Keeping It Platonic

Platonic.

If appealing is the definition to give to the word just by the spelling and the pronunciation, it is indeed a good association. Isn't it catchy and intriguing? The word itself , is already non ideal, non parochial. It's melodic and can work as a "tonic" to make it as memorable as it gets.

Well, that works out very well isn't it? At least by it's definition. At least for me, it is.

What is it all bout being platonic? Some says that it is kinda relationship between a boy and girl, so weird that the vibes are all positives but there's no real string attached whatsoever. It's like, I-like-being-friends-and-talking-with-you-but-I-don't-want-you kinda relationship.

Keeping it platonic. As catchy and intriguing as it sounds, having or trying to maintain a platonic relationship is equally never an easy task. It is not a religiously straight forward concept to uphold. Well, conceptually it is already a mess.

Some says it's a eccentric kinda close relationship, close enough to say " I don't want you, FYI".

But then, all the mushy elements in that particular friendship do exist only to lack the sexual perspective of it. Can this be possible?  I sense this will devour me, subconsciously, without me realizing it.

However, as oxymoron as it sounds, as deeply confusing as it sounds, I am still intrigued to meet her. I do. Meeting this girl is the "primera objectivo" for me for the time being, this very much particular period of time.

I do want to meet this girl, personally. Period.

I want her to get to know me. Vice versa. I want to unlock, unfold this "travesura", I'm interested to learn more bout her. Very. I crave to lean myself towards learning on what it is that makes this girl. Who is this girl who makes me want to be bad. I want to do this so bad, in a very bad boy kinda way. Sometimes I feel I want to get bad, for her I am nasty. Me pones como loco, por ti me pongo mal. That sounds crazy, right?

Coming back to being platonic. I don't know whether it is a good idea. Whether to keep it that way. Well, honestly I don't know what I want. LOL.

But one thing for sure this what I want. Learning bout each other. Stepping out from the existing boundary of these annoying restrictive textings zone. It's suffocating.

I want her to understand me, my complications, how complicated I am, my difficulties, how difficult to be me, how it is not easy to be with me, with all the history, my circumstances, my status quo, my children. I want her to know that it is okay, to be associated with someone like me. And in my deepest sincerity, I feel like pouring her with all the love within my possession. Which I doubt such exists.

At the same time I don't want her to know that there's a possibility of us liking each other. I don't want to impress her, not intentionally, not when I'm in my full conscious. Which is totally crap, I think. For some unknown ambiguous reasons, I'm beating around the bushes, in my own self created maze, between reality and dream, whether to sweep this girl off her feet or to continue to be in my shitty platonic zones. Estoy perdido. Damn right, I'm lost.

I can't stop thinking about her. I certainly don't want to this to stop.  No quiero dejar de pensar en su. Whatever it is. Sometimes  I feel out of synchronization, lost in my own translations, between my self definition of platonic, and what I really feel. It's like I'm trying to fool her in this "casino royale"-esque poker game of love, that I'm up for the challenge, with all the cards on the table. It's a perfect picturesque of how 007 got bewildered by Vesper Lynd. Whether it's working or not? I don't know. I got not a single clue. Maybe I'm just fooling around, or I am a fool to set myself for another epic series of self cremation.

There are times I do ask myself why am I putting myself in this cyber torture? Unnecessarily. Is it worth the time, the headache, the heartache. Why? Why do I keep getting myself into silly indescribable trouble, unrelenting, consuming, overwhelming and undoing all the hard work I've put into. Is this going to make me better? A better person, a better man? Will this condemn me into another self inflicting wounds, for wanting someone is not available?

