conveniently complacent

i had a long day today. didn't get enough sleep last night. watched real madrid versus racing santander, scheduled la liga game live from el sardinero, north coast of spain last night. woke up as early as five and rush to the airport. went to bintulu for my site hand over to my successor.

then in the afternoon, flew back to kuala lumpur. and had a nice long chat western dinner with a friend. but that's not what i'm trying to write here. lol. scrap all those irrelevant introduction if that's the convention. :)

during my traveling hours in the flight and train to the city, it got me to think. am i being convenient as in too nice that in the end people took advantage of my kindness, took me for granted? or was it just me being too naive, compromising with complacent people?

whatever it was, i was too, too conveniently complacent, that i let my guards down, my radar off, not being well aware of those circumstances, these consequences. well, some people, they think they feel or own some feelings, but the truth is, they aren't. they just think it that way. they like to feel good about themselves. they just like the idea of being that way, the idea of having people like me around. it is nice. so good that it drowns them in their own complacency.


the hard, difficult truth behind it on the other hand is, they just don't give a shit about me. full stop.

in the end, i am numb now, cold, and disbelief that we are all living in a nice world. we are all living in damn crazy world, swamp by infectious broken society. maybe. perhaps vampires do really exist. i don't know..