mini studio

i have been playing with different settings and lighting set up with kenny in my room. so i decided to set up sort of like a budget mini studio in my own bedroom using two stand lamps, white cardboard, black cardboard, tapes and my side table.

here are some samples of picture that i took after pre processing in adobe lightroom and then exported them into adobe photoshop for few tweaks before getting published. all in all, the shots were okay in my standard but i found it difficult to get pure white background and i struggled to adjust the white balance in lightroom. the backgrounds are all greyish sort of color. and it's killing me! haha.

next project is going to be human potraits with really white background. lego trucks and playstation joystick are relatively easy to photograph as they lack emotion hence scarce of moments. i need to capture more moments, of living things. first, i need a model and few light sources in order to illuminate the background. wish me luck then.

fresh start

there is it. that is it. i left PETRONAS. today is my last day. i just surrendered my staff ID card, the laptop and my medical card. today, i voluntarily ceased my employment with the company where i've worked for the past five years. i ended it today.

why did i left? so many people keep asking the same questions again and again. there's a long list of reasons behind it. now, i am comfortable to talk about it, literally. since i am no longer with the company, i think i have the edge, the platform to be able to discuss about it. i left because i wanted an escape, a great escape from what bothered me. the never ending fire fighting. i constantly struggle to motivate myself to perform. i found it difficult to pull myself together and drive towards operational excellence. i left, because i want a fresh start. a new place, somewhere else where i can start all over again. learn new things. i needed a new challenge. i was getting complacent and getting dull. i need to see new things. new puzzles to solve.

i left because i think it's high time for me to move. five years in one place is too long they say. maybe. perhaps i should have opted for new windows a lot sooner but two or three years back was different. things were different back then and certainly change took place now, permits me to move. i was inexperienced. i was a lot younger, naive and full of temperaments back then. but now, things changed. not to say that i'm wise now, but i think i've done a good job with self development and i am more compose now, a lot tactful in my behavior. i have experiences in lot of things, be it in operations or management and entrepreneurship.

so i think the time has come for me to open my windows of options in order to find new boxes of better stuffs. better offers, better jobs both in terms of monetarily and growth. sam said, life is all about opening the boxes. there's plenty of different boxes out there for us to discover and waiting for us to be opened. if we open the right box, we will get the most of it, and the most of us.

now, let's talk about what's next. for the time being, while i am in job hunting, i am going all out in pursuing my long life hobby, photography and graphic designs. i am starting to market myself, promoting a total thorough solutions of services. for different levels of clients out there. ranging from photography, graphics, photo editing, wedding photos, outdoor photos, baby photos, family and family event photos, commercial graphic works like menu, company profile and the list goes on. will i find myself a new job? sure, i want to. but this time i am going to be very selective about my options. i want to do something where i can leverage my skills, my strengths, my repertoires. probably strategic planning, or business development or stuff like that. my forte is i'm good with meeting people. so i want to take advantage of that.

what else? pursue further studies is an option. i think MBA is a good tools for me to be well equipped if want to be a good strategic business planner. self entrepreneur is also an option. a laundry business do sounds good. i don't know so many things in my mind. i just need to sit back and carefully assess all the options available.

nevertheless, to keep me going, i've already started my graphic and photography marketing. some extra cash is always good :)

so if you need any graphic or someone to take your picture in any occasions be it in a wedding, birthday party, outdoor family get together, anything, just call me. and rates can be liberally negotiated.

until then, i am out. pray for my success, please. the new journey, new beginning starts today. and i am all opened, ready for a fresh start!

seasoning seasonal me

i went back to JB last weekend to visit my in laws. there's this remark that my wife gave that somehow lingers in my head until now. she said that i'm seasonal. i like to get involved in many things but slowly i will find myself phased out. hurmm~

let's us see what is happening now. i kind of agree on her that my blog is running cold lately for the past few months. but it is not seasonal. it is just that i am so busy with work that i hardly find time to write and to update.

she also said that my photography life is dying and my kenny is getting dusty, since i have new mate now, my Playstation 3. she complained even those pictures taken during our Hong Kong trip last June were not uploaded. not even in facebook! :) ya, i admit on that. i was so lazy to go through the hustle of uploading and editing pictures.

i have not been on any golf course for nearly over three months now. i have stop working out regularly. less sit ups, less bicep curls. less jogs. no futsal games. i sleep less, playing video games.so what is really happening to me and what is happening now? the answers are, i simply don't know.