Who is this unfortunate girl? :-P

Well, she is an irresistible soul. A non text book kinda girl, intangible in many ways. Disparate. She got this weird style of describing things, which I find it funny. She makes me unconsciously smile when I read her texts. Fundamentally, she's different. Different enough to get my attentions, distinct enough to get me caught. She keeps getting me in a confusion state of mind, so divergent, far away from what I think it is the "ideal" me and the old unfamiliar wild me. She is contrastive, so in congruent to make me to lose control over myself. Silly things become not silly anymore. She makes me forget many things, suddenly wrong things can be re-positioned, suddenly crazy things are not so crazy anymore. Makes me want to let go. Well, I hold back many things in my life, stacking up to become an unwanted deposition on my shoulders, dragging me backwards. She makes me want to be unstuck. If there's such word. She makes me want to want her. She's my Vesper now. Mi chica ideal.

Ah, crazy. I think I'm going crazy. Y no me puedo contener. And, I can not help myself.

What about her? I wonder how is she doing. Juggling between her "routines" and having me pestering her in daily frequency. I wonder what is she feeling now. Deep inside, I feel bad for putting her in this entangling situation. Maybe she doesn't have to be in this mess. For all what she is having now. All these nuisances and deceiving signals I'm sending are not what she's looking for, certainly not even par to what she's experiencing now.

Why am I putting her into this? Getting her to think hard, between what she already has and what I can possibly offer. Should I continue or shall I embrace the idea of retreating-is-not-so-bad kinda idea? Well, whatever it is, I hope we both will not regret it. Whatever the outcomes, the end. Hmmm. Exhale, deep purging kinda exhales.

Okay, before I go on and on, pointless, senseless, and hopelessly relentlessly effortlessly making myself more stupid than I already am, I better stop this. Let me continue to sink myself, down in my own platonic cyber relationship. Some things in this life you don't get it twice. And this is one of them. Tu amigo, loco kukubal.

Endless Malarkey

Salam all. I know. It's been ages since I last wrote here. I even forgot that I had a blog. Seriously. And more surprisingly even to myself is, this blog for some ambiguous reasons contains 157 posts already?! My god, was I that vocal? Or was I just being myself? Flooding rants in this very humble page that has a very limited number of readers. I am pretty positive about the statistical analysis of that. Or maybe I was just too self criticised and self analyzing, so rampant in my individualistic notions that I simply had too much to write. And that I can attest too :)

It's been a year plus since my last post. I've been busy. With many things, among all, getting to know myself. I have come to a very delicate state of mind that there is nobody worth knowing unless you know yourself. God and the prophet excluded, of course. To really know what are we really capable of, our limits and to learn to master ourselves. Age is catching up with me, to be honest with you. I've learn recently to tactfully decline to any future endeavours that might put my well being in jeopardy. Be it a strong temptation to buy unnecessary pair of new shoes or an invitation from a friend, unscheduled, for coffee hangout kinda thing, so late that I know I am so going to have a problem adhering to my morning routine the very next day. Unless, it's weekend eve's night, of course. That's different. 

Being routinely disciplined is good for me, and it is exactly what I need to manage myself. And my time. I simply just can't afford to live like that anymore. Going to bed late for example. And being so immersed in my perpetual desire to be a full time professional golfer competing in the European Tour which outside my liking, completely turned me into a complete mad golf scientist, if such thing exists. I spent too much time at the range, countless of hours practising, inviting for a party of bodily malfunctions. And I know my body is not in the agreeable state anymore, with my lower back being the most vocal about it. Too much of anything is never a good thing.

I need to be in control. In a sense that being early, on top of things, being proactive not just in work but it is so extensive that all this being religiously timely applies to my personal life. From paying the bills, the groceries, my grooming, getting my haircut, servicing my car, my financial management etc.

But what is it about good practices without consistency? I'm totally passed that period of identification and self/soul searching, whatever you might want to label it. I'm bloody thirty two and not getting any younger, apparently. Divorced for almost two years, with two kids. It is just not befitting for me to be and act in slack and sluggish. I can't. Can't afford and in my conscience, I won't. 

I think we've already came to the conclusion (in the previous post, at the very least) that divorce is not a good thing and there's indeed no need to dwell on it. But managing the "post-divorced" era is even tougher than I ever imagined. And to a large extent it does, and it does taking its toll on me and my family. Especially the children.

