could see the vision of love. so pure. so clear. she even tilted her head so that her right ear is closer to my voice. smart girl :)

she's such a beautiful baby. everybody loves insyirah. my parents, my parents in law, sisters in law, my sister, everybody. i was crying and smiling at the same time. so soft that i couldn't hide my feelings. mixed feelings. wonderful feelings. it's like my testosterone plummeted :P

after 5 days, her bilirubin level increased to 16.5 and she had to be admitted so that they could put her under UV phototheraphy. i couldn't sleep. worried. but alhamdulillah, after one night the bilirubin level decreased to 12.3 and discharged today. again, another relief of hearts. having and raising a baby is like riding a roller-coaster, taking me to the extremes. one day you are all smiling while changing diapers, and you can be scratching your head worrying why she wouldn't want to feed.

anyway, in conjunction of kris allen new single, i dedicate this song especially to my girls, my wife and daughter, my vision of love and to my family who helped us a lot for the past one week. what a week it has been. i really like the song. until then, i'm excusing myself to continue my journey deeper into this parenthood world :)

insyirah : labour on labour day's eve

i'm stranded in the bus terminal. sitting alone on one of the benches, waiting for my bus scheduled for another 3 hours. bought the ticket on my second attempt after i was disappointed by the fact there was no ticket for tonight. so much of my gambling for impromptu tickets. maybe because it's going to be a long weekend since the labour day is just around the corner. decided not to go back home, because that would be such a wasted back and forth journey.

lucky there was a girl wanted to sell her newly bought ticket. it's going to be too late, according to her. she was having the second thoughts perhaps. but it was fate and determination that made our path crossed. i was desperate for the ticket that i was thinking to drive myself back, worse comes to worst. and there was she wanted to reimburse her second thoughts' damage. i need to go back. because my wife is feeling the contraction already. the opening is already three centimetres long. i do not know what does it mean, but i'm guessing that's a red alarm. alarming that the baby is soon to be born, any hours, maybe tonight, perhaps the next day. labour day on labour day, huh?

i'm going to be a daddy soon. there's something special about the baby. after several times of scan, we yet to know the gender. because everytime scanned, the baby always found "its" way to hide. too shy to let us know and too smart to keep us in ponder. so everybody is assuming it's going to be a girl. the doctors said so, my parents in law, everybody. but i remain true to my intuitions and feelings that it's going to the other gender. i don't know how i know and how to explain but i have a strong feeling that it will a boy. don't know why but my daddy sense tells i'm going to hold my first son in my arms soon.

but whatever the gender it will be, my wife and i are grateful of His precious gift. as long as he or she is healthy, a boy or a girl will do adequately. and i can tell you what a wonderful feelings that i had for the past few months. watching my wife sleep, struggling with the big tummy. all excited and eager to see the child, to hear her or his first cry into this world. what a feeling!

i've decided to name her (using her based on the doctors' medical opinion) "insyirah". even if it's a boy, i will still name him the same. i think it's going to be a good name. it means, there will be a bliss after every misery. solace after struggle. taken from the surah al-insyirah, deriving about the prophet and his trouble thoughts after all the sufferings he endured. and He promised the prophet in the surah that he would victor at the end of his jihad and fights, but it demanded patience and high endurance to see it all through.

i chose the name because it reminds me so much of all that i've been through. after all these years. the heartbreaks, the hardship, my patience, the journey in my life, the love, the tears, the ups and the downs, everything. and i do hope that my child will carry the name and life it through with grace and remain patience until the end of his or her life. i really treasure patience, it's a trait that i've been trying to inculcate within myself, my family and a quality that i seek for or into a person. my sister told me that i'm a guy who can control himself well and be patient even in a stormy situation. composure might not be my best repertoire but i know patience is one of my limited fortes.

i know it might sounds a little bit girly, but actually it's a unisex name. can be used on both gender. now let's pray that my beloved wife will have a safe labour, fighting with her life to deliver me an infant into this world. i don't think i can call it a living without her. the way she treats me, i can never marry anyone else. hope that everything will go smoothly and good things will come and fall into their places. it is really a blessing from Him, to have this opportunity, this parenthood thingy, these feelings, the every details, the everything. fingers crossed!

