the fear of marching flames of misery : the return

we have come to a position where we have to make up our minds. to come out with a decision. and stand firm. we all do that everyday. whether we realize it or not, decision making is an essential part in our daily routines.

but what distinguish us from one and another is how we make the decision and of course the execution. but what is it that matters most to us? is it making the right decision or not to make a wrong decision? both influenced by the nature of the hurdles we are facing. some need sacrifices, some drained millions bucks, some take time and some even cost a life.

what am i trying to convey here? well, most people found it difficult to establish a set of solutions for every problem we have here, everyday. why? because we all have the sense of selfishness and the fear of losing. that is why. i don't know about you guys, but from my series of observation, i found that people have a high tendency to make decisions and to go for solutions which very much infallibly will be beneficial for oneself..

it is very much highly unlikely for a man or a women to sacrifice oneself for somebody else. but what about love? do people get burnt for love? or do we call it a love if i am to get myself scorched for you? ahh, i have given up for love and when it comes about love. the four letters combined and yet no one can even give a perfect derivation out of it. how silly is that?

for me love is just a feeling, which is of course can be created, can be influenced and not an exception when it comes to changeability. it's not fixed, and it is certainly not certain. definitely. no one wants to be alone and everybody hates to lose. losing beloved one, in particular. it can be very artificial and indecisive, hence misleading. i don't understand how a girl can say that she is waiting for the very true love to come and find her. how crazy is that? she can't even describe who is she waiting for, what type of a man she's expecting. why? because, uncertainty is everywhere. and nobody is perfect.

my advice, be open and go with the flow. don't restrict yourself. not too rigid and not to loose. don't stress, don't stress (jesse mccartney's leaving) for things which don't even related to you. don't bother. save your energy for something else.

love is just a chemical reaction. a synthetic obsession. swallow it. love to the god? that's different. love for the family? well, that is a must. am i in love? definitely no. will i fall for it? we are living in a damn world of uncertainty and breakdown society. it's our rainbow. the true colours of life.

now, what did i do about it? nothing. hahaha..i have decided to go with the flow and not to rebel with the system anymore. lets call it for a day shall we?

change and resistance to change

fellow readers. greetings...earthlings and eorlingas (the name of the tribe for rohan, land of the horse lords in LOTR). crap, i know. abaikan..

today i want to talk about change. yes, people change and we all do change. we do it all the time, and it's part of the process. life without change just wouldn't be a living and won't make a life. i've been contemplating recently. about, of course, change. you know, those kinda questions mingling and commingle with silly thoughts and again yes, ignited by past vast experiences.

what do we need in order to change? okay, lets go back to the very basic, why do we change in the first place? is it because we have to? or is it only because we are forced to; as we go along the way and all the sudden, things are not working out anymore and we feel like now it is time to change? major breakthrough, paradigm shift, you name it, whatever, it's all come back to the roots of being transformed into something new, converting, executing, implementing, rehearsing, performing, NEW things. surprisingly this very one noun and/or verb can be coupled with so many other verbs. as much as it can be for the better and goods, or vice versa, surprisingly, who knows. only we know. you and i both knew it.

and then, speaking of change, does it tag along intact with TIME? i am pretty sure that all of us have gone through series of change chain. yeah, quite a tongue twister. hmm, i would go for yes. lets face it, when we were young we saw things differently. as we grow older, the wiser we turn up to be. and of course, we see things differently. i used to love big sized billabong and no fear t-shirts. what about now (chris daughtry's what about now?) ? M or L t-shirts and baggy jeans are big no nos nowdays. hehe..

but then, that is all the change occurring within ourselves. what about changing other people? hehey, not too fast buddy. it would be best called as "influence", don't you think? recently something happened, and it was not the very first time things like that happen to me. yeah, it sucks just to think how bad it could be if you know how stupid you are not to learn from your past mistakes and pitfalls.

now, lets talk about my problem. one of my problems in a long list is that i always come to think that i can change someone. i think i have the credibility in influencing people around me, building relationships and enhancing personalities. now i know, i am so damn fucking wrong. there's no way you can change or instill values in somebody else personality. shit crap if you think you can. people will only change if they want them to. if they feel like doing so. people change stimulated by their environment, surroundings and daily occurrences. but not by other people. not directly, literally indirectly, maybe.

i guess it's in our nature as a human to have that kind of emotional attachment for someone you care that u feel like you are obliged, as you ought to save them from so called disaster. like you are some kind of messiah shit sent to be her/his savior. and trust me, it is hard to change. that is why people resist to change. always..forever.

have any idea why? in my personal cases and point of view, it's very much caused by the inner thoughts of fear. the greatest fear of all, and it would be the fear of losing. believe me, THAT is one of the common generic fear we have in this corrupted world.

this is only change that i am writing. and it haven't been extended to "exchange" or "interchange". i can't imagine how bad the scrolling part could be if i do so. hehe..maybe not here, another post perhaps.

till then, here is something to ponder, i'd say, "fuck it, it's not your job, not your duty to change them. just let them be. it's not worth for the energy to even consider! it's already too late..."