I am not putting any sugar coat on this. I think the children is the most affected ones. I do however, in my usual best, sprightly appear to be well managed, somehow, emotionally and extravagantly extrovert. But the fear is always going to be there. Well, I am recovered. I go out, I golf, I work, I meet people, I talk, a lot, business as usual. But it is that fear, of my children imbalanced and unconventional upbringing that worry me most.

The narrative that's been laid in front of us in recent decades is that money does rule, and unfortunately to a certain extent it does. But money shall not solely define any human being self sustainability and certainly not at the expense of integrity. 2014 was tough year for me. Financially. And institutionally. I was out of job twice. In job transitions I called it. I had to endure a torrid period of time of my life with no savings, fully depending on my parents' pension money (yes, I know, I should have not burden them anymore, but how I wish it was avoidable) and to my deepest shame, I had to borrow some money from my close friends I met at the range (guess, golf buddies are cool after all, isn't?) for legal fees etc since my ex-wife filed summons for custody of our daughter in court. Twice. Which in my rarely issued humble opinion, a true indication of greed and relationship damaging manifesto. 

She is burning bridges. That's all. A self centered move, fully disguised in the name of syariah law, taking advantage of their self proclaimed slight upper hand, only and limited to only in terms of financially. There's no rights or wrongs about the divorce decision, which in my understanding, was mutually agreed and its repercussions are to be embraced. Don't slam on the repercussions now. It's expected and of all people you should have known this since you were the one who asked for it. You can't just dragged the other party to court every time, simply just because you think things should be in certain way, or in certain manners, which are always for me, one sided, to your self benefiting only. Just because you think it is good, good for you or the children, it does not necessarily mean it is going to be good for me. And to my parents. And surprisingly, to our daughter herself. I personally don't think that she would agree with all these so called fights for rights thingy. Too bad she is too young to understand.

Enough with all the bad tones. It is just not me. You know what I've discovered recently too? You can only love yourself much and that much, above all. And self loving is the very basic love principle and loving attitude before any of us has any idea to love any other human being. Love yourself first, then talk bout loving others. Bad tones is "self-love" damaging for me.

Let's talk bout the beautiful things that happened. Oh yes, the travels. First, Melbourne, then London. I am lucky, very lucky to be honest to have such wonderful parents who see travelling as a good thing, and I am very grateful to be given such opportunity to travel with my parents despite all the setbacks. I guess, there's no doubt whatsoever now that their love for my daughter (their one and only granddaughter by the way, for the time being) stand above all. Even higher than all my blunderbusses to date, and I was very well positioned to take advantage of that :-P Yeah, free tickets etc. Who wouldn't want those? Lol.

Melbourne trip was in August last year. It was a cold eye opening trip down south. Melbourne is such well organized especially in their CBD that it is so easy for you to get your way around. Then London was early May this year. We even went to Paris too. We celebrated Insyirah's birthday that day under the Eiffel Tower. She turned 3 that day. Took the train for a quick visit to France. I finally set foot in Europe and even though it was kinda sad that Madrid wasn't included within the itinerary but I was satisfied with the whole trip, as a whole. I learned a lot from the trip. The culture, the vast western civilization, the facilities, how they manage and juggle to balance between preserving nature within the metropolitan compound and infrastructure mega conglomerate. 

I just love walking in the Hyde Park with Insyirah in the morning, with a hot latte in my hands and my mom home cooked sandwich for breakfast, spent time walking from one end to the other, sit by the lake, watching the swans and how my daughter gave them bread crumbs and chasing the squirrels and rabbits around, and passers-by talking to each others at the cafe and above all what I love most, exchanging words with any strangers that I can possibly have the opportunity to utter words with. It was just, self revealing. Talking about just about anything and to be honest, nothing in particular to some British old ladies and tourists in the bus, out of the blue in a foreign country was just fun! Some spontaneity in travel is always fun. Learned that life doesn't have to be stressful and that hard, you know. There's always a good side of anything even after such a bad thing. Yes, we all already know that life is hard, but being gloomy and living in the past just won't take you nowhere. Certainly not to Spain I guess :-P

The only thing that didn't go well with the trips is, Furqan's absence. I have made it clear to myself that the next journey shall have him with us. That's a promise. Here are some pictures from both trip.