Hands Down

I went to Dashboard Confessional's acoustic performance live here in Kuala Lumpur last night. I have always been a huge fan of the band and there's only one word I could possibly utter, awesome!

Instead of coming as the original 4 piece set up band, they decided to sent their lead vocal only Chris Carrabba. I heard that he's on solo now as the whole band is in their hiatus after they launched their latest album Alter the Ending two or three years ago.

But it didn't affect him to deliver his best performance even without his band mates. Not at all. I still remember how me and Jojo used to play their songs back in our glorious jamming days about 8 years ago. We love them, their songs, the riffs, the emo lyrics, we wanted to be them. Hahaha. We used to name Chris's band mate as "Afro Guitarist" for John the lead guitar and you'll know why if you look at his hair, "Overexcited Drum" for Mike the drummer as he's always look in his raging mode in most of their videos and "Shy Base" for Scott the basis as he always stepped back from the light hiding from being spotted in their live videos :P

All in all Chris performed well last night. He rocked it! Man, you should have been there if you are a Dashboard fan. He's really a true emo icon. Super cool! I really enjoyed the show. Me and Jojo were singing along all the way.

He started with The Good Fight, and we were blown away straight away. He did As Lovers Go, Saint and Sailor, Again I Go Unnoticed, Don't Wait, Screaming Infidelities, Dusk and Summer, the famous Vindicated, Stolen for the girls to be swept off and sent them off crazy (hahaha), The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most, the latest Belle of Boulevard, some other songs from they different albums and he closed it with my all time favourite, Hands Down. Those songs remind me of those days when I used to be so expressive in my feelings towards people that I care. Like what Chris said, it was the best days he ever had. :)

And hands down, Chris is such a deep and talented singer song writer in alternative punk and emo rock music fraternity. Probably the best ever is. He's such an inspirational for most teenagers who listened to emo music back in early 2000s, and an influence to many famous bands too. And so do I and Jojo. We formed a band, wanting and longing to be like Dashboard, lol! :P Those were the days. I hope he will come again to Malaysia in his band form. Am sure they will rock it to the ground :)

P/s : I remember I did dedicate this song's lyrics to a girl, because I really like the song and the girl but she snubbed me in cold blood! Maybe she didn't know Hands Down and Dashboard Confessional. She's forgiven anyway :)

A Thousand Years

I really like the song by Christina Perri from the recent production in twilight saga franchise, breaking dawn. It's so deep and suits well with the movie. But not for Edward Cullen :P I didn't know it was her song at first and somehow I hate her earlier single Jar of Hearts. I just don't like it.

Anyway, so I thought why not try and learn the guitar chords as well. I've posted this in my facebook page to share the chords with others. Go easy on my english and the voice. I know.. :P

five minutes heaven

what is it really to be in control? some says you have to give up control in order to gain control? it's a very delicate thing this control thing. it has a broad definition, vast perspectives but that's not i want to talk about today.

i think i did write something about self control or self mastery about two years ago when i was in the self transition towards a better chap, towards the public victory. and today i want to continue write about it. self control.

i often look it in the anger management perspective. you know, to hold your tongue from expressing the unnecessary things, things that you might regret saying them, which of course you can't take them back. and that makes it even worse.

being angry or having an argument is perfectly normal for a human being. we all have feelings, and since we are so inevitably complicatedly built, we tend to argue. but it is crucial to know the border line, when to stop, to call it off. to take a step back, and think, do we really need to win this? or is it really worth of a fight? and even, why on earth we argue in the first place?

self mastery is so deep that it can't be measured. only one knows the extend of his self control. but i like to relate it with maturity, kind of directly. if we can control ourselves against the retaliation hence self humiliation in future endeavours, we are in the right direction towards the higher level of maturity.