what i know now, sleep and video games are all that matter. hehe. i am so exhausted, worn out and lazy nowadays. after all i have been through past months. i call this lazy months. my wife call it mid life crisis! :P well, i'm not sure about any crisis but, i surely think a lot lately. about many things. so many things going on in my head. pounding. and it hurts. that's why i laid back a lot and in reluctant mode most of the times.

so am i really that seasonal kind of person? who lacks the follow through and consistency? or am i just plain seasoning and tired? probably both. but knowing me, i always bounce back and rejuvenate. but it will take sometimes. i hope it's going to be soon. i found it very hard to motivate myself and somehow self driving motivation is tricky lately..in the seasoning seasonal me.

a story behind the selling

i sold my old lenses last week. two of them. one, my old "kit lens" canon EFS 18-55mm with IS and two, my zoom lens canon EF 75-300mm USM III. i posted them in the internet via mudah.com.my and ftz.com.my. would you believe it? i never thought i would do it either. but it really caught me in surprises. really.

it was amazing how quickly and how effective this internet marketing can be. it took them only few minutes to text and call me. and the most surprising thing ever was, it only took me one day to sell both lenses. after both buyer handed me the cash, i said to myself " man, that was quick"..

what really went right back then? was it the coverage that the internet covers, the real time basis of the marketing, or was it the price tags that i posted were too low that caught most attentions? i simply don't know. maybe all those played their respective roles. 50 texts and few calls..all asking on the availability for both lenses. until today! well, guys, sorry, both lenses sold! :)

now lets talk about the buyer. both of them are very young, still new in the business, relatively and both of them are still studying. what? how on earth you guys can afford to buy dslr while studying? it's either their parents are rich enough to pamper their kids with gadgets and toys or, it's purely, the excitement, the passion that drives them.

now, what really touched my heart was, that both boys don't even have any other lens other than what they bought from me. and one of them just bought the body, it was canon 1000d i think, and it took him months to be able to purchase, a second hand kit lens. i said what? how would you going to take pictures without a lens? he said, patience brother, patience. and one of them did, took the trouble to ask me, what is it to feel like being able to buy brand new stuffs?

gosh, i whispered to myself. it's like a hard flash back on what i used to be. i used to be broke most of the times. it was hard back then when i was in the college and during my university days. i used to fast in order to save money and minimize my expenditure. i grew up in a moderate family. now i remember. i remembered it all..

life is changed. i changed mine and the whole family. i bought a house for my parents. i paid my car already. i don't have credit cards as i don't rely on one. the only debts i have are my house and a personal loan. but what is it so important other than this? this all lavishness? does money guarantees happiness? well, artificial one for sure, and money helps. a lot. but it is not everything.

now, from the lesson of selling the lenses, i learned that not everybody is lucky. not everyone can climb up this far. some people just whithered. hope fades away, consumed by needs and necessities. and i learnt that, in this life, i must give. give back. in order to blossom. to bring back meaning in it. contribute, sharing, help others. that are things i want to do. my sister said that i have all the talents that i can share with others. why not? maybe photography, those artworks can be a good start. self motivation is also my thing and maybe i can do something about it. you know, to help others.

but a part of me inside keep asking, how sure can i be to help others? does it going to work? how would people perceive me? since i am far from perfection, what makes i think i can help other people's life?

well, those are mean questions. but being mean does not necessarily kills. i am mean, i was mean though. but i am not proud of it. i learned from it, from being mean to self mastery. and marks, the maturity. sometimes i miss those people who helped me going through the process of change. the painful steps that i took. the bitter words, the etch, the tears, the heart and the me.

p/s : the picture above has nothing to do with the story.

new eyes

yes, my kenny just got a brand new pair of lenses later last week. i had a deep dilemma whether to buy a new body to replace status quo kenny or, to buy lens(es) instead.

after weeks of contemplating and reviewing, i've decided that full frame body in the likes of 5D mark II is way beyond my cash flow capabilities while 7D was a huge temptation especially with 19 focus points equipped with new processor but not just yet this time.

thus, in order to fulfill my hunger for new challenges and excitements when it comes to photography, i needed to overcome kenny's limitation. constant aperture and focal length were the two items identified. hence, came the two new lenses.

let me introduce my new wide angle lens. tokina 11-16mm with f2.8. i wanted a wide angle lens after series of frustration to capture great architectural sceneries, group photos in narrow spaces and landscape with maximum coverage. the constant aperture of 2.8 is a bonus. we don't really need that wide of aperture for wide angle lenses anyway. but i'm sure it will do much advantage when it comes to low light condition.