Okay, I think it is enough of these endless malarkey. I am going to excuse myself with these wise words from Bil Keane saying that, “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” Till then, appreciate today and the present, be good folks. Cheers.

Living It Best

Salam. I know. It's been ages since I last posted in here. It's been almost a year now. So many things happened in a year, even I lost track on the changes myself.

Firstly, Insyirah is going to be a year older by the end of this month. She will be two years old then. Time flies, and watching her grows everyday is the best thing to do after having her in this world was one of the best things that happened in my life. And she has a younger brother now named Furqan. Furqan was born last year, end of June to be precise. And having another breathing human being with my name as his last name is another blessing that I am so grateful for. My son, the heir of my throne.



Secondly, I just got divorced. I know, that just spoiled it all. After all the good things in the previous two paragraphs. Well, I've been wanting to write bout this much much sooner, a lot sooner than this. To express what I felt during the process, over a period of time. It when on for few months until we finally settled in court and reached sort of a mutual agreement, on the children custodies and many other things. Well, divorce is never a good thing. Never easy. And mutual was hardly in it. It was a fair and mutual kind of setlement, I think. For me, at least. Each of us get a custody for one of the children. Insyirah stays with me in the capital. Furqan stays with his mother in JB. I gave her the  visitation right, unlimited, unsupervised and vice versa. She can come and visit or take Insyirah overnight. I'm planning to do the same with Furqan but decided to postpone it until he is slightly older. He needs his mother most. Too young to stay overnight without his mother.

It is not that I don't want it, god knows how bad I want to have my son sleeping over, but the timing is not just right. Not yet. I love my son and daughter equally. Not more not less.

Both of them are not the same, in my observations, limited but sure enough I know that my children have different set of being. The way they sleep, the way they look at me, the way they were born, the behaviour, the way they cried for any reason, everything. Same blood running in their veins, but different in many ways. But I love them the same. Irony.

I tried to be as fair as I can. For her, the children, my parents in law, my parents, everybody but never to myself. All my life I tried to be fair and work my best to please most people, if not everybody. Well, self sacrificing has become my repertoire lately. I guess having children changed me as a person. In a good way, of course. That I always put them infont of anything, and I will do anything that I can think of, everything in my might and within my knowledge to give them the best. Best kind of living. Anything. Even if I have to starve or die.

Okay, what really happened? What were the causes? Personally, I think let's just put it this way. Two adults just can not be together anymore, under one roof, as husband and wife. Maybe it's our fate that it only lasted for three years. That it is already written this way. Knowing me, always strive for positiveness, that I look it as a process to make me as a better person. Do not get me wrong, like I said, divorce is not a good thing, never will be, and shall not be an alternative in the first place, but I always believe that this is all within His plans. Everything happens for a reason. Anything. And my divorce is no stranger to it. It is true, that divorce is allowed in our religion but never a good thing. He hates it most. And so do I.

Why do I hate it? Because it's a failure. My failure. And god, I hate it so bad that I know, this will affect my children. If not mentally, emotionally. Sooner or later. Eventually. Or maybe it is happening. I don't know. I can not tell. It's too early. But it affected me.

Everynight when I put Insyirah to bed, it gets me to think, like, f***, what have I done?! Always ask myself that is this the right thing to do? Could I've done any better? Save the marriage. For the children? The two people that I claimed so bad to be my utmost priority in my whole entire universe. Is this a good thing, having two siblings living and growing separately? Am I greedy to take Insyirah away from her mother? Am I cruel to leave Furqan unattended? What about his unbalanced upbinging?!