here i want to share how to control yourself against the constant evil mind chatter that can lead you to do or say something stupid. simple, breathe. deep breathing. take a deep breath, while counting backwards from ten to one in your conscious mind. to make it even better, imagine the shapes of the number you're counting. the more you are drawn into it, the more you are tapped in to your subconscious mind. make sure you breathe via your nose not your mouth. we all born with the endowment of breathing through our nose and directly filling up our lugs. we only breathe through the mouth for massive air intake (if that's a proper way to address it) when we are panic, suffocating or sleepy but that's yawning. and then, once your tummy or your diaphragm to be precise is inflated fully, hold it for one second and then release the air via our nose with the count from one to ten.

with extra oxygen being rushed into our systems, there's plenty of benefits that we gain automatically. one, our muscles, joints and flexes are more relaxed. two, our mind is suddenly freed up from negative thoughts, those tiny sinister whispers or evil drives encouraging us to react aggressively, especially when we are in the middle of an argument. three, it will take us somewhere in our mind, somewhere isolated. it's like you are somewhere else, your mind is withdrawn from the rough discussion. your body might still be there, but your mind is completely focussing on something else. what is more fascinating is, that something is nothing. your mind is totally empty. you regain your balance, and focus. i know, as funny as it sounds, but it is a great technique for you to tap in to your subconscious.

this is very effective if you want to clear your mind after a rough and tough day at work, the traffic congestions or what not, and let your subconscious mind take you to your five minutes day dreaming. it's so refreshing and breathtaking, hence the process :p and you can recharge your brain to continue whatever you are planning to do onwards. it helps you to develop patience, and self control.

i hope it helps. because, it does help me in my golf game and my other daily routine. i was so drawn into my subconscious mind, that i didn't think about anything during my swing, or driving. i just "do" it. it's like brushing your teeth. you woke up in the morning, you never think about how many muscles involved to pick up the brush, how much pressure you put onto the paste so that the right amount of paste coming out and placed onto the brush, how much pressure to put onto your gums and teeth and list goes on. it just happened and it happens everyday without fail.

so, use it repetitively and you'll be good at it. you can use it to control your temper or just to access your five minutes ride into your mind heaven :)

phases of life

we can not run from ups and downs. everybody has their own sets of problem. life is hard. nobody said it's going to be easy anyway. it wouldn't be a life if it's too easy. it would be dull and monotone. those ups and downs are like colour swatches of life.

i believe whatever happens, happened for a reason. it's not going to be the end of the world right? these are hard times. phases of life. some people face these kind of problems or should i say difficulties probably later in their life. but i'm just being me, lucky enough to be able to experience this earlier in my life phases.

but whatever happens, i have to be patience, remain steadfast of whatever may comes. stand up and head remain high. there are times when i felt that i am all alone in this. surrounded and suffocated. tangled by strings of difficulties. bills to pay, commitments, baby soon to be born, my house for my family for a shelter, bla bla bla.

life. funny when it comes to think of it. at one point you were everything, and then some point of your life later, you are close to nothing. from hero to zero. i remember i used to write posts how grateful i was, blessings, i had everything i could have asked for. the love, happiness, stability, maturity, friends, support, respect, even golf. you name it all. i had those.

now it seems like i'm all on my knees, helpless. some friends become strangers now. your idea seems to come out wrong in every angle. perhaps it's just me feeling all down. mellowed and withered. but i have to go through these. i know i have to. i know i will. because i want to. suddenly all the positivity kicks in :)

now let us pray and cry for His help and guidance. there's no greater help and mercy than Him. i know somehow i'm destined for a greater thing. it's just that i have to endure the current situations and status quo. life. colourful. full of surprises. saturated with sacrifices hence love. if it's not like this, i wouldn't call it a living, and i wouldn't live at all.

i could not ask for more

i have been listening to old songs..and i come to stumble upon edwin mccain's could not ask for more and i'll be in my old portable hard disk..

so i googled for his live videos and he still not fail to impress me as he did to the same boy 12 years ago :) i learned to play guitar from these songs.

so here are the videos, enjoy them :) please do..

p/s : the basis can sing too..nioce! :P