life is wonderful?

hey, its me. again. currently i am listening to bunch of jack johnson and jason mraz's stuff. good news, i've khatam i'm yours chords and now i can play and sing it simultaneously. it's kinda amazing how he do it..like he was mumbling on the lyrics. free flowing...superfluous.

here is one of the lyrics from song titled life is wonderful. i love this song. heck follows :

it takes a crane to build a crane
it takes two floors to make a story
it takes an egg to make a hen
it takes a hen to make an egg
there is no end to what I'm saying

it takes a thought to make a word
and it takes some words to make an action
it takes some work to make it work
it takes some good to make it hurt
it takes some bad for satisfaction

life is wonderful
life goes full circle
life is wonderful

it takes a night to make it dawn
and it takes a day to make you yawn brother
and it takes some old to make you young
it takes some cold to know the sun
it takes the one to have the other

and it takes no time to fall in love
but it takes you years to know what love is
it takes some fears to make you trust
it takes those tears to make it rust
it takes the dust to have it polished

it takes some silence to make sound
it takes a loss before you found it
and it takes a road to go nowhere
it takes a toll to make you care
it takes a hole to make a mountain

yeah, it's a good shit. go download it. asta~

bangkok = shopping frenzy

four of us went to thailand's capital last week. stayed there for 5 days, 4 nights. 5 exhausting days, 4 memorable nights.. it was crazy.

at first i thought bangkok was just another cramp undeveloped city like hanoi or any other indochina major cities we have across the continent. i was wrong. packed with 35 millions citizen, bangkok or "Krung Thep Maha Nakhon" surely a well developed metropolitan.

we stayed at khaosan road, very popular among backpackers. i would say that the place was similiar like petaling street we have here in kuala lumpur. before i came to bangkok, i've surveyed the things to do and the things to see, from friends who been there. so my main objective to go there was to make suits, nice fitted suits and to get laid or threesome maybe. hehe..kidding. so we did. i mean the suits, hehe. drop the sex activities thing, will you? :)

as soon as we checked in at nana inn, inevitably a backpackers hotel, with rm 30 per night, we went straight for tailor hunting. i found one. that shop was the best bargain. rm 300 per suit any fabric, design you want with three times fitting (like the one you see in pierce brosnan's tailor of panama movie) with lining inside. and free ties. furthermore, we get discount for shirts. i made four cuff link shirts since i couldn't wear ready made cuff link shirts before. lets face it, my arms are bit short, so ready made will not fit me nicely..

what else? hmm, we went for canal tour on the second day. we cruised along the canal in the city of nonthaburi or the old town of bangkok. and we also went to patpong road or internationally known as red light city on the night. yeah, go go bars..but i will not going to elaborate the details here. spare the details and keep them reserved. hehe..

the best part about bangkok is shopping..yeah, retailing. we all underestimated the power of purchasing in bangkok. we brought only rm 1000 and yet, we were broke only to know that it was our second day and there were still a lot of things to buy. we were being so stingy that we could only afford to eat spring rolls and pad tais. hahaha. we had to if we were to survive another 3 days.

there was a weekend market at bangkok. they called it chatuchak market. chatuchak or jatuchak, covers over 35 acres (1.13 km²) and contains upwards of 15,000 stalls. estimated that the market receives between 200,000 and 300,000 visitors each day. but most stalls only open on weekends. you can find wide variety of products including household items, clothing, thai handicrafts, religious artifacts, collectibles, foods, and even live animals. you name it, anything under the sky. i even wanted to buy one of those cute fluffy puppies! but of course there's no way for me to do that.

we went there on both days, saturday and sunday. the place was so big that on the latter day, i couldn't find the stores i went on the former.. too much to see, so many to buy. its so cheap that you want to buy at least 3 t shirts with the same design and at the end of the day, you couldn't recall how much you had spent. how crazy was that? seriously, we went berzerk to see those lamps, house decors, colorful t shirts and scarfs, table runners, cushion covers and silly fedoras! ya, i sound like a girl. hahaha.

night life? well, we went clubbing on most of the nights. we went to this big club called hollywood awards club. yeah, as crazy as its name, the bartenders wore mechanic liked blue coverall with pockets all over their arms and thighs. each of them have unique designated number as like they were wearing jerseys. they placed the straws on their right arm's pocket, tissues on the other arm and empty bottles on their both thighs' pockets. systematically cool. the live bands were awesome and the singers were half nude and eyes pokingly sexy! the dancers were jaw dropping. cute and sexayh! hahaha :)

but fairy tales always have their own ways to come for an end. its sad that we have to go back. to imagine back in the office? it's suffocating. conclusion, bangkok was fun, the people were polite and graceful though they hardly converse decent english, i fell in love with their soft spoken attitude, we love how they greeted us despite the fuss and hustle in communicating and bargaining, the crowd (me, mache, pyan and farouk) was fun, we were crazy and we definitely will go there again. i even have plans to shop there in bulk and sell those stuff here wholesale..

you can view the photos along the trip at my flickr photo page. just click at the Misery Flickr link on your right screen. till then, i'm out!~