Thousand and one questions keep bugging me. Every night. Without miss. Speaking of miss, god! I miss my son. It's been over a month since I held him in arms.

Well, life. This is life. My life. My fate. My challenges. To raise a kid, without her mother. To miss another one, every single day. To live and to sleep with all these burdens, not knowing what will happen tomorrow, breathing remorses and doubts, worrying bout the two people that I love the most.

I hope this all will pass. Albeit I knew that the guilt will always be there. For the rest of my life. Yet, somehow I'm living it best.

An Eternal Student

I went to my old office in the twin towers yesterday. It was a good reminiscence of the good old days. It is always good to see old friends and bosses at old work place. Now I'm serving my old colleagues to supply their shortage in case there's any in the hydrocarbon finished products.

I left my previous job earlier this month to join the current one. I'm doing petroleum trading now. It was a tough decision to make, probably one of the hardest one, if there's such one. I really like what I was doing in the previous company. I like the culture, the job descriptions given, I love the liberty of control given, I was free to roam, the trust to make decisions in both commercial deals and market developments. It was fun yet full of life learning. It was the first time I'm doing sales and marketing. I took the giant leap of faith to do something I never done before, something alien to me, some tasks I never trained before, not by design or in formal educational background. But I took the challenge, to leave my comfort zones, believe in my capability and natural talents, which is, being with people.

But love affair don't last. As I was getting good in what I did, learning fast, came offers knocking on my door.   I got two offers. One to be a downstream operational consultant and another one to be a petroleum trader. Both were handsome offers. Double from what I was getting.  So there was I, in dilemma. Between my passion and my responsibility to my loved ones. My soon to be born son is due in July. So this has to be his, meant for my boy. My heir to my throne :) My family deserves a better life. Not to say that what we are having now is bad, but certainly an improved life and house earning will help. Well, money is not everything towards good life balance and happiness but money plays a big role in everything in life nowadays.

It took me sometime to come out with the decision. But good offers usually don't come knocking twice. It was sad to part ways with things that you like to do, especially when you were just about to get started to get better in it. I learned a lot. Tonnes of knowledge gathered. Finally I found something I like. After almost 7 years of professional career in the industry, after years of disappointments and "try and error" downfalls, I found it, the one dream job. And it is safe to say, I was happy, finally. But as we grow older there will come to a point where we have to make a decision against our own willing and put our loved ones first. I've reached to that point where I become less selfish and think more others under my care. Well, that's life.

Here I am now at G Tower, one of the famous stylish office and hotel building occupied by mostly oil and gas companies in the middle of the city. Starting all over again. Learning and learn and learn. I never seem to stop learning. For me, the learning process has no end. The curve is always going to be left open. And I feel like I am an eternal student in this life. I am still yet to seal my very first trade deal. Looking forward to that. I kind of like the culture here. Similar to what I had before but slightly different in some ways. The bosses are nice and ambitious. It is a new company with big aspirations. And I'm going to be a vital part in growing this company to be big. Hopefully.

This morning, as I was in the train to the office, scrolling down through my old music playlists, I stumbled to this song which I first listened 7 years ago. I downloaded it when I about to graduate from the university and I listened to it everyday during my days in the factory. The first job. Time really flies. Seems like it was forever. I've changed so much since then. Physically. I'm fat now. LOL.

So I want to share this song. It's a good song by a band called Nevertheless. About love and lover. It is saying that life must be spent like we are living and dying. Let us live like we are alive, nevertheless we are  dying, soon. Deep :P

Being an emo band star is probably the only thing remains unfulfilled yet. I've been an engineer, an executive, been in aviation operations, did governance for a while, hated it and left for sales, still a graphic artist, in love with photography, then an avid golfer and now trading. But never been a star. Not just quite be able to continue with the band thingy when we left the university.