then, i come to justify my purchasing of my new "kit lens" replacing the old canon 18-55mm lens. tamron 28-75mm with f2.8. i'm so thrilled with this lens. it offers just about the coverage i want when it comes to focal length. it can do portraits as well since it can be stretched to such low depth of field, hence good bokeh. again, f stop 2.8 factor comes handy :) and also, it can be fitted onto a full frame 35mm body, incase i want to upgrade to full frame in near future. so all in all, i'm satisfied with my new lenses.

i wanted to buy canon brand lens but the budget is rather a constraint. third party lenses have their disadvantages but they do have few pros. and the value for money is the outstanding one, i have to agree with that. they are relatively cheaper but the performances portrayed are not bad at all for third party lenses. seriously.

i hope these new eyes for kenny can boost up its function and show me what it really can offer. with a circular polarizer filter and a natural density 8 filter, i know we all can do wonders in future endeavors! here are some of my recently captured. blurred all the way :) for better pixel and clearer viewing, click on each of the pictures below.

twenty eight and counting

twenty eight and on and on and onwards. yes, almost three decades. twenty eight is simply can no longer be round out down to 25. sigh.

last Monday was my twenty eighth birthday. i received quite a number of wishes from friends and family members. but nothing can match up the essentialness of my wife's effort to celebrate me and my sign of ageing day.

for the first time in my life, someone wrote and read me a poem about how she feels about me. man, i was so touched by her effort. speechless. she even read it in front of almost 30 friends of mine last weekend when me and my MCKK brothers had a small "family" gathering. you know, with wifes and kids around. but of course, i played cool about it. but deep inside i'm all healed. hence, the warm hug i gave her after she finished her last line, which rhymed inadvertently with former lines.

but birthdays will always be birthdays. meaningless if we don't sit back and reflect on our achievement or improvement throughout the preceding year. as a matter of fact, birthday is the right time to look back, just right on the dot. the timing couldn't be any perfect than that.

i looked back on what i've achieved when the number was still 27. honestly, signing a life partner was the hype of the year and probably one of the best thing ever happened through out my entire life. god, i am so grateful to you that Firdaus's path and mine crossed.

anyway, here are some pictures taken during our little family day at FRIM, Kepong last weekend, held in conjuction with the closing ceremony for our tenth years anniversary celebration. well, it was a good outdoor hang out,with good food, with best friends around, kids around and most of all, with my wife around :) enjoy~

group photos..boys only =P

group photos together with wifes and kids :)

managed to sing along our glorious used to be cheering song entitled "istana kuning" back when we were in form five :P

the poem she wrote..

she read it..quite bluntly loud :P but i love it, every single line of it..

the hug, my appreciation gesture :)

naughty boy :P

make up competition..i think Firdaus had her revenge well taken :P

and boys will always be boys..hehe :P

free will and resilience

i had a movie marathon last night. i watched oscar triumphant the king's speech, followed by matt damon's the adjustment bureau. there's no doubt that colin firth was sublime and superb. they the whole crew deserved the oscar. matt's twisting love story with emily blunt was not disappointing either. it's good in its own way. i like it too. well, not as good as similar lost and found romantic comedy love story in the likes of serendipity or stardust, but surely it gave me the fruitful thoughts after the movie.

i learned that, justin bieber's slogan never say never is so true from both movies. wherever there's a will, sure there will be a way. free will is so precious that only we mortals have the luxury to think, decide and use our emotional feelings on almost anything. it's a privilege, really.

in my quest fighting procrastination, i must never yield on tempting voices to sit back and waste time. i must hold on to my will for success. and success is a product of sacrifices and hard work. there's no short cut. i've read so many successful stories of successful people, and most of them have a few traits in common, maximum time capitalization and of course, resilience. they didn't wait. they acted. immediately. and when they stumbled, they never gave up.

so, i've found out my weakness against time capitalization. i lack the sense of urgency. in most things. so i really need to work on it. everybody does. even the great king george the sixth worked on his stammer. and he worked hard. no exception. so do i. i have to. if i want to achieve whatever my goals are. i don't want to dwell on past glories. move on and work hard.

life is hard. life consumes us. life requires us to make sacrifices. it's not easy. well, nobody says it was easy. and surely, nobody says it's going to be this hard. and now, many things are urgent.