 I now define myself as a seasoned aviator turned trader. Was a lousy engineer, a retired lover and now venture as a father and trader. But my love to my family will never cease. Enjoy the song and till then, I'm out.

Effortless In Forgiveness

I just don't understand why people still wants to justify when they are saying sorry.

We don't justify why we are sorry. Guilt is never to be reasoned. Forgiveness is a product of common civic value, a by product of humility. Apologies are never to be followed by proud excuses.

We are humans, we are bound to make mistakes. Error prone. When we do make mistakes, we feel sorry about them, and the guilt creeps in. And we seek for forgiveness. That is part of humanity and that is all about being a mortal. We have feelings.

We don't say "I'm so sorry for what I've done, but really, I want you to know that I did it because of I don't respect you bla bla bla.."...

Seriously, that was horrible. I doubt the sincerity of the plead for forgiveness.

And when people tries to do that, that derivation of why they are sorry, they tend to talk a lot. Tonnes of unnecessary things. Too much of a thing really will not help to ease up things.

Too much info doesn't mend, it is deteriorating instead. Bores the patch, pokes the wound.

We say sorry. Full stop. That's it. That is how it should be. And somehow it reflects true honesty.

And for that, sorry is always seems to be the hardest word. Because it is not easy. Only the strong can say sorry. Sincerely.

But it is never meant to be so expensive, let alone being cheap. Forgiveness is just priceless. And for me, it should be effortless.

Marketeer : A New Found Glory

It’s been more than a month and a half. I finally got to do sales and marketing. Well guys, stick around and see what I have to say about finally being a marketeer.

From what I've gathered after 7 years in the oil and gas industry, my observations tell me that it’s a task of being perseverance, margins play-around, with the risk being rejected, or easily accepted, like gambling using soft skills, persistent follow up, getting to know people, accommodating different people with different needs, customisation in solutions, timely delivery, bla bla bla. Long list ahead.

I've learned some of those along the way, some I've come across by many means, and some I might not be truly familiar with, but basically I got the whole idea. Well, me being me, with my greatest assets of persuading and being able to see the big pictures, I had my head over my heels when I got the job offer. I knew that I can do it. Like a child riding his very first bicycle, hell I was full of joy. For some reasons, I was very confident and keen on this new adventure of mine, embarking on this thrilling journey of a game called sales! But then again, my over positivity caught me off guard.

Apparently, there's more to it. A lot of things that I didn't know back then. Now we talk bout cold calls, price validity, due diligence, market intelligence, intimacy visits or lunches, and the hardest part is, expanding the market. Sustaining existing customers is essential, don't get me wrong on that, but getting complacent with the current market is just never enough if we want to survive in this rough business. In order to maintain the competitiveness, both in terms of pricing and product availability, there's a lot to consider.

I think I've outdone myself well, for my first month. I've sold 7 units of tote tanks, with more than 150 thousands revenue. Which quite an achievement for a rookie salesman. But I will never rest and take the foot off the gas. It was considered a given sale, from a reoccurring client. I was there at the place at the right time. I need to out stretch myself more. Against the complacency which honestly started to creep in as soon as I got my first two purchase orders.

Nevertheless, what I like most bout doing sales is, meeting people. Oh, how much I thrive it. I'm surprised that I talked bout the product average of less than 5 minutes in the entire meeting. The rest is all about everything. Global. Borderless. We talked about diabetes, football, parenthood, politics and current political scenes, the jews, world economic, travelling, people and places to see, we talk bout dreams, marriage, photography and even golf! Golf topic can be long and very draggy. :) And I like that. Being able to talk about almost everything. It might not be in depth. But suffice enough to keep the interest intact, hence an enquiry for a purchase. And I learned a lot from my clientèle and the people I met everyday. Seems like there's always something new everyday. Something that you never knew you going to get to know. Bloody tongue twisting :P 

Moving on. Anyway, what I love most is, instilling values in people's life, in their daily routine. Which what I do best. Inculcating positive energies for people I met and people around me. Offering solutions to fit their needs, both in terms of professionally and in personal development. Some of the things I do, or I say, might look trivial and irrelevant. But I do and say those in a platform of pure honesty and well being. And I hope this valour and noble traits of mine will continue and never meet their end. For further seems forever.

Life is good so far. I get to travel. A lot. Somehow golf becomes part of the job. My job description is very much in lined with my natural talents. All in all, I am happy, or should I say, much happier now. I'm thrilled to go to work everyday. I go to work early, without any hassle. I never drag myself to work nowadays. Anticipating new challenges everyday. It couldn't be any "perfecter" than this. Yeah, I know, I just made that word up. Lol! :P

In conclusion, this new found glory of mine is overwhelming. I'm all excited. I feel rejuvenated. Feels like I'm alive and young again. I feel relevant in everything I do. For some reasons, I feel like age will never catch me. I am just not going to get old. I level up instead. The excitement kicks start my heart, and it beats again. Breathing youth values deep from my core pinching straight to people's heart. I'm not just a trend setter, I am all a life changer.

Resolutions

I know, it's kind of belated already to talk about resolutions. It's already four days past the new year's eve. But when it comes to self reflections and realizations, there's never a chance to be too late and it's better late than never. Being fashionably late somehow becoming my repertoire lately :)

Well, what can I say bout new year's resolutions. It has becoming a repetitive notion, more like a cycle, endless, and boring too. For me, listing it out alone is never enough. But achieving it all is the key. It's tough. Life is tough. And too short to make it all easy for us. And for that reason, I prefer the list to be a short as possible, concise and most importantly, achievable. Let's be realistic here.

I'm pushing for thirties this year. I'm no longer in my twenties. I found it hard to find a suitable and subtle way  to say goodbyes to my mid and late twenties and a proper warm hello for my thirties. But it is all dust and done. Time flies. Like really fast. And those 10 years of late were, etching I should say. They shaped my well being, my personality, matured me up, heartbroken, joys, disappointments, achievements, etc, you name it all. But that's life, and life's like that. We can't run from all those things. I've seen the best, the worst, I wouldn't change what I've been through, I've touched the sky, I wormed myself up to leap the ground, I've fell on the floor, fell hard, hit the wall, but I did what I had to do.

Life is full of obstacles or the way I see it now, in a very positive perspective, they are challenges. Obstacle sounds too negative and too much for me. Well, I've been a fool, people called me freak, a geek, and nerd too. I've been loved, and I've been lied to. It's all like a cycle. There were ups and down. Balance. But all in all, I rather try and fail, thousand times denied. At least I know, whenever the pain felt, I'm alive. I've been right, certainly been wrong countless of times, but in the end it all worked out. The scars, are scratches of memories. They tell tales. And never healed. But time, they condone. So I can appear to be moved on. On the contrary, deep inside, I carry them all as part and parcel of my learning curve. Still do.

So what's my resolutions then? Simple, I want to get organized. And stay focused. These things don't seem to be in my list of fortes. I seem to be so incapable to stay focused. So now I want to be early. To work, for pray, family, golf, parenthood, Everything. On time for everything, in everything. Basically I want to be timely. To perfection. For me, life, it's all bout timing. And I want to be in control. On top of things. Because time is the only thing we can not buy. So priceless, that we can never turn it back. There's no rewind in life. No such thing as replay in this short span of living. I want to make it a habit. Control. I repeat, be in control.

Hence the name of the new blog layout. Breaking the habits. Since it's the second time I've chose the name, I put the 2.0 there. Just to make a difference from the previous one. I believe being timely and on time can make a huge difference and impact in my life. Hopefully it will, and I will gain control. People said, to gain control, first we have to submit. In my case, I've submitted to much, too much procrastination. I've suffered enough because of being less punctual. So now, in conjunction with me being old (lol!), I seriously don't want to be in the slavery of slackingness. I'm not doing this just for myself, but I am improving for the best for everyone, especially both in below's picture :)